Duty-Free Sex

How to avoid begging for sex coupons

The topic of “duty sex” was raised by a guy who puts ‘Christian. Husband. Father.’ in his bio. Of course it was.

His take was later countered by the female perspective:

The entire debate is cringe at first glance, but it’s quite lindy. The topic of sexual obligations in marriage spans millenia.

In Ancient Rome there was a cultural norm called munera matriomonni, or “duties of marriage,” which included fidelity, procreation, and material & emotional support. Breaking any of them were legal terms for divorce. In Islam, Sharia Law grants husbands sexual access to their wives, but with conditions like not being sick or during fasting. Christianity in Medieval Europe had the concept of “marital debt”, coming from interpretations of St. Paul.

1 Corintheans 7:4-5:

“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

These are all saying the same thing: “You two made a commitment not to fuck anyone else, so it’s only right that you fuck each other. Otherwise the commitment isn’t reasonable.”

All things considered, these obligations are good for the sake of keeping families together, but we shouldn’t romanticize it’s effectiveness. If the institution of marriage was foolproof then the divorce rate wouldn’t be north of 60%. We also shouldn’t assume that cheating didn’t happen then. Not only are we unable to know the rate of cheating, but you’d only be able to track those who got caught.

Regardless, we no longer live in those times. Religion lost its cultural power a long time ago. If someone thinks their marriage can’t be repaired, then they have the freedom to leave it. If someone isn’t feeling sexually desired, a dead bedroom or cheating is inevitable.

So is the ‘Christian. Husband. Father.’ guy right? Should we bring back these obligations for the sake of keeping families together and men sexually satisfied? Or is the female perspective correct? Should a woman be forced to open her legs for a man she’s repulsed by? And what if the man isn’t in the mood? Should he have to pretend like he’s having a good time when he isn’t?

In this post I’ll steelman both perspectives and explain why it doesn’t need to be an issue in the first place.