The Basics of Male Hygiene
You can always be cleaner, less musty
Some men are musty. They don’t take care of themselves and they don’t smell good. To be musty doesn’t mean they necessarily smell terrible, or have body odor. It means they have the vague scent of a damp towel that’s been sitting in the hamper, a stuffy basement, or the inside of a closet. This stench is unpleasant. It’s an indicator you aren’t doing well. No amount of cologne will mask it.
If a man is musty, then he either isn’t maintaining basic hygiene, or his home smells so funky that the stench clings onto his clothes and skin, following him throughout his life. He’s a slob. He’s musty because he doesn’t care, or because that’s all he knows. He might believe that taking care of himself is gay, or a little too prim.
There is nothing masculine or feminine about being a clean person. It’s part of being an adult in Western civilization. But not everyone rises to the occasion. I’ve lived with men. I can confirm that some men are fine with seeing trash pile up into a mountain, letting dishes “soak” in the sink for days, and using old crusty pillows that look like they’ve been used to mop urine. I’ve also heard countless complaints from women about men’s bathrooms being biohazards, men not wiping their ass well, or men rarely changing their underwear. Truly, it isn’t hard to figure out why most people aren’t having sex.
In this post I will cover the basics of male hygiene and home maintenance. If you stay on top of these things, you will not be musty. While I might sound harsh at times, I write this from a place of love.
Clean Your Pee
Jordan Peterson didn’t go far enough. “Make your bed and clean your damn room” sunk into the minds of millions of men, but not their hearts, apparently. He should have said “Clean your pee and wipe your damn butt hole.” We’ve all walked into a bathroom and needed to wipe droplets of pee off the top rim, or were greeted by crusty pee stains on the bottom rim. Men’s public restrooms are hell on Earth.
Who raised these people? I don’t understand how someone doesn’t lift up the toilet seat to urinate or clean up any accidental mess. If a few drops of pee drip onto the rim, why not just wipe it after flushing? Even if one lives alone, what’s to gain? You’re going to have to clean it at some point. They either believe yellow compliments the room or they’re extremely lazy.
Some men claim they only clean their bathroom when they know a woman is coming over and it’s not a big deal. I couldn’t disagree more. Personally, I don’t want to look at pee. Ever. I thank God that I was born in a world with indoor plumbing.
You can walk away from the leftover pee and tell yourself you’ll clean it all after it’s become too much to look at, or you can clean it now like an adult. Just clean your pee, man. It takes 2 seconds.
Clean Your Butt Hole
I hate to speak about such a gross subject, but I’ve heard women complain about men not wiping their butt well enough. They’re hooking up, he takes off his pants, then she gets hit with an unpleasant stench. This doesn’t mean these men poop themselves or don’t wipe at all, but there’s enough of a stench that she remembered it. We all know what’s going on here. They wiped a few times, got bored, then gave up. Utter laziness once again.
Allow me to offer a piece of wisdom. If you find yourself wiping over and over again, then you probably aren’t finished. Stay on the toilet until the job is done.
I’m not saying you need to buy a bidet (although I highly recommend it), but you shouldn’t leave the bathroom until the last round of used toilet paper looks pristine. Take a shower if you need to. Clean your butt hole. No excuses!
Never Wear Dirty Underwear
I don’t need women to confirm that men don’t change their underwear every day because I’ve had male roommates. Indeed, a lot of men wear the same underwear for multiple days in a row. This is absolutely fucking disgusting.
Your underwear is technically dirty after every time you go #2 — even if you cleaned yourself perfectly. There’s still poop particles hanging around there. Your underwear might become dirty after you pee if a few drops dribble out after you’ve walked away. I’m not saying you should change your underwear after every time you use the bathroom — but you must consider the underwear you’re wearing a biohazard before taking a shower. Throw it into the hamper, take a shower, then put on a clean pair.
You Need To Be Showering
I shower at least twice a day, sometimes three times. The third shower is what I call a vibe shower. That’s a mid-day shower for when I need a vibe shift. Sometimes the day builds up a funk that can only be shaken off with a vibe shower. The vibe shower clears my mind. It feels like I’m restarting the day.
Showering every morning is mandatory. Even if you showered before bed — your body produces sweat, oils, and dead skin cells that accumulate on your body and hair while you sleep. This all needs to be cleaned off. You will look better and feel better if you shower before starting the day. Trust me.
A shower before bed is also necessary. If you went outside, the muck of humanity has settled onto your skin. The stench of homeless people, food that fell off garbage trucks, and air pollution has formed film that latched onto your skin. It needs to be cleaned off. If you don’t, you’ll bring it into bed with you, then it’s going to mix with all of the sweat and oils that are excreting from your body while you sleep. It’s disgusting to think about really.
Your Clothes Might Smell Like A Closet
This brings me to the rest of your clothes. You can’t put on a clean pair of underwear if all of them are sitting in the hamper. Cleaning your clothes is not hard. Put detergent in, press the right buttons, then turn it on. After that, put the wet clothes in the dryer. If your clothes aren’t completely dry, turn the dryer on again.
Personally I like to air dry my clothes because it maintains the quality of the fabric. However, if you’re going to do this — you must hang them outside or near an open window to make sure they are completely dry.
I’m placing emphasis on the dryness of your clothes because if they’re even slightly wet, they’re going to smell bad. Yes, again, because of bacteria. No amount of showering or high-end fragrances will override the stench of a shirt that smells like bacteria. Damp clothes cause “closet smell”, a major cause of mustiness. Clean your clothes and make sure they’re completely dry.
Throw Out The Yellow Pillow
We’ve all seen the yellow pillow. It’s crusty, stained, and it smells like a decade of sweat and whatever else soaked into it. Throw it out. The yellow pillow is disgusting and there’s no reason to use it. It’s garbage, so it belongs in the trash. Buy yourself new pillows. There’s not much else that needs to be said here. Just look at it.
Your Bed Should Be A Sanctuary
Your sheets, pillow covers, and comforter should be cleaned at least twice a month for the same reason you should shower twice a day — your body is constantly excreting things, and it needs to be cleaned off. If your bed is dirty, that’s even more work you need to do in the shower to clean off all the excess filth. If your bed smells musty, you will smell musty. It’s not the most fun thing in the world to do, but it must be done. This is called being an adult.
You Should Be Able To Eat Off Your Floors
Vacuum often. Make sure there aren’t food crumbs, dust, hair, and the other waste that gravity brings onto your floor. If you have kids, I get it. It’s going to be nearly impossible to keep your floors clean every day. But if you’re single, then there’s absolutely no excuse.
If you only have carpet, vacuuming is enough. If you have hardwood, vacuum then clean the floors. Personally, I’m not a fan of mopping. Use something that sprays out cleaner as you run the cloth across the floor. The extra effort will make your place look and feel significantly cleaner.
Make your place look presentable. Respect your home. Respect yourself.
Put Your Shit Away
I can’t go to bed until everything is in its right place. If I wake up and everything is a mess, I can’t think. I like to wake up to a clean home. It’s a good way to start your day.
If you finish drinking something, pour the rest of it into the sink, then put the cup directly into the dishwasher. After you’re done eating, pour the scraps into the garbage, then place the dish into the dishwasher, along with your utensils. If the dishwasher is full, empty it and put everything away.
Don’t leave clean dishes sitting in the dishwasher for days or they start to smell musty. Then your apartment smells musty. Now you smell musty.
Your trash should be taken out every single night. If not, you’re letting the scent of trash build up in your apartment. Soon your apartment will smell like trash, your clothes will smell like trash, then you will smell like trash. Do you want to smell like trash? Also, if you leave dirty dishes in the sink to “soak” — the dishes will pile up, bacteria will form, then your apartment will start to smell like rotting food.
If your apartment smells like rotting food — bugs, cockroaches, and rats will quickly get word of how you live and be attracted to the scent of your home. Now you’re inviting vermin into your home. Is that how you want to live? Someone who lives amongst rats? Is that who you wanted to be when you grew up?
If You Have Bad Breath, Everyone Wants You To Die
Nothing is going to turn a woman off faster than having bad breath. This applies to everyone. Not just men. If a woman has bad breath, I don’t want to talk to her anymore. If a man has bad breath, I hate him and I want him to go away. You should brush at least twice a day, ideally after each meal, and floss every night before you fall asleep, because food is getting stuck in between your teeth. The longer you don’t brush it, the longer it rots, the worse your breath gets, and the more people will wish you’d just leave.
Basic Grooming — Nobody Wants To Look At That
Depending on how old you are, you might have hair growing inside your nose and ears that have gotten so long to the point that people can notice. Nobody likes to see this. Please do us all a favor and trim them. You can buy an ear and nose hair trimmer on Amazon for less than $20.
Clip your fingernails and your toenails regularly. It’s gross to look at if you don’t. Dirt builds up under your nails and turns into bacteria. Now your hands and feet smell bad. This is also a common cause of mustiness.
I don’t get manicures or pedicures, but if it’s been a while since you’ve maintained your hands and feet — you might want to consider it.
Don’t Use 3-in-1
3-in-1 cleaners don’t actually clean your hair or your body. They’re a scam marketed towards lazy people.
Shampoo uses strong chemicals that open up your hair cuticles to strip oil and dirt from them. Conditioner uses oppositely-charged ingredients to smooth and reseal the chemicals in the shampoo. Mixing those chemicals cancels them out. Nothing is happening. 3-in-1 leaves your hair greasy from not being fully cleaned or dull from poor conditioning. Also, your body’s skin has different oil levels and sensitivity than the scalp. The chemicals in 3-in-1 are watered down so they don’t wreck your skin, which means they don’t clean your hair or body properly. It doesn’t work.
If you’re using 3-in-1, you should throw it out and buy shampoo, conditioner, and soap to actually clean yourself.
I wrote this from a place of love. When I notice a man is musty, I want to help him — but I’m not going to walk up to a stranger and tell him to clean his butt hole. Maybe this article will find its way to him. Mustiness is an easy problem to solve, and it’s a real contributor to the dating problems a lot of men have.
You can always be cleaner, less musty.
This is all downstream of how you were raised. Part of boot camp is to teach the recruits who were raised in pigstys how to do basic hygiene. Otherwise everyone gets sick.
Same reason barracks cleanliness is very tough.
It takes years of repetition with some teenage boys to get them to do this stuff, and that's even with parents who are on top of this stuff. Eventually they get it, if you keep on them.
What you're seeing is an absolute breakdown in basic parenting and childrearing.
One more, SHAVE YOURSELF. Ass, armpits, balls etc. whether you aesthetically want it or not is irrelevant, they contribute A LOT to smell. If you really WANT to be hairy some chest hair is fine but even then you'd probably be better off clean shaven.