Ask Me Anything - Session 8
Bush or no bush, how to attract a Slavic girl, waiting until marriage
In today’s AMA I answer the below questions:
Where should an attractive 37-year old attractive woman meet men?
I’m 30 and don’t have my life together. Should I start dating?
What are the aspects of American culture you appreciate most vs. European culture?
How should I handle my fiancé who wants to be content with making less money?
Why do you not believe in waiting until marriage if it produces generally better long-term results?
Paid subscribers can ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.
Bush or no bush?
Med: No bush. Never bush. Not a fan of the landing strip either, it’s goofy. A little stubble after a few days is fine, I’m a reasonable man — but body hair is manly.
If it were up to me, all women would have mandatory laser hair removal everywhere below the eyelashes. Nothing worse than a beautiful pussy covered in hair. It’s is like putting an afro on top of the Mona Lisa. What are you doing?
How do I attract a Slavic girl?
Med: I’m going to show you a few posts about Slavic women that could help with this.
My girlfriend does nude modeling. Should I be nervous?
Subscriber: Hey Med. My current girlfriend has been doing nude modeling for a figure drawing class for the last 2 years. We’ve been together for about 9 months and she did it once since we have been together. We talked about it before and she basically said that im the one fucking her and there is no one else who gets access to her the way that i do. The problem for me is shes very physically gifted (hot) and i know there is AT LEAST one guy in the class that gets aroused seeing her with no clothing. She’s now modeling for another class next week and I’m starting to feel some anxiety about it again. Have you dealt with anything like this? I know women get sexualized just by walking down the street but willingly standing naked in front of 15+ people (mainly the men im concerned about) just provides even more entertainment for them.
Med: I haven’t been in this exact situation but I dated a girl who dressed a little too revealing for my liking. I told her I didn’t like it and she stopped.
The fact that she was doing this before started dating indicates that she isn’t shit testing you, it might be something she enjoys doing. From her perspective, she probably likes having her body being treated like a work of art. I would try to replicate what she’s experiencing. If you don’t draw, tell her you want to take nude pictures of her. Get a nice camera, make it about more than just having nudes on your iPhone. That could be a good replacement for what she’s feeling as she’s being drawn. If she likes that but still insists on going, then it’s time to have a conversation.
That being said, she isn’t single anymore. Part of being in a relationship is sacrificing things you did when you were single to be considerate to the person you’re dating. If this a dealbreaker for you, then you need to tell her that. However, how you say it matters more than what you say. It’s important that you don’t sound insecure or controlling while having the conversation. Simply tell her that it doesn’t work for you. If she says it’s a dealbreaker for her to do nude modeling, then unfortunately the relationship isn’t going to work and you should tell her it’s over.
If you trust her enough and think there’s nothing funny going on and you can live with it, then trust your gut. But be honest with yourself. If it’s always going to bother you, this is going to cause problems in the future.
The way I see it is if I’m dating a girl, she’s mine, which means her body is mine. Only I’m allowed to see her naked. Personally I wouldn’t allow it.
How do I stop attracting women who aren’t over their ex?
Subscriber: How do I stop getting with girls that aren’t over their ex. It seems to be a big phenomenon with every girl I get with I don’t know if I just have a “rebound guy” look or whatever but it’s a big problem in my dating life. 20(M)
Med: I wouldn’t think too much about it. They could just be yapping or complaining about their ex, which is normal. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were alphawidowed.
I wouldn’t let the topic linger for too long though. You don’t want to end up in the friendzone. Let her bitch about him, listen to her, then lightly dunk on him to separate yourself from him. This make it clear you aren’t him and communicates that you’re interested in her romantically/sexually without saying it explicitly. You can always say that too.
If you’re often the rebound guy, that means they don’t see long-term potential with you but see sex in the short-term. There’s worse positions to be in. If you’d rather be seen as boyfriend/husband material then ask yourself if giving off vibes that say you’re only there for a fun time and not a long time. There’s a balance to strike between both.
What is proper Hinge etiquette for women?
Subscriber: Hey, loved your essay today. I have a companion question for your AMA. What is the etiquette with accepting likes?
Hinge put me back in rotation this week so I’m getting likes again. But I’m running into the same scenario everyone is always complaining about, you match and then there’s no conversation. At all.
A guy sends a like. I accept. Now we can chat. Hinge says it’s “my turn.” But is it? I feel like once I accept a like that’s an invitation for him to talk to me. Like I did my part, but are they expecting me to start the conversation? Some start the conversation of course, but a lot don’t. But then they don’t unmatch either. I wouldn’t be wondering if they just unmatched.
And if their initial “like” is a comment, then am I *really* expected to start the conversation once we match?
Med: A lot of guys don’t know how to start the conversation and are indeed hoping you will start it, but that doesn’t mean you should. The man should always initiate the conversation. You should only initiate if you’re really interested in him. That being said, if his like was a comment, then he technically started the conversation and you should respond. You don’t need to change the subject or talk about something new, but you should respond to his comment at least.
I know it’s against your nature to initiate, but that’s sometimes how the back-and-forth works on the apps. You have nothing to lose either way.
Attractive, never married, childless 37-year-old woman (girl?) here. Very social, loves to have fun, civic-minded and involved in the community. Catholic but not too weird about it. Hyperfeminine in presentation/appearance. Where should I meet men? PS I love your work.
Med: I’m not an expert on where to meet men but I can tell you my philosophy on meeting people in general. There isn’t a specific place or app where you’re more likely to meet an interesting person. People are everywhere. Some of those people are boring as sin and some of those people are fascinating. Go to places you genuinely like. If you happen to meet someone there, great. If not, at least you still had a good time.
How do you manage women in the workplace?
Subscriber: Med, you’ve mentioned before your leadership experience in the workplace and that leading men is different than woman. How do you recommend to lead and manage women in the workplace?
I work in Marketing and it’s skews female. Teams of girls I’ve managed can be petty, can gossip, can get offended easily. They can team up on you because you’re the guy, because you are competent and get shit done.
Med: Managing women at work requires a completely different skill set than managing men. The idea that men and women should be treated the same at work is moronic. Accepting that women have certain tendencies like gossiping and teaming up on guys makes it easier to manage them. It’s in their nature. You can’t do anything about it. You also need to have a lighter touch when critiquing their work or guiding them, whereas with men you can be a little more direct.
The most frustrating part about working in an office is how easily offended women can be. Businesses are competitive both internally and externally by nature. Everyone is competing against each other to outshine everyone else. If the office were all men, the environment would feel more competitive by way of shit talking and bragging. Work would be more fun and higher octane. Co-ed working environments make that impossible. Men have to basically castrate themselves in order to not ruffle the feathers of the women in the office.
If you’re having a weekly meeting with a woman and she starts bitching about another girl on the team or drops some gossip, hear her out for a few minutes then get the conversation back on track. You shouldn’t shut her down immediately as you won’t be seen as approachable, but you shouldn’t let it go on for too long. You’re both there to work at the end of the day.
If the women you’re managing are ganging up on you it’s because they want to fuck you. Laugh it off then use all of your willpower to not have sex with them.
I’m 30 and don’t have my life together. Should I start dating?
Subscriber: Med, long time first time and all that. I’m staring down the barrel of turning 30 and have realized I need to get back on the dating scene if I want a chance at marriage and a family. I have only had one girlfriend and we broke up over three years ago. I spiraled into a depressive/isolating episode that lasted another three years. Not proud of it but didn’t really know how to handle those feelings and the typical therapy/SSRI Gen Z prescription didn’t help.
I recently realized I need to take ownership of my life in order to make the future I want. I’ve been back in the gym losing weight and am working on getting my shit back together.
So, should I start dating now when I’m not in my best shape, don’t have my own place, and am not in the best place financially, or do I take the next year to get all of that figured out and then put myself back in the game?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. I miss the Medcast it was dope.
Med: Women will date a guy with a few extra pounds if other boxes are checked. The shape you’re in matters less than how you feel about yourself. If you don’t feel like you have your shit together then that’s going to come off like a bad stench when you’re dating. That being said, you don’t want to wait until you have everything lined up perfectly before you start talking to women again. It isn’t all-or-nothing.
I would start talking to women now, accept that you’re going to be a bit rusty for a little while and take some L’s. Your confidence will grow as you rack up small W’s while getting your life in order.
How do I find a purpose in life?
“Finding a purpose” is a binary concept that I don’t love. The assumption is you either “found” your purpose or you didn’t. “I found my purpose. I have purpose now.”
How can you Know you found your purpose? What if it’s something you like doing at this stage in your life? What if it’s something you’re doing to avoid doing something harder but more significant? Some people lose their minds, move to the countryside, tell themselves their purpose is to be a farmer, then move back home and realize they were running away from their problems.
In my experience, you feel like you have a purpose when you’re doing something you really like doing and are making progress towards getting better at it. When you’re in this state, you feel as if you’re aligned with the universe. Some people figure this out early and do it for the rest of their lives. But that’s rare.
I think “finding a purpose” means figuring out what that thing is while being open to adapt to the volatility of life.
Is it worth getting skinny enough to have thin arms but end up losing the curves of my butt and thighs?
Yes. And you won’t necessarily lose your curves. That has more to do with how your body is shaped than fat distribution. Regardless, this concern can be mitigated by doing pilates or light strength training at the gym. All women with thin arms are attractive. It’s worth it.
How do I stop my mind from being dulled by slop?
Subscriber: If you won’t mind answering, I have a question I wanted to ask you. I’ve observed that my quality of thought has reduced significantly over the years and it’s upsetting to me. I am also so exposed to slop it’s been harder to read quality stuff. How do you maintain pristineness of your thought?
Med: This is understandable and happens to a lot of people. I also feel less sharp when I’m exposed to too much slop. Whenever I start feeling that way I take a break from whatever is providing the slop. I’m no longer on X - The Slop Factory, but I used to take regular breaks there. Sometimes I’d step away for a weekend, sometimes for months at a time.
Just like how the people you spend the most time with shapes your personality, that also applies to social media. If you spend time on apps that make you feel dumb while you use them, your mind is going to deteriorate. I prefer Substack over Twitter for this reason.
Going to a museum always wakes up my mind. Reading too, of course, but being in the presence of art actives something in me that words do not. Talking to people who know me well and are willing to challenge me in good faith when they disagree with my perspective also has this effect.
What are the aspects of American culture you appreciate most vs. European culture?
Subscriber: What are the aspects of American culture you appreciate most and which ones from Mediterranean/Germanic culture?
Med: That’s a great question. I think about this often because I’ve spent a lot of time in countries with an actual culture. When I say “an actual culture”, I mean everyone eats the same food, there’s songs that everyone knows the dances to, there’s widespread agreement on gender roles, etc. This real culture takes shape from being ethnically homogenous and having a shared history.
American culture isn’t easy to define due to deep political divides and unchecked immigration over the last few decades. Immigrants bring the culture of their homeland with them and Americans no longer expect them to assimilate. If someone told me 20 years ago that the 2026 Super Bowl halftime show would be performed in Spanish, I wouldn’t have believed you.
America does have some shared values that I love. During COVID we learned that personal freedom is baked into the DNA of many Americans. Being told what to do just doesn’t work for about half the population. Americans have a natural resistance to authority. This is partially why America is such an influential and entrepreneurial country. Having the freedom to think and pursue your interests is what sparks creativity and innovation.
I also strongly value the 2nd Amendment. I believe Stand Your Ground laws should be implemented at the federal level. The idea that self-defense is a God-given right should be cherished.
I like how people are expected to mind their own business here. It’s considered rude to ask people you aren’t close friends with about their personal lives. Despite the left’s attempts to push their weird sexual fixations onto everyone else, they failed. Most Americans just want to be left alone and live their lives.
I also like how Americans value honesty and directness in communication. This is why we have such little respect for Canadians. They’re too polite and overly accommodating to be taken seriously. Americans want to know: “What wouldn’t you do if I asked you? Is there an actual person in there? Where’s your fucking spine?” These feelings also extend to the British who also prioritize politeness out of fear of being rude. Americans want you to get to the point so we can move on with our lives. There’s a ruggedness to this attitude that feels distinctly American.
Perhaps this is top of mind after of my most recent post about Indians — but Americans value being clean. Food is expected to be prepared well. One review about a bad bowel movement from a new restaurant can tank its business overnight. People are expected to shower, wear deodorant, and not smell offensive. Being a slob is looked down upon. Indoor plumbing is a given. Cleanliness isn’t a uniquely American value, but I appreciate that we have it.
When it comes to Mediterranean/Germanic culture, I will separate what I like about each.
I’ve worked with a lot of Northern Europeans, particularly Germans, and I appreciate how much they value being on time. Mediterraneans are known for being late, but I go out of my way to avoid it because I’d be deleting someone’s precious time. I also appreciate how systematically Germans think. Things needs to be in a certain order and in a certain way. It makes me understand why they’ve excelled so much in science, philosophy, and engineering.
I appreciate how Mediterraneans aren’t neurotic. We don’t worry that much but we don’t necessarily go with the flow either. There’s a sense of confidence that everything is going to be fine. There’s a warmness to this attitude that I appreciate.
I also appreciate how Mediterraneans tend to be naturally stylish and have a sex appeal that doesn’t come as naturally to other races.
Food is also taken very seriously, almost as much as the Japanese.
You posted recently about Spanish olive oil that you really loved, and it made me how familiar you are with Spanish cuisine. I went to San Sebastian for vacation and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that well in my life. Spanish cuisine is probably my favourite cuisine rn.
For reference, here is the olive oil I recommended:
I have to agree. The last time I visited Madrid I thought the same thing. As biased as I am towards Italian food, Spanish cuisine is the best in Europe right now.
I make gambas al aljillo and paella regularly at home. I need to learn how to make their croquetas at some point.
Do you read any monthly/quarterly print publications?
Subscriber: What are some of your favorite quarterly/monthly/weekly print publications to read, and how do you make time in your life for properly reading analog longform? (Obviously stage of life comes into play, as my responsibilities rn are research and classes not a real job and a family/home) Besides the general decline of manners, I think there’s also something to be said for the lost art of reading periodicals “like a gentleman” as opposed to scrolling through the Atlantic or first things on your phone
Med: I have the most amount of free time in the morning. I don’t sleep much and I wake up early, usually between 5-6AM. I check my notifications sooner than I should. After I get through them, I check the Subscribed tab on Substack to see if anyone I like has written anything I might be interested in or finish what I already started reading. I read books before I fall asleep or whenever else I have spare time.
I used to have the Wall Street Journal delivered to my home and I’d read a few articles before I went to work, but I became frustrated with their political biases and ended my subscription. When I was younger I would regularly read GQ and Men’s Health etc., but normal heterosexual men aren’t their target audience anymore. I miss publications like that because they had a pulse on trends, what was going on culturally, and catered to straight men. The internet has fragmented these interests too much. I’m not sure it could be replicated unless the publications were polished and very niche.
What’s your favorite Tim Dillon rant?
Med: That’s a hard one. I like most of his rants but some that come to mind are his impression of Lex Fridman, Long Island weddings, and the rant about the kid who killed himself because ChatGPT told him to. His podcast is excellent. Tim Dillon might be the best standup comedian right now.
Coffee preferences?
Med: I use a moka pot every morning for espresso. I use Illy espresso and usually drink it straight. I think everyone should own a Bialetti. It’s another example of beautiful, supreme Italian engineering. 90% of homes in Italy have one in their kitchen. If I want to make a latte or put in the effort to make 10/10 espresso, I use a Breville Bambino Plus.
When and how did you lose your virginity?
Med: I was 15 and I had sex with a woman. I wrote about the experience in detail here:
My fiance is signaling that he wants to pull back professionally and be content with less income, before we’ve even had kids. It feels like whiplash because this wasn’t who he presented himself to be when we got together. How do I navigate? He knew going in that I want to be a MILFy stay-at-home mom.
Med: That’s really not good. Unfortunately this happens to a lot of men. Some guys find a woman then they start to get too comfortable and lose their edge.
What’s good is he isn’t your husband and you don’t have kids. If this is a dealbreaker for you then you should let him know what your expectations are if you’re going to get married. If he isn’t willing to meet them, then it’s better to end things now rather than waiting until after you have kids.
Why do you not believe in waiting until marriage if it produces generally better long-term results?
The question applies differently to both sexes. Women should wait as long as they can and only sleep with men they could see fathering their children. That doesn’t necessarily mean waiting until marriage, because marriage doesn’t guarantee anything. Men on the other hand do not have an innate purity to protect and become more formidable as they gain life experience.
Women have more to lose from unfulfilling sexual experiences with the opposite sex than men do.
I wrote about this in more detail here:
The Sanctity of Purity
Bodycount — the most insufferable yet prickly topic of all online ‘gender discourse.’ And understandably so. It’s the least cut and dry topic because we’re trying to morally evaluate someone’s past solely from a numerical value. But one’s sexual history
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