You Can Reinvent Yourself As Many Times As You Want
After you stop running from your nature
You can become the perfect version of yourself. You can become that imaginary person in your mind who’s better than you at everything. That version of you already exists in a hypothetical future. Sometimes you can see it vividly. You can taste it. It feels realer than you do now. Yet it’s blocked behind the clouds of your delusions. This version is who you really are if you would accept your deepest flaws. When you stop lying to yourself, the distance between you and your potential becomes shorter. The road to becoming is paved clear.
It’s easy to get used to yourself. Especially if your life is stagnant or predictable. You’ve come to conclusions about yourself years ago but never revisited them. Lies that have embedded themselves into your soul.
You can quit the job you hate. End the shitty relationship. Move to another country. And still, you’re stuck with yourself again. Back to square one. The dramatic changes you made turned out to be surface-level. That which stops you from becoming remains.
The mind is exceptional at creating potent images of a potential future. Picturing yourself dying alone in a nursing home might inspire you to treat people better. Picturing yourself with the life you always wanted might inspire you to become more disciplined. These images are effective at inspiring change. Temporarily.
I don’t like to feel inspired. I don’t trust it. Sparks of inspiration come and go. They’re a weekend fling. Nothing changes permanently without irreversible transformation.
When I lie to myself about my flaws, I can no longer see that image of myself. I either justify them or pretend they don’t exist. I’m prone to sloth. I’m prone to overindulgence.
“I can be really fucking lazy.”
“I self-soothe to avoid feeling guilt.”
“I’m overly critical of people, just like my father.”
When I fully acknowledge my flaws, and see them as barriers that can be overcome, I see him clearly again. When I’m arrogant, he fades away.
“I’m the fucking man actually.”
“I have everything I ever wanted.”
“My teenage self would be proud of me.”
Great. Good stuff. Maybe I should just kill myself then. If I’m not striving for more, what’s the point in being alive?
I don’t like to give blanket advice. Everyone is different. Coming toe-to-toe with your own nature is the scary reality that makes inspiration so fleeting because the grunt work required to change is daunting. Admitting them out loud, writing them down, praying for help, then sticking to a plan to fix them. Getting your hands dirty with your own filth is the only way to climb out of the hole you dug for yourself.
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Glad you wrote this, a lot to think about
After you stop running from your nature - I love this! I think life is a gift and a privilege and the only offering worth giving is all of yourself. There are so many “self-improvement” guides and programs out there that encourage people to just let go/ get rid of the undesirable parts of themselves. Just ignore… or “fake it till you make it.” In the end, it’s like cutting off a limb in the hopes that amputation will somehow make them whole. I think every part of us can serve a purpose, once acknowledged and worked with/healed.