AMA - Session 3

Women who wear red lipstick, autistic friends, and lasting longer

Paid subscribers can access all questions and ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.

In Session 3 we discuss:

Interracial relationships
Husband doesn’t last long in bed
Caring too much
Autistic friend who scares the hoes
My disagreeableness
Medcast
Career options
Signs You’ve Found “The One”
Long distance relationships in the military
Book recommendations
Arguing with women
Leading women on
Career options II
Women who can pull off red lipstick
Getting out of your head in social situations

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Interracial Relationships

Subscriber: What’s your view on interracial relationships? I’m white, but I tend to not be attracted to white women. I see the benefit of dating within the same racial background, but the chemistry hasn’t been great. The way white women smell doesn’t agree with me. Having a negative preference for my own race doesn’t feel right, though.

Med: I believe people with parents of very distant races live life in a state of existential confusion. If your father were Swiss and your mother Spanish, that isn’t very distant genetically. You’re ethnically European. But if your mother were German and your father Somalian, the genetic distance is greater than that of a wolf and a dog. This is why it doesn’t feel right.

A significant amount of your personality is directly due to your ethnicity, so their children will have a difficult time having a complete understanding of themselves because the parts competing against each other are playing by different rules. I would take this into consideration. Cultural barriers in relationships are very real, and shouldn’t be underestimated either.

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Husband Not Lasting Long

Subscriber: Dear Med, I (25, F) am in a very happy marriage with my husband. Everything is perfect, but one thing: in my opinion, he doesn’t last long enough in bed. He does take the time for me and he’s able to make me cum only by penetrating and almost every time we have sex, which is amazing! But the sex itself - and I mean actual penetration - only lasts for like five minutes… We’ve talked about it before and he’s says he finds me super sexy and loves fucking me and he can’t stop himself. I gave him the advice to experiment with breathing and solving match problems and what-not, which does seem to help a bit, but not enough. We also have sex regularly, and I suck him off randomly to take the pressure off of him. Still, it doesn’t seem to work.

Now, I don’t want to bring it up again because I feel bad for him, but I can’t fight the deep desire within me to be fucked for a longer time by him. Again, I’m grateful that he’s able to make me cum almost every single time, that’s really special, but I just want him to last a bit longer… How can we fix this?

Med: You have the right attitude about this and it’s good to hear that he’s at least making you cum.

What’s he’s saying is true — he does find you super sexy and he “can’t stop himself”, in that exact moment. Men reach a “point of no return” where Jesus himself could command him to not cum, and he’s going to cum anyway. What he needs to learn is how to get comfortable living in the moments that build up to that moment, which is usually done through edging. But there are other ways.

I’m not going to say you should tell your husband to start jerking off and be more mindful while he’s doing it. But you can turn this into a game. Before you blow him next, tell him to tell you when he’s about to cum (if he doesn’t do that already). Then stop. No, I’m not saying you should blueball him. But do something else before you go back to it. Kiss around his leg or his balls or whatever. Make him wait a minute or two. This will extend the amount of time you can blow him. Repeat that a few times. This is the “area” he needs to be comfortable in.

Graphs that compare the female orgasm to the male orgasm show women building up to it, and men going from 0-100 immediately. This is physically true, but not mentally. While men don’t have a buildup in the same way women do, men can know when they’re on their way up and stop themselves, or at least pace themselves.

If he’s fucking you fast from the beginning, or is going fast the whole time, this is likely a big reason why. If you notice him going too fast too early, tell him to slow down. Not in a scolding way of course, but to shift to a more sensual pace. Tell him you want to feel every second. Ideally, he will be more comfortable in this area, and will be able to switch from slow to fast. This will make the sex more dynamic and will help him build up to lasting longer.

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