I think you're right about the pressure being on "getting married early" and "marrying the first person you love." It works less than a lot of idealist trads would ever admit. It's mostly a LARP.
I've had people ask me what age I want to get married, and quite frankly, I think it's kind of a ridiculous question. People talk about "the age they're going to get married" all the time. I just don't get it. Seems like a sure way to talk yourself into committing to marriage for the wrong reasons.
I typically tell people that for me, anyway, it's about finding the right person first. I'm not on a set timeline. I don't care if I'm 25, 35, or 45 when it happens. I put myself out there, I talk to girls, I date quite a lot compared to most people my age, and I make an effort to connect with girls I think there could be something more with, but it's not out of desperation or panic about my age, it's because I enjoy it and I believe it will help me get closer to finding someone truly right for me in the long-term.
Where most people start to think I'm crazy, though, is when I tell them that if I'm not confident someone truly is that person, then I'm perfectly okay with going through life unmarried. I would like to get married, and I have faith that I will find that person, like you said, through fate and facing the unknown. But if I don't? That's okay. Because I would also probably rather die than make a life commitment to someone I'm not sure is the one, out of convenience or because "time is running out." I would never bring children into this world with someone unless I was absolutely confident that they would have nothing short of parents who were truly in love. I've seen what loveless or lackluster marriages do to kids. Not good. Marriage might be the last thing in life you want to "settle" on.
But, maybe that's just me. Lots of people I explain this to don't get it. Anyway, that's my two cents ramble. Great article.
Zooming out, I think the 2 biggest bottlenecks for long-term relationships (which ultimately are the core of marriages) can be boiled down to:
1) knowledge (which this substack provides)
2) economics (money is required to upgrade your situationship/initially-passionate fling into something serious)
Unsurprisingly, these 2 parts of the equation are the most suppressed at the moment, 1 with most men being gay now, and 2 due to the fact that the boomer wealth golden age was a unique one-time event that has since passed.
Marriage, especially in the traditional catholic sense, could only thrive in an environment we’re only Men could provide so women didn’t really have a choice but to marry and with restrictive divorce. Now today, it’s toothless, but that’s no reason to doom since although maybe marriage is much more fragile but at least we can actually choose people we like versus people are parents pressured us into or a stupid first love
I'm 29 now and I'm currently in a relationship, we live together.
I also lived together with my ex girlfriend.
Somehow I can't and couldn't stand living with these women, it annoys me. Not sure if I'm the problem or if they both are just not the right fit for me.
I mean they are helpful in day to day life and do almost all the chores and household stuff but living with them day to day seems to numb my romantic feelings towards them.
Yeah I'm really not sure if I'm the problem or if it would be different if they were "the right person" for me
Don’t want to come across as blunt or dickish. But you’ve answered your own question. Very likely, they’re not the right fit for you and there’s nothing wrong with you (idk, maybe you’re nuts but the fact you’re self aware enough to ask this question leads me to think you’re not).
Been with my wife over two decades (I’m oldtroon). We’ve lived together 99% of the time. I couldn’t imagine living with someone I couldn’t stand living with. Good luck.
I think you're right about the pressure being on "getting married early" and "marrying the first person you love." It works less than a lot of idealist trads would ever admit. It's mostly a LARP.
I've had people ask me what age I want to get married, and quite frankly, I think it's kind of a ridiculous question. People talk about "the age they're going to get married" all the time. I just don't get it. Seems like a sure way to talk yourself into committing to marriage for the wrong reasons.
I typically tell people that for me, anyway, it's about finding the right person first. I'm not on a set timeline. I don't care if I'm 25, 35, or 45 when it happens. I put myself out there, I talk to girls, I date quite a lot compared to most people my age, and I make an effort to connect with girls I think there could be something more with, but it's not out of desperation or panic about my age, it's because I enjoy it and I believe it will help me get closer to finding someone truly right for me in the long-term.
Where most people start to think I'm crazy, though, is when I tell them that if I'm not confident someone truly is that person, then I'm perfectly okay with going through life unmarried. I would like to get married, and I have faith that I will find that person, like you said, through fate and facing the unknown. But if I don't? That's okay. Because I would also probably rather die than make a life commitment to someone I'm not sure is the one, out of convenience or because "time is running out." I would never bring children into this world with someone unless I was absolutely confident that they would have nothing short of parents who were truly in love. I've seen what loveless or lackluster marriages do to kids. Not good. Marriage might be the last thing in life you want to "settle" on.
But, maybe that's just me. Lots of people I explain this to don't get it. Anyway, that's my two cents ramble. Great article.
Zooming out, I think the 2 biggest bottlenecks for long-term relationships (which ultimately are the core of marriages) can be boiled down to:
1) knowledge (which this substack provides)
2) economics (money is required to upgrade your situationship/initially-passionate fling into something serious)
Unsurprisingly, these 2 parts of the equation are the most suppressed at the moment, 1 with most men being gay now, and 2 due to the fact that the boomer wealth golden age was a unique one-time event that has since passed.
Marriage, especially in the traditional catholic sense, could only thrive in an environment we’re only Men could provide so women didn’t really have a choice but to marry and with restrictive divorce. Now today, it’s toothless, but that’s no reason to doom since although maybe marriage is much more fragile but at least we can actually choose people we like versus people are parents pressured us into or a stupid first love
I'm 29 now and I'm currently in a relationship, we live together.
I also lived together with my ex girlfriend.
Somehow I can't and couldn't stand living with these women, it annoys me. Not sure if I'm the problem or if they both are just not the right fit for me.
I mean they are helpful in day to day life and do almost all the chores and household stuff but living with them day to day seems to numb my romantic feelings towards them.
Yeah I'm really not sure if I'm the problem or if it would be different if they were "the right person" for me
Don’t want to come across as blunt or dickish. But you’ve answered your own question. Very likely, they’re not the right fit for you and there’s nothing wrong with you (idk, maybe you’re nuts but the fact you’re self aware enough to ask this question leads me to think you’re not).
Been with my wife over two decades (I’m oldtroon). We’ve lived together 99% of the time. I couldn’t imagine living with someone I couldn’t stand living with. Good luck.