The Myth of Enthusiastic Sex

Women do not need to be “good in bed”

If a man believes women need to be “good in bed” then he is exposing himself as a radical male feminist. This belief implies women hold equal power and are responsible for the man’s sexual experience. It’s an admission that men are to be used as skin dildos for women to ride for their pleasure, while men just sit there to be drained by them. It’s an incredibly submissive position, revealing lack of sexual prowess and zero understanding of female nature. If a man actually wants the girl he’s having sex with, then he knows that all she needs to do is look hot and lay down.

If I try to empathize with someone who believes women need to be “good in bed” — I imagine them thinking of a woman screaming, biting, and scratching during sex as being synonymous with sex itself. This is normal given that’s what most men expect or want during sex. However, expecting and wanting are two completely states of being.

With regard to a woman’s pleasure during sex, a man’s state falls into three categories: indifference, expecting, and wanting. In this post I will explore all three states, and the misunderstanding of pleasure.

Indifference

If a man is indifferent about how a woman feels during sex then it’s pretty straightforward: sex feels better than jerking off, so he would prefer to have sex. He has sex, he cums, then he falls asleep — that’s pretty much the whole story.

During this state of indifference, men just want a body to cum in and to pat themselves on the back for having sex rather than not. Sex is a means to an end. Mutual pleasure is of little to no concern.

This mode of being isn’t just selfish, but it’s also very stupid. Why wouldn’t a man want to see a woman go sexually insane? Few things feel better than seeing a girl experience higher and higher states of pleasure because of you. From the man’s perspective — it isn’t just a real ego flex, it’s extremely erotic. There’s few things more visually and sexually stimulating than seeing a girl’s eyes roll to the back of her head while you’re both completely lost in the moment.

This indifference doesn’t come from selfishness. It boils down to laziness, stemming from a lack of confidence in his sexual abilities due to lack of sexual experience or mastery over his ability to last long.

The harsh reality is if he could make a girl feel extreme heights of pleasure, he would.

Sex without caring about the other person’s pleasure is just premium masturbation.

Expecting

If a man expects a woman to feel pleasure during sex, then he sees her as an object with a function, similar to remote control. If you press the On button, then the TV should turn on. Right? If a man is having sex, then the girl should be digging her nails into his back. Right? No. Not even slightly.

The expectation of enthusiasm isn’t about pleasure, it’s about being entertained.

If she’s too in her head about putting on a show, then the chances of her cumming reduces to zero. The likelihood of actual good sex is dead on arrival. But expectation of enthusiasm isn’t about pleasure, it’s about being entertained. If a man is expecting a girl to be enthusiastic, and she’s worried about putting on a show — neither of them are having sex at all.

Where does this expectation come from? Who told him that this is what sex should be like?

If a man watches porn on a regular basis then this expectation is inevitable because that’s what he see most. He gets the impulse to cum, he turns on porn, then he watches a woman performing sexual enthusiasm for the him through a screen. Porn is the cause of sexual expectations.

As I wrote in Porn Addiction is Addiction to Depression, when a man is watching porn, he is a cuckold. He’s watching another man have sex. He eventually becomes accustomed to witnessing sex as a third-party observer. Whether he’s watching porn or having sex, he’s expecting a specific output from his source of sexual entertainment. If a man watches porn frequently, then the difference in his experience between having sex and watching porn becomes very blurry.

There’s a vast amount of reasons why a man can develop a porn addiction, but it’s often due to a man’s lack of sexual prowess. He might have had one bad sexual experience (came too early, couldn’t get it up, or the girl just wasn’t into it) that shattered his confidence, so he gave up and just relied on porn for pleasure.

Regardless, if a man is good at sex, or at least prefers the real thing, then there’s a very slim chance that he’s going to seek porn for pleasure. He’s going to seek sex because he’s experienced the heights of what sex could be, and he understands that watching porn is literally nothing in comparison.

Wanting

If a man wants a girl to feel pleasure during sex, then he sees himself as an autonomous man with free will who plays an active role in creating and receiving pleasure itself. He understands that to make her cum, or at least feel extreme heights of pleasure, then he has to do something to her.

And she expects him to do something — sexual expectations are for women.

Wanting is the highest state for a man to be in during sex, because at the minimum, there’s at least a connection between him and the girl he’s having sex with. It might not be emotional. He might not be in love with her. But if he’s attracted to her, then he would prefer for her to feel pleasure rather than not. If he understands women at all, then he knows that fucking her well will make her want to fuck him again. If he cares about her, then he wants her to feel just as much pleasure, if not more, than he feels.

Real sex comes from wanting. This is the minimum requirement for good sex , let alone great, mind-blowing, or life-changing sex. The kind of sex that creates actual enthusiasm.

What is Sexual Enthusiasm?

I find it interesting when men say girls “should be” enthusiastic in bed, because it puts all of the autonomy onto the girl. As I wrote about in The Rise of Alpha Male Feminists, this is a radically feminist position to hold because the woman holds all of the willpower. It’s on her to get herself together and put on a show for him. The man in this expectation is a submissive woman, laying himself bare to a woman’s will.

The frustration with “lack of enthusiasm” implies girls could be enthusiastic, but they choose not to, because they’re meanies! If only they would just “be” enthusiastic! This is a completely backwards understanding of female nature and the man’s role in the bedroom.

What I don’t understand is, what’s the thrill in knowing a girl is faking it? Isn’t that insulting? Wouldn’t you prefer the real thing?

If a woman truly wants a man, she will eventually say the words “do whatever you want to me.” This is the final act of submission a woman can possibly express. It means, quite literally, that she is placing herself in his hands, because she trusts him and wants him to experience the heights of his own pleasure through her body, with her. She is placing herself in a completely vulnerable position by allowing him to be in complete control. He could kill her if he wanted to, but she know that he won’t. This is a symbiotic and sacred dynamic. It’s completely out of the question if he holds sexual expectations.

Some men are naturally dominant and are going to take control in the bedroom regardless. Some women are dominant as well, see The High T Woman. She might want to get on top first and have her way. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But even the most aggressive woman is going to cum even harder if he make her cum because she has returned to her most feminine state. This is simply the natural order.