How To Not Suck In Bed
Sex that lasts under 30 minutes doesn't count.
Most sex is fueled by male neurosis. Performance anxiety is running the show more than men are willing to admit. If the man is solely focused on not finishing, then he actually isn’t there. He might be physically present, but internally he is watching himself. If both people aren’t lost in the moment while focused on the other, then it doesn’t count as sex. Most people who have had sex are still virgins.
Men don’t like to talk about our sexual performance. It’s a sensitive topic. A man’s ability to control his sexual response to women is a high proxy of masculinity. Only the closest of friends will admit when they were a two-pump chump or couldn’t get it up.
Ideally, we want to fuck women well — but fears about being compared to past lovers or how she might react if we “lose it” can be paralyzing. Sexual anxiety is such a powerful force that it can cause us to cum far too quickly.
Most sexual performance issues aren’t solved by mechanical tricks like edging or kegel exercises, because the real issue is fear. We become better in bed when we stop treating sex like a test and start treating it like an intimate act of dominance, attention, and pleasure. Performance issues are usually psychological, not physical.
The pressure on us to perform well sexually is a good thing. Sex should be as pleasurable as possible for as long as possible. This possibility falls on men because our refractory periods are vastly different.
Men have simpler orgasms than women. We also have one kind: we get excited quickly, have an intense orgasm, then get tired. Depending on how old you are, you might be ready to go again in a few minutes, after a nap, or not at all.
Women, on the other hand, can have multiple types of orgasms. To simplify the above chart — women can have an orgasm similar to men, an orgasm without fully dropping, or plateau for far longer with multiple peaks. Women have a much slower buildup and don’t have a refractory period. Women can cum over and over and over and never get tired of it.
The heights of euphoria are reached when men and women cum at the same time. A man’s ability to look at a woman and know he can do whatever he wants to her, for as long as he wants, and fully bask in the moment with her until he’s ready to finish, unlocks a confidence and sexual prowess that expands to every other area of life. This power can’t be unlocked until his fears are overcome.
