Demonic Lust & Fate

Demonic Lust & Fate

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Demonic Lust & Fate
Demonic Lust & Fate
Your Oneitis Is Stinking Up The Room
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Your Oneitis Is Stinking Up The Room

Your first love probably wasn't that great.

Med Gold ๐Ÿ’'s avatar
Med Gold ๐Ÿ’
Aug 22, 2024
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Demonic Lust & Fate
Demonic Lust & Fate
Your Oneitis Is Stinking Up The Room
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Men can fall in love many times. The only limitation is the length of time heโ€™s alive. Yet some claim โ€œmen can only fall in love once.โ€ Sadly, those men are holding onto the same model of world that they had when they were children: their experience is the only experience and therefore everyone elsesโ€™s experience. They only fell in love once. Theyโ€™re talking about themselves.

These men live with a sad, self-inflicted, yet treatable condition. Letโ€™s talk about โ€˜Oneitis.โ€™

Googleโ€™s definition surprisingly states it perfectly:

Oneitis is an intense romantic obsession with a single person, or the belief that they're โ€œthe one,โ€ even or especially when that person is unavailable.

All men with any female experience have a portfolio of Lโ€™s. Girls they fumbled the bag with. Times theyโ€™ve made an ass of themselves. But losing a special girl you canโ€™t get back is much different. She moved on. Sheโ€™s done with you. Sheโ€™s with someone else now. You want her, she doesnโ€™t want you. This causes a very specific type of pain.

This pain doesnโ€™t fall within the realm of trauma in a real sense (sexual abuse by a family member, neglect, violence, abandonment). It also isnโ€™t a temporary sting (you were insulted, you got rejected, your ego was bruised). Itโ€™s much deeper than that. The pain of heartbreak feels very close to someone you love dying. Heartbreak is synonymous with grieving.

I hate to use this therapy-by-numbers example, but Iโ€™ve lost enough people through death to validate the Five Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Oneitis is when a man is stuck in the Anger-Bargaining-Depression phases of Grief. They avoid walking through the flames of the hardest stage, Acceptance, which requires facing yourself, and therefore never fully become men.

In this post I cover the various forms of Oneitis, the consequences of living with it, and whatโ€™s required to overcome it.

Do I Have Oneitis or Am I Just Being a Pussy?

A Missed Connection

Sometimes you see girl thatโ€™s so stunning she blew your mind and youโ€™re still thinking about her a few days later. You regret not talking to her and now youโ€™re romanticizing what could have happened if you did. Youโ€™re kicking yourself in the ass, but that goes away. If the girl doesnโ€™t even know who you are, you donโ€™t have Oneitis. You just need to get over it. It happens.

Projection

Iโ€™ll put on my Romantic Hat here and say that Oneitis doesnโ€™t require a relationship to kick in. It can be caused by a very real and intense connection. It could be conversation you had. A night that unraveled itself into a date you didnโ€™t see coming. Sometimes you just click with someone and the feeling of that connection stays with you for a very long time. But the feeling has to be mutual. You might have thought the connection was mutual but if it wasnโ€™t reciprocated, then it wasnโ€™t a connection. You misread or you believed what you wanted to believe. Thatโ€™s not Oneitis, itโ€™s a one-sided projection. It sucks, but it happens.

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