In Session 2 we discuss:
Paid subscribers ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.
Enjoy 🤍
Flirting Better
Subscriber: Hey Med, hope you’re good I’ve been getting better at funnymaxxing, which has helped a ton with breaking the ice and adopting a more unapologetic demeanor. Listening deeply without judgment and being attentive to others has also been a major boost for my relationships. That said, beyond those set of skills, I struggle with flirting. I’m still too much in my head and don’t know how to develop a flirtatious attitude. Overall, I feel too rigid when I try to be seductive. I can make girls laugh and listen well, but escalating the situation and seducing is something I haven’t honed yet. Thanks, Med! TL;DR: How do I flirt?
Med: Flirting is an act of playfulness. Being lighthearted, and not taking life too seriously is required in order to flirt properly. Being able to make fun of yourself allows you to lightly make fun of other people. But I must stress the word lightly. Poking fun at someone without making them feel bad or pointing out something they might be actually insecure about. Flirting can also take place through direct compliments about a girl’s appearance or saying something you like about her personality. But if you’re trying to shake the part of you that comes across too rigid then I would focus on being playful. This comes down to loosening up and not caring too much about the outcome.
Ending Things With a Girl In Your Social Circle
Subscriber: How to end things with a girl I dated once, after meeting through a mutual social group?
I met this girl through my tennis community and asked her out that same evening. We got drinks, talked a lot, kissed a little, but I realized that I'm not that attracted to her.
I don't want to lead her on, especially before she feels more attached, and she already seems very attracted and nervous - constantly yapping on the date, suggesting new plans. However, I'm unsure of how to end things with someone who is a part of an in-person social group without making things awkward for her when we inevitably see each other again in the future at tennis.
Med: If you only went on one date, it’s fine to slowly phase her out by responding less frequently and using less words as you respond. If she isn’t socially retarded she’ll get the hint and it probably won’t be a big deal. She’s infatuated with you, but if she isn’t a psycho — she’ll feel stupid when you’re around each other again for a little while then she’ll move on.
If you went on several dates and it’s a bit deeper than that, I’d have a different response, but it sounds like it was brief. Shouldn’t be a problem to end it naturally.
Dating in Germany
Subscriber: What would you recommend to a 35 yo male dude living in Germany to find his future wife? The country is super liberal and so are the girls. Online dating is not so easy, especially since I like girls in their 20‘s. Do you have any specific recommendations to meet new girls besides joining some social events? I could to cold approach as well but it doesn’t feel natural at all just to walk around the city and approach girls. Thanks a lot and keep it up!
Med: Well first, I wouldn’t look at it as “looking for a wife.” I would first work on looking for a girl you enjoy spending a few hours with, then see if she’s worthy of being your girlfriend, then see if she’s worthy of being your wife. One step at a time.
Germany is unfortunately one of the countries in Europe I haven’t visited, so I’m unfamiliar with how the women are there. From what I can see online, it’s an extremely cucked country. At least the politics are anyway. So it makes sense the girls there would be more liberal than average.
Is Germany your home or are you just there temporarily? If the latter, I would suggest living in a place that isn’t so hyperliberal. If Germany is your home, then I would try meeting women online who might be less liberal. I’m not sure how the dating apps work there, but filtering out liberal girls could be a first step (if that’s even legal there lol). If not, then I would start approaching girls in person. It most definitely doesn’t feel natural but that’s why most men don’t do it. Given most men don’t do it — those who do it confidently stand out and girls are impressed that you even tried in the first place. That confidence comes with taking a lot of L’s. So I would start practicing given your option are limited.
I have an essay that could help this that was recently featured in Man’s World by Raw Egg Nationalist, which I’ll be publishing soon.
Getting a Vasectomy
Subscriber: Dear medgold, I have a vasectomy question. My wife suggested getting snipped, i instinctively responded with “go fuck yourself” and asked her to drop the idea entirely. “Spiritual cuckoldry”, etc etc.
However, i may be warming up to the idea given our particular set of circumstances.
My wife and I are in our upper 30’s, already have 3 children (all young so we have our hands full), are okay with this number, and don’t plan on having anymore.
But the biggest reason is that sex has now become less of getting lost in the moment by two horny individuals and more of this anxiety dance of trying not to get pregnant in the process. Which honestly, sort of sucks the fun out of it.
Condoms suck, and I’d rather not make my wife go on birth control.
I’d tried finding a nuanced take on this, but everyone is too retarded when discussing the topic of vasectomies, especially considering my circumstance.
As the least retarded person on relationships and love on X, what is your take on this (my situation), and feel free to expand on the topic as you’d like.
Med: Pulling out is the best way, but that’s only if you’re confident you won’t nut in her. Is that not an option?
Your initial response to her suggestion is correct. However, you already have 3 kids, so it isn’t as emasculating as it would be for a man who doesn’t have children. You’re in a different category because of that.
But I imagine it will still “feel” like a cucked thing to do after the fact, so I wouldn’t suggest getting it done as an emotional experiment because getting it reversed it just as invasive of a procedure. It’s a big decision.
I suggest going with the pullout method. In the meantime, throwing on a condom around the time you think you’re going to nut is a good way to prevent pregnancy as you practice getting better at it. But if there’s more details about why the pullout method isn’t on the table right now let me know and I will answer differently.
AI’s Impact on Culture, Dating, and Socializing
Subscriber: Hi Med, I've been thinking a lot lately about the implications of AI and the effects it might have on our world moving forward. As someone who follows your feed it seems like you do the same to some degree.
My question today is more about how you think the slow creep of AI into the everyday lives of people will affect our culture as a whole.
I'm a frequent user of dating apps and have had a fair amount of success with them, but recently I have noticed more and more instances of bot behavior or straight-up AI generated accounts that could look awfully convincing to someone who is not as familiar with it. Yes, these apps have verification badges, but as with anything I think future tech will only make it easier for people to find ways to bypass these verifications.
This has got me thinking a lot about where the dating scene might be going. It's clear that technologically, we're heading toward a place where it will be very difficult or impossible in the future to detect what is real and what is fake. Photo/video evidence used to be the gold standard for proof, but now even those can be generated with a simple prompt.
Do you think that with this future ahead of us, it will eventually steer people away from online dating and somewhat horseshoe theory us back to a place where people prefer and primarily utilize in-person socialization to find dates and relationships?
As a slightly unrelated extension to this, I think often about how this could affect our broader culture as well. Given that you've mentioned your thoughts on "celebrity culture" being dead here and there I figure I'll throw it in.
In the past the super/megastars of their day (Michael Jackson, The Beatles) gained their mythic status partly because fame was more scarce back then. They were inaccessible as people and yes, in a very literal sense of the word, legendary. Social media and the direct access to the lives of these people took much of the charm and mystique away from celebrity. Even the genuine talents of today don't inspire the awe that celebrities of the past did.
Back to AI. Now, more than ever, are people generating film, music, and more with this new tech. Like with dating, it will be less easy than ever to discern what is authentic and what is not simply from your phone.
Part of the initial allure of social media was that it allowed us to see real things going on so far removed from our place in the world with just the tap of a screen. This key draw is now in jeopardy.
Do you think that with the line between human and AI becoming more blurry when it comes to entertainment you consume online, we could, again, horseshoe us back into a place where real talent, musicianship, and celebrity is more of a mythic, legendary thing once again? This is of course in correlation with its scarcity, which I suspect will grow once again once AI becomes good enough.
It's clear AI has a lot in store for us as a country and world that we aren't entirely sure we're prepared for yet. But as I've said here, I think we'll experience some sort of horseshoe theory where, in things like dating, music, and more in life, the knowledge that what you're getting is legitimate and human will become somewhat of a currency in and of itself.
Since you've commented a lot on this stuff, I'm curious to hear your thoughts—if you agree with any of what I've said, where you think things may differ in the long-run, and how you think AI will impact the value of authenticity in all corners of our culture long-term.
Med: You’re right, I think about this problem quite often and I generally agree with your prediction of where it’s going.
It doesn’t surprise me that people are using AI to run scams on dating apps. Technically, that’s easy for a company to detect and ban. It’s in their best interest to do, so I assume that won’t last very long.
The real problem is with people using AI to drastically alter how they look. Catfishing will be taken to a new level and eventually people will catch onto it. I don’t think dating apps are going anywhere though. Detecting this will require a new skill that people need to develop, similar to how people need to be able to catch non-AI catfishing now.
But in general, I think there’s going to be serious internet burnout for people who can detect real life vs. AI. I’ve said before that both zoomers and boomers are particularly bad at this. Boomers can’t imagine a world where screens would lie to them and for younger zoomers anyway, screens are all they know. Millennials have the best balance of the two and tend to be the most skeptical. Some of the best millennial posters I know stopped using X entirely since Elon turned it into a slopfest, for example.
I suspect there will be a horseshoe effect but it will look quite different than it used to. I don’t think we’re ever going to return to a world where people are just “in the moment” without their phones, but I agree there’s going to be significant value and capital in being someone who can socialize, doesn’t live their entire life online, and has a strong voice of their own. I suspect people who can straddle that line will be the next “rockstars” as they will stand out amongst a crowd of people who are trying to be memes and can’t be distinguished from LLMs.
Social Media Detoxes & Why Boredom is Good
Subscriber: Hi Med, I remembered a remark you made saying that “boredom is a good thing” and have been thinking about it recently. Took this weekend off to rest/reorient from an otherwise very busy life and it’s a hard come down from constant stimulation, career grind, etc. Was wondering if you had any other thoughts on being bored in the year 2025. Salute 🥂
Med: A few months ago I did a hard social media detox that lasted 3 months. First I deactivated my X account. Then I noticed I was scrolling Substack for no reason. So I deleted the app. Then I noticed I was mindless scrolling YouTube looking for a video to watch. Like an addict looking for a hit. Then I realized it’s not about any specific app, it’s just dopamine addiction. Then I felt a hard crash. It lasted a few days. But that’s totally normal.
I do social media detoxes somewhat regularly but that was the first one I took in a while, given the crash. It’s good that you’re taking them and I recommend taking them frequently, even if it’s just for a few days.
Boredom is good because it allows you to daydream and just be a person. It also forces you to sit with your own thoughts and feel emotions that you might be running away from. I don’t recommend being bored for long periods of time unnecessarily, but giving yourself the space to be bored allows you to feel like a human again and become more grounded. People should be bored more often.
Dating Multiple Women at Once
Subscriber: Hey Med. Any tips for dating multiple women at once? Context: I’m seeing two women. A is my age (early 30s), Spanish, plays tennis, works in HR. We’ve had 8 dates in a month, there’s a really good vibe overall and great interpersonal chemistry but I think she’s a little overweight. The sex is ok but held back by condom use and she’s hinted at exclusivity but it feels early. B is mid 20s, Austrian, a dance and yoga teacher. We’ve had 4 dates over about 6 weeks, which I consider very slow but she’s now more free and can spend more time with me. Not yet got to sex but it’s pretty clear that’s on the cards next time. She is in excellent shape and I find myself very attracted to her. However the interpersonal chemistry is less obviously strong than with A and I suspect her of being woke. Plan is to stay non exclusive for a couple of weeks, give each a fair window, then decide. Any good ways to work out who I’m more attracted to and test long term compatibility?
Med: You took the words right out of my mouth. Giving each of them a fair window is important before deciding. You’ve been on a good amount of dates with both girls to get a good feel for them.
For the Spanish girl, sex can always get better. That’s mostly dependent on the man by having open communication about what you like and paying attention to how she responds to what you do. I would read my answer above regarding condom use — as long as you’re both clean, the pullout method is the best policy. That may take some time though and I wouldn’t bring that up unless you decide on her. Getting her to lose weight is possible to.
For the Austrian girl, the lack of interpersonal chemistry is a concern because that’s ultimately what long-term relationships come down to. If you aren’t vibing with her after 4 dates, it’s not a great sign. If she’s woke, that kind of comes with the territory now, but that can be shaken off in due time as long as you hold your ground and don’t argue with her about it. I would try to narrow down what it is about you two that isn’t clicking and see if it’s something that can be fixed or if it’s just baked into your dynamic. Sometimes people just don’t vibe. I would give it a few more dates. Sex might open things up and improve the chemistry. That being said, if you can’t stand her then I wouldn’t have sex with her.
If things don’t improve after a few dates, the Spanish girl sounds like the right choice. Listen to your gut. Go with what feels right.
Recharging Your Social Battery as an Introvert
Subscriber: How do you increase social battery as an introvert? I actually do not use that term often until I've noticed it recently. There are just moments where I don't want to talk to anyone. And if someone do strike up a conversation with me I'm just very robotic and out of it.
Med Gold: I’ve tested to be extremely extraverted but my girlfriend actually thinks I’m actually an introvert. She noticed that when we’re around people I’m extremely outgoing and social but as soon as everyone leaves, I need to decompress.
I believe the way to measure extraversion vs. introversion is whether socializing gives you energy or drains your energy. I’m somewhere in the middle. I love being around people but after a while, I need to recharge my batteries.
If I’m out to dinner and out with people for a few hours, a quick trip to the bathroom to take a breath and have a minute to myself usually gives me the recharge I need. If I have people over, I need a few hours after everyone leaves to socialize to feel like myself again.
I would say in your case, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to anyone but after a while, push yourself to get back out there until the night is over. Also, some people are unfathomably boring. If someone tries to talk to me and I don’t find them interesting, I want to kill myself. I think that’s normal. Don’t feel bad about that. It’s okay to wrap a conversation up and talk to someone you enjoy talking to more.
Book Recommendations
Subscriber: Hi, I've found your writing to be extremely valuable. Your insights are realistic, track with my experiences, and don't have any of the resentment I've noticed in the "manosphere" (TRP and so on), which I've found useful in the past. Do you have any book recommendations (fiction and non-fiction) that you've found relevant to the topic of women, dating and relationships?
Med Gold: I wish I had recommendations but the majority of what I write about comes from personal experience. I read one book a very long time ago, The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, but I mainly used that to get myself out of a slump I was in. It’s an intense book. There’s some good stuff in there about male and female polarity though, definitely worth checking out.
Girls Who Sleep With Black Guys
Subscriber: Hey Med, wanted to hear your thoughts on something because you’re one of the few reasonable voices. And this isn’t something I want to bring up with friends or anything. For context I’m low 30s, a physician (rich, relatively), have fucked 150+ girls and I have zero insecurities with anything sexually. Like you, I don’t care about “body count” (within reason) and have never asked a single girl in my life. Current girlfriend (26) is the first girl I see true lustful passion, compatibility and chemistry with since I was 21 years old. However, recently learned she’s fucked a few black guys. I don’t distrust her, sex and everything else is great, and again this is isn’t some porn-brained dick envy thing either. Something about it bothers me spiritually in a way I can’t even articulate. Am I just being a faggot and trying to find something wrong? What are your thoughts on this sort of thing? Would deeply appreciate your take. Thank you
Med Gold: No, I wouldn’t be able to get past it either. The genetic distance is too vast to wrap your head around, hence why you can’t articulate why. There’s a very primal aversion to hearing such news. That reaction is completely normal.
Male Instinct & Wanting To Only Date Virgins
Subscriber: Hey Med, not sure if this is the avenue or not, but just thought I'd shoot you a DM see if I can get your take on my matter. I'm 25, a bit of a weirdo, kind of longhoused myself throughout my early twenties and stuff. Went through the whole rabbit hole of Faith, Christianity, rw politics and the general search for meaning. I also worked my ass off to eventually graduate uni and get into med school, so my future's kind of sorted as long as I keep working hard, and I enjoy what I do.
However, I've barely had any sort of romantic interactions. I've had a few girls i've cold approached or had crushes on but sort of failed to get them to like me back. That coupled with some self-esteem issues coupled with some pornography use (which i've curtailed and understand the value in curtailing), caused me to lack my instinct and my ability to sexually proposition/impose myself onto girls I like. I am sort of trying to remedy that now, but I am unsure of how to do it. My main issues are as follows:
I basically longhoused myself through like expectations or entitlements to pussy and never really got to let my male instinct run loose and just throw myself at things.
- What would you say is the best way to rekindle your instinct or potentiate it as much as possible? I realize now the value of the sexual instinct and its importance more so than the word games/mind salad you play in your head to try and justify shit, especially with women.
-While I read your article on the issue and I agree with it, i really would obviously prefer to be with a girl who is a virgin purely for sentimental reasons. This just seems to me to be a big block and i can't really imagine myself falling in love without it (who knows though).
i guess i feel basically my instincts aren't honed in enough, so i instead get these feelings of doubt, apprehension and worry about where to find the right girl, where to look, how to sort it out etc. Would you say that is a fair assessment? Sorry for the rant, I'm just a little stressed about this topic, and i'm scared I'll not find something I can desire, or even worse, i'll be forced to settle. I don't mind giving online dating a fat shot. Id appreciate any advice or back and forth, regards.
sorry if its all over the place, i just don’t really know how to sort of appraise my situation. whatever you'll say is of help to me also i am a virgin as well hahaha, with no romantic exp. whatsoever. wouldn't say i’m ugly or anything, not gonna get neurotic about t, but my problems are more so my own doing i think.
Med: I’m not sure if you’ve read these posts, but if not, I would start there. They cover a lot of what you’re talking about.
First I will say — congratulations on coming out the other side of the RW ideological vortex and wanting to actually date women. A lot of guys get stuck in the religion and politics end of it and just remain terminally online. It also sounds like you got trapped in incel loop by feeling entitled to getting laid. It will take a little bit to shake this off and unlearn the poison you learned, but the fact you got out of there is more than half the battle.
I recommend reading Your Oneitis is Stinking Up The Room not because I think you have Oneitis, but you’re clearly hung up on a few L’s from the past. We all take them. It happens. You can’t let it ferment and permanently tank your self-esteem. I’ve had plenty (I should write another one of these):
Also, congratulations on getting your porn addiction under control. It makes sense that it would affect your instincts and drive to pursue women directly, but I suspect that will subside after a long enough time of watching porn. I strongly recommend eating healthy, getting in shape, getting good sleep, and lifting. All of these things will improve your energy levels and testosterone. I also recommend getting a comprehensive blood lab to see if there’s anything you’re nutritionally deficient in that needs to be supplemented. If you don’t know of a doctor who won’t just regurgitate standard health advice, I’d anonymize the results then pop them into Grok to see how it interprets them in a private chat then start researching on your own. Again, anonymized and in a private chat. AI cannot be trusted with personal information.
Lastly, with wanting to only date virgins, I would scrap that idea. The chances of you meeting a girl who’s a virgin is very slim, and frankly — it’s a tremendous responsibility for someone who doesn’t have much experience with sex or dating. I would read On Female Sexual History to get past this, because it truly doesn’t matter. That’s some RW ideology residue that’s still lingering in your mind but you’re on the path to ridding yourself of it completely. Good luck. Happy to answer any other questions you might have about this or the above posts.
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Props for that sweet zero in Agreeableness. Mad props.