• Bush or no bush?

• How do I attract a Slavic girl?

• How do I stop attracting women who aren’t over their ex?

• My girlfriend does nude modeling. Should I be nervous?

• What is the proper Hinge etiquette for women?

• Where should an attractive 37-year old attractive woman meet men?

• How do you manage women in the workplace?

• I’m 30 and don’t have my life together. Should I start dating?

• How do I find a purpose in life?

• Is it worth getting skinny enough to have thin arms but end up losing the curves of my butt and thighs?

• How do I stop my mind from being dulled by slop?

• What are the aspects of American culture you appreciate most vs. European culture?

• What do you think about Spanish cuisine?

• Do you read any monthly/quarterly print publications?

• What is your favorite Tim Dillon rant?

• What kind of coffee do you prefer?

• When and how did you lose your virginity?

• How should I handle my fiancé who wants to be content with making less money?

• Why do you not believe in waiting until marriage if it produces generally better long-term results?

Paid subscribers can ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.

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Bush or no bush?

Med: No bush. Never bush. Not a fan of the landing strip either, it’s goofy. A little stubble after a few days is fine, I’m a reasonable man — but body hair is manly.

If it were up to me, all women would have mandatory laser hair removal everywhere below the eyelashes. Nothing worse than a beautiful pussy covered in hair. It’s is like putting an afro on top of the Mona Lisa. What are you doing?

How do I attract a Slavic girl?

Med: I’m going to show you a few posts about Slavic women that could help with this.

My girlfriend does nude modeling. Should I be nervous?

Subscriber: Hey Med. My current girlfriend has been doing nude modeling for a figure drawing class for the last 2 years. We’ve been together for about 9 months and she did it once since we have been together. We talked about it before and she basically said that im the one fucking her and there is no one else who gets access to her the way that i do. The problem for me is shes very physically gifted (hot) and i know there is AT LEAST one guy in the class that gets aroused seeing her with no clothing. She’s now modeling for another class next week and I’m starting to feel some anxiety about it again. Have you dealt with anything like this? I know women get sexualized just by walking down the street but willingly standing naked in front of 15+ people (mainly the men im concerned about) just provides even more entertainment for them.

Med: I haven’t been in this exact situation but I dated a girl who dressed a little too revealing for my liking. I told her I didn’t like it and she stopped.

The fact that she was doing this before started dating indicates that she isn’t shit testing you, it might be something she enjoys doing. From her perspective, she probably likes having her body being treated like a work of art. I would try to replicate what she’s experiencing. If you don’t draw, tell her you want to take nude pictures of her. Get a nice camera, make it about more than just having nudes on your iPhone. That could be a good replacement for what she’s feeling as she’s being drawn. If she likes that but still insists on going, then it’s time to have a conversation.

That being said, she isn’t single anymore. Part of being in a relationship is sacrificing things you did when you were single to be considerate to the person you’re dating. If this a dealbreaker for you, then you need to tell her that. However, how you say it matters more than what you say. It’s important that you don’t sound insecure or controlling while having the conversation. Simply tell her that it doesn’t work for you. If she says it’s a dealbreaker for her to do nude modeling, then unfortunately the relationship isn’t going to work and you should tell her it’s over.

If you trust her enough and think there’s nothing funny going on and you can live with it, then trust your gut. But be honest with yourself. If it’s always going to bother you, this is going to cause problems in the future.

The way I see it is if I’m dating a girl, she’s mine, which means her body is mine. Only I’m allowed to see her naked. Personally I wouldn’t allow it.

How do I stop attracting women who aren’t over their ex?

Subscriber: How do I stop getting with girls that aren’t over their ex. It seems to be a big phenomenon with every girl I get with I don’t know if I just have a “rebound guy” look or whatever but it’s a big problem in my dating life. 20(M)

Med: I wouldn’t think too much about it. They could just be yapping or complaining about their ex, which is normal. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were alphawidowed.

I wouldn’t let the topic linger for too long though. You don’t want to end up in the friendzone. Let her bitch about him, listen to her, then lightly dunk on him to separate yourself from him. This make it clear you aren’t him and communicates that you’re interested in her romantically/sexually without saying it explicitly. You can always say that too.

If you’re often the rebound guy, that means they don’t see long-term potential with you but see sex in the short-term. There’s worse positions to be in. If you’d rather be seen as boyfriend/husband material then ask yourself if giving off vibes that say you’re only there for a fun time and not a long time. There’s a balance to strike between both.

What is proper Hinge etiquette for women?

Subscriber: Hey, loved your essay today. I have a companion question for your AMA. What is the etiquette with accepting likes?

Hinge put me back in rotation this week so I’m getting likes again. But I’m running into the same scenario everyone is always complaining about, you match and then there’s no conversation. At all.

A guy sends a like. I accept. Now we can chat. Hinge says it’s “my turn.” But is it? I feel like once I accept a like that’s an invitation for him to talk to me. Like I did my part, but are they expecting me to start the conversation? Some start the conversation of course, but a lot don’t. But then they don’t unmatch either. I wouldn’t be wondering if they just unmatched.

And if their initial “like” is a comment, then am I *really* expected to start the conversation once we match?

Med: A lot of guys don’t know how to start the conversation and are indeed hoping you will start it, but that doesn’t mean you should. The man should always initiate the conversation. You should only initiate if you’re really interested in him. That being said, if his like was a comment, then he technically started the conversation and you should respond. You don’t need to change the subject or talk about something new, but you should respond to his comment at least.

I know it’s against your nature to initiate, but that’s sometimes how the back-and-forth works on the apps. You have nothing to lose either way.

Attractive, never married, childless 37-year-old woman (girl?) here. Very social, loves to have fun, civic-minded and involved in the community. Catholic but not too weird about it. Hyperfeminine in presentation/appearance. Where should I meet men? PS I love your work.

Med: I’m not an expert on where to meet men but I can tell you my philosophy on meeting people in general. There isn’t a specific place or app where you’re more likely to meet an interesting person. People are everywhere. Some of those people are boring as sin and some of those people are fascinating. Go to places you genuinely like. If you happen to meet someone there, great. If not, at least you still had a good time.

How do you manage women in the workplace?

Subscriber: Med, you’ve mentioned before your leadership experience in the workplace and that leading men is different than woman. How do you recommend to lead and manage women in the workplace?

I work in Marketing and it’s skews female. Teams of girls I’ve managed can be petty, can gossip, can get offended easily. They can team up on you because you’re the guy, because you are competent and get shit done.

Med: Managing women at work requires a completely different skill set than managing men. The idea that men and women should be treated the same at work is moronic. Accepting that women have certain tendencies like gossiping and teaming up on guys makes it easier to manage them. It’s in their nature. You can’t do anything about it. You also need to have a lighter touch when critiquing their work or guiding them, whereas with men you can be a little more direct.

The most frustrating part about working in an office is how easily offended women can be. Businesses are competitive both internally and externally by nature. Everyone is competing against each other to outshine everyone else. If the office were all men, the environment would feel more competitive by way of shit talking and bragging. Work would be more fun and higher octane. Co-ed working environments make that impossible. Men have to basically castrate themselves in order to not ruffle the feathers of the women in the office.

If you’re having a weekly meeting with a woman and she starts bitching about another girl on the team or drops some gossip, hear her out for a few minutes then get the conversation back on track. You shouldn’t shut her down immediately as you won’t be seen as approachable, but you shouldn’t let it go on for too long. You’re both there to work at the end of the day.

If the women you’re managing are ganging up on you it’s because they want to fuck you. Laugh it off then use all of your willpower to not have sex with them.

I’m 30 and don’t have my life together. Should I start dating?

Subscriber: Med, long time first time and all that. I’m staring down the barrel of turning 30 and have realized I need to get back on the dating scene if I want a chance at marriage and a family. I have only had one girlfriend and we broke up over three years ago. I spiraled into a depressive/isolating episode that lasted another three years. Not proud of it but didn’t really know how to handle those feelings and the typical therapy/SSRI Gen Z prescription didn’t help.

I recently realized I need to take ownership of my life in order to make the future I want. I’ve been back in the gym losing weight and am working on getting my shit back together.

So, should I start dating now when I’m not in my best shape, don’t have my own place, and am not in the best place financially, or do I take the next year to get all of that figured out and then put myself back in the game?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. I miss the Medcast it was dope.

Med: Women will date a guy with a few extra pounds if other boxes are checked. The shape you’re in matters less than how you feel about yourself. If you don’t feel like you have your shit together then that’s going to come off like a bad stench when you’re dating. That being said, you don’t want to wait until you have everything lined up perfectly before you start talking to women again. It isn’t all-or-nothing.

I would start talking to women now, accept that you’re going to be a bit rusty for a little while and take some L’s. Your confidence will grow as you rack up small W’s while getting your life in order.

How do I find a purpose in life?

“Finding a purpose” is a binary concept that I don’t love. The assumption is you either “found” your purpose or you didn’t. “I found my purpose. I have purpose now.”

How can you Know you found your purpose? What if it’s something you like doing at this stage in your life? What if it’s something you’re doing to avoid doing something harder but more significant? Some people lose their minds, move to the countryside, tell themselves their purpose is to be a farmer, then move back home and realize they were running away from their problems.

In my experience, you feel like you have a purpose when you’re doing something you really like doing and are making progress towards getting better at it. When you’re in this state, you feel as if you’re aligned with the universe. Some people figure this out early and do it for the rest of their lives. But that’s rare.

I think “finding a purpose” means figuring out what that thing is while being open to adapt to the volatility of life.

Is it worth getting skinny enough to have thin arms but end up losing the curves of my butt and thighs?

Yes. And you won’t necessarily lose your curves. That has more to do with how your body is shaped than fat distribution. Regardless, this concern can be mitigated by doing pilates or light strength training at the gym. All women with thin arms are attractive. It’s worth it.

How do I stop my mind from being dulled by slop?

Subscriber: If you won’t mind answering, I have a question I wanted to ask you. I’ve observed that my quality of thought has reduced significantly over the years and it’s upsetting to me. I am also so exposed to slop it’s been harder to read quality stuff. How do you maintain pristineness of your thought?

Med: This is understandable and happens to a lot of people. I also feel less sharp when I’m exposed to too much slop. Whenever I start feeling that way I take a break from whatever is providing the slop. I’m no longer on X - The Slop Factory, but I used to take regular breaks there. Sometimes I’d step away for a weekend, sometimes for months at a time.

Just like how the people you spend the most time with shapes your personality, that also applies to social media. If you spend time on apps that make you feel dumb while you use them, your mind is going to deteriorate. I prefer Substack over Twitter for this reason.

Going to a museum always wakes up my mind. Reading too, of course, but being in the presence of art actives something in me that words do not. Talking to people who know me well and are willing to challenge me in good faith when they disagree with my perspective also has this effect.

What are the aspects of American culture you appreciate most vs. European culture?

Subscriber: What are the aspects of American culture you appreciate most and which ones from Mediterranean/Germanic culture?

Med: That’s a great question. I think about this often because I’ve spent a lot of time in countries with an actual culture. When I say “an actual culture”, I mean everyone eats the same food, there’s songs that everyone knows the dances to, there’s widespread agreement on gender roles, etc. This real culture takes shape from being ethnically homogenous and having a shared history.

American culture isn’t easy to define due to deep political divides and unchecked immigration over the last few decades. Immigrants bring the culture of their homeland with them and Americans no longer expect them to assimilate. If someone told me 20 years ago that the 2026 Super Bowl halftime show would be performed in Spanish, I wouldn’t have believed you.

America does have some shared values that I love. During COVID we learned that personal freedom is baked into the DNA of many Americans. Being told what to do just doesn’t work for about half the population. Americans have a natural resistance to authority. This is partially why America is such an influential and entrepreneurial country. Having the freedom to think and pursue your interests is what sparks creativity and innovation.

I also strongly value the 2nd Amendment. I believe Stand Your Ground laws should be implemented at the federal level. The idea that self-defense is a God-given right should be cherished.

I like how people are expected to mind their own business here. It’s considered rude to ask people you aren’t close friends with about their personal lives. Despite the left’s attempts to push their weird sexual fixations onto everyone else, they failed. Most Americans just want to be left alone and live their lives.

I also like how Americans value honesty and directness in communication. This is why we have such little respect for Canadians. They’re too polite and overly accommodating to be taken seriously. Americans want to know: “What wouldn’t you do if I asked you? Is there an actual person in there? Where’s your fucking spine?” These feelings also extend to the British who also prioritize politeness out of fear of being rude. Americans want you to get to the point so we can move on with our lives. There’s a ruggedness to this attitude that feels distinctly American.

Perhaps this is top of mind after of my most recent post about Indians — but Americans value being clean. Food is expected to be prepared well. One review about a bad bowel movement from a new restaurant can tank its business overnight. People are expected to shower, wear deodorant, and not smell offensive. Being a slob is looked down upon. Indoor plumbing is a given. Cleanliness isn’t a uniquely American value, but I appreciate that we have it.

When it comes to Mediterranean/Germanic culture, I will separate what I like about each.

I’ve worked with a lot of Northern Europeans, particularly Germans, and I appreciate how much they value being on time. Mediterraneans are known for being late, but I go out of my way to avoid it because I’d be deleting someone’s precious time. I also appreciate how systematically Germans think. Things needs to be in a certain order and in a certain way. It makes me understand why they’ve excelled so much in science, philosophy, and engineering.

I appreciate how Mediterraneans aren’t neurotic. We don’t worry that much but we don’t necessarily go with the flow either. There’s a sense of confidence that everything is going to be fine. There’s a warmness to this attitude that I appreciate.

I also appreciate how Mediterraneans tend to be naturally stylish and have a sex appeal that doesn’t come as naturally to other races.

Food is also taken very seriously, almost as much as the Japanese.

You posted recently about Spanish olive oil that you really loved, and it made me how familiar you are with Spanish cuisine. I went to San Sebastian for vacation and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that well in my life. Spanish cuisine is probably my favourite cuisine rn.

For reference, here is the olive oil I recommended:

I have to agree. The last time I visited Madrid I thought the same thing. As biased as I am towards Italian food, Spanish cuisine is the best in Europe right now.

I make gambas al aljillo and paella regularly at home. I need to learn how to make their croquetas at some point.

Do you read any monthly/quarterly print publications?

Subscriber: What are some of your favorite quarterly/monthly/weekly print publications to read, and how do you make time in your life for properly reading analog longform? (Obviously stage of life comes into play, as my responsibilities rn are research and classes not a real job and a family/home) Besides the general decline of manners, I think there’s also something to be said for the lost art of reading periodicals “like a gentleman” as opposed to scrolling through the Atlantic or first things on your phone

Med: I have the most amount of free time in the morning. I don’t sleep much and I wake up early, usually between 5-6AM. I check my notifications sooner than I should. After I get through them, I check the Subscribed tab on Substack to see if anyone I like has written anything I might be interested in or finish what I already started reading. I read books before I fall asleep or whenever else I have spare time.

I used to have the Wall Street Journal delivered to my home and I’d read a few articles before I went to work, but I became frustrated with their political biases and ended my subscription. When I was younger I would regularly read GQ and Men’s Health etc., but normal heterosexual men aren’t their target audience anymore. I miss publications like that because they had a pulse on trends, what was going on culturally, and catered to straight men. The internet has fragmented these interests too much. I’m not sure it could be replicated unless the publications were polished and very niche.

What’s your favorite Tim Dillon rant?

Med: That’s a hard one. I like most of his rants but some that come to mind are his impression of Lex Fridman, Long Island weddings, and the rant about the kid who killed himself because ChatGPT told him to. His podcast is excellent. Tim Dillon might be the best standup comedian right now.

Coffee preferences?

Med: I use a moka pot every morning for espresso. I use Illy espresso and usually drink it straight. I think everyone should own a Bialetti. It’s another example of beautiful, supreme Italian engineering. 90% of homes in Italy have one in their kitchen. If I want to make a latte or put in the effort to make 10/10 espresso, I use a Breville Bambino Plus.

When and how did you lose your virginity?

Med: I was 15 and I had sex with a woman. I wrote about the experience in detail here:

My fiance is signaling that he wants to pull back professionally and be content with less income, before we’ve even had kids. It feels like whiplash because this wasn’t who he presented himself to be when we got together. How do I navigate? He knew going in that I want to be a MILFy stay-at-home mom.

Med: That’s really not good. Unfortunately this happens to a lot of men. Some guys find a woman then they start to get too comfortable and lose their edge.

What’s good is he isn’t your husband and you don’t have kids. If this is a dealbreaker for you then you should let him know what your expectations are if you’re going to get married. If he isn’t willing to meet them, then it’s better to end things now rather than waiting until after you have kids.

Why do you not believe in waiting until marriage if it produces generally better long-term results?

The question applies differently to both sexes. Women should wait as long as they can and only sleep with men they could see fathering their children. That doesn’t necessarily mean waiting until marriage, because marriage doesn’t guarantee anything. Men on the other hand do not have an innate purity to protect and become more formidable as they gain life experience.

Women have more to lose from unfulfilling sexual experiences with the opposite sex than men do.

I wrote about this in more detail here:

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Related Posts

• Quirk Chungus couples

• Not blackpilling on marriage

• High-quality bedding

• My favorite scents on women

• Escaping “changing consumer habits”

• My prediction on the dating landscape in 20 years

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Enjoy 🤍

Quick Chungus Couples

Subscriber:

how do you define the categories of sex

you mentioned before there is great sex, life changing sex, or avg sex and couples making 4/10 whoopies

especially the higher forms of sex, i’m interested in knowing how they happen and how do you make it happen

Med:

Here is the Note they’re referring to for reference:

I don’t have a set of categories, but in the above post I’m talking about the difference between obligatory and passionate sex.

The millennial couple who resemble a pair of roommates more than lovers is best described in the below meme:

Quick Chungus couples aren’t particularly attractive, their personalities are either annoying or nonexistent, and they don’t inspire passion in anyone. As a result, they’re having obligatory sex. They’re having sex with each other’s bodies merely to scratch the itch of horniness. They’ve been told that’s what they’re supposed to do every few months. A lot of couples fall into this category.

In terms of how I think about passionate sex, I would read this if you haven’t already.

Not Blackpilling on Marriage

Subscriber:

Hello Med,

I’ve got a question that might be deemed somewhat childish and idiotic, but I have been thinking about it for years, and I trust your intuition so I wanted to ask your opinion on it.

I’ve grown up in a family where my parents have constantly argued about the weight my mother has gained due to a neurological disease she got diagnosed with few years into her marriage. My father was never able to accommodate the fact that my mother was no longer going to be the fit hot woman that he desired. His resentment towards her grew and grew. Now they both hate each other.

This has always made me question marriage. Obviously, the woman’s physical attractiveness is significant to any man. That’s normal. But how significant should it be over the long run? And more importantly what happens when you both grow 20 years older and she is not that hot anymore? Do you give up on sex at that age and just enjoy the fruits of having a family? Do you take a mistress? How should a man approach the decay of his woman’s beauty over time?

Med:

I’m not old enough to say based on experience, but I can say with certainty that when you truly love someone, you become more attracted to them over time and the sex gets better and better the more you trust each other.

I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your parents. I understand why it would make you question marriage. However, that’s a rare case. Women should stay in shape for the sake of the relationship, and most women who truly love their husbands commit to this, but in this case it was out of her hands.

Physical attraction is always important, but I believe true love keeps attraction intact regardless of how you age. I don’t know what your parents relationship is like, but I assume there might have been other issues at play in addition to the weight gain. True love is rare.

High-Quality Bedding

Subscriber:

Hello Med, I really enjoyed reading the 2025 article about cooking and food, in which you mentioned that food and sleep are your top priorities. As such, you’ve recommended some kitchen tools - could you please recommend sleeping tools much in the same vein: bed, mattress, etc.? Thank you

Med:

I’m not an expert on good sleeping habits because I don’t sleep much. 6 hours in a night is rare for me. But I strongly believe in not skimping when it comes to bedding given you spend 1/3 of your life in bed.

I’ve been using these pillows for well over a decade. I’ve only had to replace them a few times. I stuff them 2-3x a year to make sure they don’t cave into themselves over time; that brand sells the material on the side. I like silk pillowcases. For sheets and duvet covers, I really like tencel material. A lot of different brands make high quality tencel. I use a Helix mattress. My bed feels like a cloud.

My Favorite Scents on Women

Subscriber:

Hey Med, if I’m remembering correctly, you’ve listed some colognes you like to wear some time ago. What are some of your favorite scents on a woman? Additionally, are there certain scent profiles (gourmands, aquatics, orientals, florals) that complement any of your categories of female attractiveness?

Med: I wanted to give a proper answer here, so I blind tested twenty different fragrances and ranked them 1-10. She popped my answers into ChatGPT to give a summary of my taste.

This person has a very specific modern niche-fragrance taste profile. Their preferences lean heavily toward:

Skin scents
Warm woody ambers
Airy musks
Soft gourmand sweetness
Minimalist “your skin but better” fragrances

She has a very distinct collection and asked me not to post my #1 favorite. But one of my favorites is Tom Ford’s Tobacco Vanille. I wear it myself but I also think it smells incredible on women.

Escaping Changing Consumer Habits

Subscriber:

Hey Med, a question for the next round of responses:

In your view, which, if any, parts of America are still free of ever-encroaching “changing consumer habits” and their nasty proponents?

Med:

Here is the Note they’re referring to for reference:

I like cities, which are full of America’s Little Rascals, so I’m not an expert in this area. But from what I’ve seen, wealthy all-white neighborhoods who vote overwhelmingly liberal tend to have the least amount of them. Go figure.

My Prediction on the Dating Landscape in 20 Years

Do you think the dating situation would change for young men in their early 20s 20 years from now?

20 years is a long time from now. A lot will change. But based on where things stand today — there will likely be a sharp cultural divide between people who went all-in on letting AI run their lives and those who incorporated into their lives in a balanced way.

The former group will be content with never thinking again, never experiencing physical reality again, and never needing to put effort into anything. They will be content with their UBI paychecks. A lot of Americans are already like this, as perfectly articulated by .

The people in the former category will die out. The people in the latter category will have an extremely easy time dating, and will probably reproduce at a significantly higher rate than most people do today.

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Paid subscribers can ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.

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Enjoy 🤍

First and Second Date Ideas

Subscriber: Hey Med. Extremely basic question but I was wondering what your “go to” first and even second dates are. I’m 22 and have a bit of experience but would love to know if you have any suggestions.

Med: I prefer getting drinks on the first date. I like to pick a place with a good ambiance that isn’t too loud so you can both hear each other. It’s a great way to get to know each other and flirt, assuming you’re a fun drunk. If you’re a depressing drunk or a sloppy drunk, then I don’t recommend getting drinks on the first date.

If the first date goes well then I’ll also do drinks on the second date. If I see it going somewhere long-term then I’ll do dinner, but I typically save that for the third date.

In America, you’re usually sitting across from each other at restaurants and it can feel a bit like like an interview. It’s less intimate.

Demoralized Zoomers Embracing Looksmaxxing

Subscriber: Hey Med, I think a lot of trends that popped off over the last few years (Looksmaxxing, Male Depression Industry content, online self improvement), are all responses from a demoralized generation.

Gen Z guys have a weird new gnostic worldview where they feel suffocated by the modern economic system and culture. The rise of popularity in the content I mentioned, reflects a constant (online) search for more knowledge, as a way to escape the system by bypassing it

I’m 26, I don’t see modern culture or the economic system changing soon. Though my own attitude to this isn’t defeatist, I see many guys who are completely broken down by it. My question is, how do you revitalise young men in this context?

Med: Everyone is a product of their environment to some extent, but not everyone. Some people are naturally more skeptical and move to the beat of their own drum. They’re more likely to think and do things for themselves. I like to think my subscribers fall into this category.

But looking at the bigger picture — a lot of these issues are economic and structural. I listed some of the issues both men and women are facing in the below post.

America will need to do a complete 180 in how the country operates to give young people a path to live a good life instead of embracing nihilism.

That being said, that doesn’t mean people don’t have options. There’s still plenty of ways to carve out a good life for yourself, but it’s much harder now than it needs to be.

The Pros and Cons of Bullying

Subscriber: Can you elaborate on how stopping bullying in schools led to men becoming weak? Are there boundaries of behavior you think should be enforced by schools --- even if you think the anti-bullying movement went too far?

Med: Men have ways of checking each other’s behavior. That’s usually done by making fun of each other or calling each other a faggot or a pussy when they’re being weak. The intention isn’t to damage, but to make us tougher and hold ourselves to higher standards as men.

That being said, bullying is a real thing. Some kids get picked on mercilessly for no reason and don’t necessarily become tougher because of it. In high school, these types of bullies are often directing the rage they have towards their parents on people weaker than them as an outlet because they’re powerless at home.

On one hand, this can inspire the person getting bullied to get stronger and defend themselves. On the other hand, there shouldn’t be no rules in high school. Otherwise, it becomes violent. Bullies need to be checked as well.

Unfortunately our culture is too coddling of everyone’s feelings and has gone overboard to the point where there’s no middle ground to let boys be boys.

Dealing with Ubiquitous Wokeness

Subscriber: What are your views on not cutting your nose off to spite your face? For example say there’s a restaurant you really enjoy but they decide to go on a woke rampage and throw support at several causes you disagree with. Could also be said about musicians, authors, the world at large.

When you find something you like but then they support gay race communism it’s hard to take that thing serious again.

Med: It comes with the territory at this point, so it’s pretty unavoidable. Products are a means to an end. For example, if a cafe makes incredible coffee, but all of the baristas are obese troons, then so be it. I don’t like it, but as long as the coffee is good, then I can let it go. There’s not much you can do about it. The other option is to open up your own cafe, or live like a hermit. Neither seem worth it.

Dealing With Easily-Offended Women

Subscriber: Hey Med, do you think girls have become more scared of men in recent years? From my recent dating experience, it seems like you have to walk on eggshells in the early stages just so you don’t “scare hoes”. I don’t know if it’s their anxiety, SSRIs, pills, or socials that’s driving it.
How do you navigate these waters?

Med: If you can give me an example I can give you a better answer, but in general — it’s good to not scare the hoes. Some women have definitely been programmed to be hypersensitive and look for reasons to be offended, but not all of them.

Regardless, you should hide your “power level” around women, especially in the early stages. After trust is built and they’re very attracted to you, they’re more likely to look the other way or embrace your value system.

Dealing with Psychopaths on Twitter

Subscriber: Hey Med, I think I stumbled upon a phenomenon in Twitter, where I said something objectively funny but I know have a swarm of crazy (women) people coming in and misinterpreting and sick their friends to just call you some of the most vile and creepy stuff. Ultimately, I think it’s a huge waste of time to be on Twitter, which is pushing me to leave, but I don’t wanna give the idiots fuel. But the long-term goal is ultimately to leave so how did you reflect on that because your account was huge and I looked up to you but you stepped away and I’m sure you got tons of shit every day in tandem you probably got a lot of support too.

So my direct question is, how did you deal with the Internet crazies on Twitter and then how did you finally decide to leave because I think I need that help of a push to leave

Med: You sent this question over prior to me publishing The Death of Twitter, but I didn’t mention anything specific that caused me to leave. Honestly, it was a long time coming. Over the last 2 years I became increasingly frustrated with how stupid and hostile the people are there. I was also heavily shadowbanned. Something just clicked one day. “This place is beneath me. I don’t like it here. Why am I doing this?”

With regard to internet crazies, I wrote about this in Internet Psychopaths - Part 1: The Obsessive. But to summarize, I got used to it after a while. Haters are like gnats. Blocking them feels like turning on the windshield wipers. They’re gone for good. When it comes to obsessives, I came to accept that I trigger a certain type of guy in a pretty profound way, and I actually feel bad for them. Most of them just want me to like them. Regardless, never acknowledging their existence is the way to handle them. They usually move on.

Cultural Differences in Relationships

Subscriber: l’ve been seeing this girl for 3 months now, she is drop - dead gorgeous, smart and incredibly funny

I really like her and I enjoy her company a lot, because of this I naturally made her my girlfriend and so far it has been going exceptionally well

The problem is, she comes from a completely different culture and faith to mine, to the point I experience a sense of cultural shock and looming dread on the very long term

We are both still young, working but still in college etc. We have touched on the culture compatibility topic before but have had to redirect it after understanding where it is heading

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, I would feel devastated ending such a fantastic relationship because of an issue I do mostly see as more neurotic than logical, but at the same time I can’t shake of this doubt and fear that I could be leading her on

Med: Cultural and religious differences can definitely cause tension. But if the relationship is fantastic and you two actually love each other, then you’ll navigate those waters as you cross them. I wouldn’t end the relationship preemptively. You will regret it. If it doesn’t work out, at least you know you gave it your best shot. See it through.

Feeling Like You’re Not High Quality

Subscriber: You’ve talked before about men holding more cards than they realize in dating. But practically speaking, does that apply for the top 20, 10, 5, 1 percent man, or does it apply to any reasonably put-together guy? Im certain most of your readers putting in work to have something going on but just factually most guys won’t end to rich/high status/good looking.

I want to take more agency with women and have more self confidence in dating but don’t want to be delusional either

Med: It all comes down to you. I wouldn’t think about dating in terms of how men as a concept are perceived by women. What matters is how you perceive yourself. If you’re honest with yourself and perceive yourself highly, then women will too.

I also wouldn’t think about this “top 20%” thing too much. It’s mostly relative and unmeasurable, therefore it’s make-believe. There are some objective measures, but they’re mostly common sense. As you said, being well put-together goes a long way, as well as not being broke. If there’s things you need to do to get there, then you should do them.

But focusing too much on how you look and less on who you are as a man is going to make you feel hopeless. Prioritizing looks simply isn’t how women operate. They prioritize character above the superficial.

Go to the gym as much as possible. Get big. This will increase your testosterone significantly. This will make you feel better about yourself. I know this is very basic advice — but it works.

I also recommend reading some of the posts I linked below.

Can Straight Men Be Happy Without Women?

Subscriber: Can a heterosexual man be genuinely happy without any sexual and romantic activity in his life? If so, what are the conditions?

Med: No. Any man who claims otherwise is lying to himself.

Developing Taste

Subscriber: How do I develop taste?

Med: Everyone has taste, but not necessarily good taste. I don’t know if good taste can be taught, but I can only speak for myself. I believe Beauty is objective. I have strong instincts for what is and isn’t beautiful. Something is either beautiful or it isn’t.

Don’t be ashamed about wanting and being allured by the most beautiful things. I think a lot of people have bad taste because they don’t feel worthy of possessing Beauty, or allowing Beauty to completely overtake them.

Dismantling People on Twitter

Subscriber: How do I dismantle people with words? (like the way you do it on twitter lol)

Med: I don’t have great instructions when it comes to this. I’m just honest and call things as I see them.

Quitting Weed

Subscriber: Hi Med, what would you say to help someone like me to quit smoking weed daily? I’m 27, never dated before or even been on a date (I’ll admit I’m petrified of Women. Not sure why but the idea of a relationship seems impossible), I’m not fat but I’m also not ripped I have a slight build, I’m somewhat attractive since I’ve gotten compliments before, I’ve been dead broke my whole life but I started a business that is doing better lately, I’m in debt because I spent a lot of money on self-help content ever since COVID (with plans to pay off since I have work in my books), I have good friends who will help me if I need it, and I smoke weed everyday. Not to mention I live with my parents with siblings who enforce very liberal views, with plans to move out in the coming months.

I’m on it 24/7 and I don’t like it. It smells bad, makes me anti-social, less confident, I feel like it suppresses my testosterone since I feel so small in a room full of people. I obviously recognize all of this and how bad the stuff is. But I continue to smoke it because living sober in reality feels even worse given the above situation. I’m working hard to get out of the crappy environment I’m in at home and I need to do the inner work because I don’t handle pressure too well.

Any advice, critiques, or comments is appreciated. Thank you

Med: I also used to smoke weed a lot, so I know how you’re feeling. It definitely has all of the effects you listed. I stopped cold turkey, so that’s what I recommend you do. You will feel strange being sober for a while, and less like yourself — but you will see benefits quickly. You will likely have very vivid dreams for a while because weed suppresses REM sleep. You’ll also start to think clearer and have more energy. This process is bringing you back to homeostatis.

It sounds like you know this is holding you back, so I recommend stopping today.

Unlearning Manosphere Content

Subscriber: Hi Med, What advice would you give to someone trying to get out of the Male Depression Industry? Without divulging too much, I have spent a few years consuming the opinions of people I really shouldn’t have, and I was young and impressionable enough to uncritically take these assumptions on board, to the point where it’s almost unconscious. I am someone who has struggled with self-confidence for a very long time, and I’d very much appreciate any tips you have on how to un-fuck myself.

Big fan of your essays, thanks for all you do.

Med: The fact you’re aware of the effect it’s had on you is 80% of the battle. Most men aren’t able to admit they’ve been brainwashed. So the fact you have the confidence to admit that goes a very long way.

There’s a big unlearning process to come. The more you stay away from it and the more you learn about life and women through your own direct experiences, the more confident you will be. This won’t happen overnight, but I guarantee you it will happen over time. You’re on the right track.

Dating Options While Living in The Middle of Nowhere

Subscriber: Hi Med, I have a specific question but would also appreciate any advice you have on my situation as well.

I’m a 32 year old woman and single again after a 5ish month relationship. I’m not stopping traffic but I’m not bad looking either. I have a professional degree and the white collar job that comes along with it. It’s a good money and it’s pretty lax, but it’s a bit of an albatross. I work basically 100% from home. I live in the middle nowhere because I want to be close to my mom who’s older and because I don’t have a reason to be anywhere else.

Together, WFH and being in the middle of nowhere are basically catastrophic for meeting anyone. My now ex-BF, who I met through an app, lived about an hour away. He lived close to the city that’s closest to me (it’s a third rate city and not worth living there).

I don’t have a lot of family. Just my mom, a brother I’m not close with, and a few relatives in New England.

The most important thing to me is meeting the right guy (I had one long failed relationship in my 20s, I wasn’t out partying). I can go anywhere in the US that I can afford (not NY, DC, Boston, etc. I’d be scrounging for sure), but I have no reason to be anywhere in particular but here.

I have so much to choose from and so little to go on. And no where in the US really excites me. I’d have moved to a big city already if they weren’t all overrun with crime, overpriced, and stinking of weed. A small city that’s pretty safe and skews to my age group would be great. Any suggestions? Also, my politics are very similar to yours so I’d prefer not be in a place that’s totally liberal.

Also, I’ve heard the dating apps are dead now. Is that true?

Med: I would take advantage of the fact that you have the financial means to move to a better location. Dating in low population areas can be rough.

I recommend checking out cities that are more middle-of-the-road politically. They’ll be less likely to be crime-ridden and reeking of weed. It’s not guaranteed, but I would start there. Take a few weekend trips to see what feels best.

Friend is Marrying the Wrong Girl

Subscriber: Hi Med, hope you’re doing well. A question for your next AMA, if any is planned in the future: my friend is marrying his Oneitis of 12+ years. He desperately wants kids, she’s firmly against it and gets emotional when he brings it up. He says if she says no he’ll marry her anyway but fears he’ll end up cheating. I’ve been dropping hints this could breed resentment, but haven’t pushed hard. How far should I go, and what’s the best angle?
Thanks for being a voice of reason in these times.

Med: I don’t recommend straight up telling him he’s marrying the wrong girl because it will cause permanent tension in the friendship. I would approach this by making it about him and asking him questions that he’ll will come to the right answers to. “Are you sure you’ll be okay with never having kids?” and “If I told you I was settling down with a girl I’ll inevitably cheat on, what would you tell me?”

It’s painful to watch, but you need to accept that he very well might make a bad decision. What matters is that you tried your best to help him without hurting your friendship.

Getting Over a Girl From Work

Subscriber: Hey Med-- question for your next AMA (apologies in advance for the length, but have been saving this for a while (and wanting to ask this question was a big motivation for signing up for your Substack, actually)):

I started a job a few years ago where I had instant chemistry with a girl roughly my age, who was the only decent looking chick in the whole office. Everyone else at the company was also significantly older than us and they’d constantly tease me about her, and would often note she was flirting with me. Maybe they slightly exaggerated at first, but as time went on, it became clear there was a palpable mutual tension when we’d talk, but I mentally brushed all of this off because I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend.

A year or so into the job, on a work trip, she barged into my room at 2 am after we had a night out to complain about the company culture (and other bullshit), basically crying on my shoulder. I didn’t make a move (I also don’t believe in cheating and was motivated by those principles), but after that, I began to see her slightly differently, especially as my relationship with my gf began gradually unravelling (for other reasons entirely). She ended up breaking up with her bf before I broke up with my gf and we generally had bad timing, but she’d still text me a lot, be flirty, etc.

When we were finally both single, I became self consciously interested in her and I made a move on her at the end of a long night, where I drank too much, and she rebuffed me in a pretty embarrassing way (I leaned in to kiss her and she jerked back aggressively). It was terribly awkward the next day but she was nice enough and we agreed to act like nothing happened, but she definitely made it clear she wasn’t interested in me. Two weeks after this rejection, she invited me to accompany her on a work trip across the country, just the two of us. I was confused but agreed to go. We ended up having an incredibly romantic dinner, holding hands briefly, going on a bar crawl, etc. I invited her to my room and she came up but left pretty quickly after (she also mentioned that night she was in a “situationship” with a new guy at the moment). After that, I basically concluded, I should mentally get over her. She’s now actually in a relationship (again, different guy) and acts noticeably different to me (she used to send me random stuff on instagram, walk into my office to chat every day, etc). Her change in behavior stemming from now entering a serious relationship, leads me to believe she was either self consciously leading me on for fun, or I just got really unlucky with timing.

This isn’t a very pointed question, but I guess I’m struggling to mentally compartmentalize this kind of behavior from a woman. Is there anything I could’ve done differently? If we find ourselves both single again, is there a different approach to employ when engaging her? Thanks in advance for your insight.

Med: I hate to say it but I think she may have seen you more as a friend given she rejected you when you tried to kiss her but still invited you to go on a work trip across the country. Either that or she’s the type of girl to juggle multiple guys at once without sleeping with them. Basically a cock tease.

In terms of what you could have done differently, it’s hard to say given I don’t know exactly what happened that night or the context of where you two were. If you drank too much, then that’s probably why. Next time just be mindful of how much you’re drinking so you don’t come off too sloppy. Don’t be too hard on yourself though. It happens to the best of us.

If she is single again, I wouldn’t approach her. I would see if she comes to you. If she does, then don’t make yourself too available. Build tension to make her want you more, then tell her you want to take her out on a date. I would be bold about it so she knows that you know what you want.

But I wouldn’t linger on that possibility for too long. I would try your best to move on. You’ll definitely think about her less if you go on more dates.

Should I Drop Out of College Because of AGI?

Subscriber: Med, I turn 20 years old this month. As the date draws closer, my soul grow heavier. I don’t fear age or death, only mediocrity and the permanent underclass. My only desires are saving America, learning, and adventure. Thus, I am grappling with a newfound decision to drop out in May to pursue a meaningful job opportunity. I am mission-oriented by nature, and the idea of 2 more years of classes taught by begrudged cat ladies makes me gag. I know the degree has value, but it feels like a waste of precious time right now, especially as AGI looms on the horizon.

Am I getting oneshotted by the online SF nerds? Do you have any advice to myself and other young men experiencing similar emotions? Do you forsee any hidden pitfalls that I’m currently failing to calculate into my decision?

Thanks and God Bless

Med: It’s normal to feel this way at your age, but you should spend your 20’s making and saving as much money as possible and building up your status in whichever field you decide to go in.

I strongly recommend not dropping out of school because you will have less options in the future. I’m sure your teachers are annoying as fuck, but try not to focus on that. Your classes are a means to an end.

Having your bachelors degree is still important. You’re halfway there. See it through and then reassess your options. Dropping out of school will only limit those options.

I wouldn’t worry about AGI. If neuroscientists don’t know what human consciousness is, then dorks in San Francisco don’t know what digital consciousness is. That doesn’t mean jobs won’t be replaced, but everything isn’t coming to an end.

Yes, it’s possible you’re being one-shotted by SF nerds.

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Related Posts

• Analyzing too much during dates

• Afraid to use dating apps

• FOMO in relationships

• Dating as a single parent

• Bringing a new girl around your explicitly racist friends

• Women with tattoos

• Fear of death

• Fear of making eye contact & starting conversations

• Looksmaxxing

• When to set up a date on dating apps

• Girlfriend has a crazy family

• Girlfriend watches hardcore porn

• Favorite cocktails

• How to stop arguing with women

• Girlfriend is neurotic

• Growing your account when you’re not anonymous

• Girlfriend wants to track location

• Foreplay

• Comments/Not Questions

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Analyzing Too Much During Dates

Subscriber: I have a consistent experience dating women where they complain that they feel like I’m evaluating them. Isn’t that what dating is? I’ve asked for clarification but no one is able to explain it other than “it just feels off”. I’m open to improving if I understood the issue. Do you have any idea what’s going on here?

Med: I would assume you’re coming off judgmental and are probably too cerebral while you’re on dates. If this feedback is consistent then you’re probably analyzing them and not actually getting to know them. The latter requires you to be more open-minded and in the moment.

It’s fine to just have fun on a first date and not assess whether or not they’re marriage material. That takes time. Dates are for seeing if you have natural chemistry. Just have fun.

Afraid to Use Dating Apps

Subscriber: Hi Med, love your page I could read it for hours. You spoke on how men & women should be on the apps but as a woman I find it so degrading for some reason. The concept of the apps makes me feel like a hooker on backpage. Any advice on how to get over this? Bc it’s also been about 2 years since I’ve been on a proper date. My issue is I’ve never dated a guy that I wasn’t attracted to and for the past 2 years I’ve only met a couple guys who I’m physically attracted to but the other qualities I’m looking for just aren’t there so I don’t pursue it. I’m not into casual sex. I know i should “get out my comfort zone” but again entertaining a guy i don’t see a future with affects my self esteem. My time is more valuable than that. A part of me feels like I shouldnt be so stuck up but at the same time I have to put myself first - not in a feminist way but in a feminine way if that makes sense … thank you for your time & thoughts 🤍 P.S. miss you on X!!!

Med: You’re making a lot of assumptions about dating apps without much experience to back them up yet. Notice how you see the apps as a concept. You already don’t see a future with guys you haven’t met yet. Everyone is different, and most people are using the apps. Give a few guys a shot.

You’re also not obligated to have sex with someone you met on a dating app by the way. Having the ability to say no even when you want to will help you filter out guys who are solely using it for sex. If they’re actually interested in you, they’ll want to see you again regardless.

I assume you’re scared to put yourself out there. That’s normal. You’ll be okay either way.

FOMO While In Relationships

Subscriber: When committing to someone, how does one truly deal with the FOMO of potential experiences with others?

Med: Men are more likely to experience FOMO in relationships than women. If a man doesn’t have much experience with women, he’ll be more likely to experience FOMO because he will romanticize what he’s missing out on. If he has experience and self-awareness, he’ll know that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If a woman is experiencing FOMO while in a relationship, she’s already checked out.

Dating as a Single Parent

Subscriber: Hi Med. I’m looking for advice as a single mom on where to meet and how to attract a quality man in my situation. At some point I want to find someone my kids can look up to and provide a relationship example for them. I don’t have a ton of free time since I already have children.

Med: A man who is also in your situation is more likely to meet that criteria. A single father will at least have some experience with raising children. That doesn’t mean he’s necessarily going to be a role model, but the chances are higher vs. a man who doesn’t have any experience raising children.

In terms of where to meet him, I don’t have any recommendations for a specific place. People are people. You could meet people who seem great at one place but turn out to be terrible, and vice versa.

Dating apps come in handy here given you don’t have much free time and you can filter for men who already have kids. I would start there.

Bringing a New Girl Around Your Explicitly Racist Friends

Subscriber: Hi Medgold, this is probably funny but I have a question about introducing a girl to my racist friends. It sounds silly but its become a mental block for me to date more seriously.

I have a great group of friends who have supported me for many years. You will probably call me a faggot (and fair enough) but I’ve toned down my casual use of slurs over the years, mostly due to the potential consequences if the wrong person overheard me. However my friends havent. I would want to bring a girl around to occasional group get togethers, but im not sure how even good women would respond if they break into explicitly racist conversations with slurs and all. Im a bit racist but not to the extent some of them are.

Many of them have managed to get lucky enough to find good girls who are OK with this, mostly from college, but I am single. Im 30.

Im concerned that my serious dating pool is limited to the presumably small % of women who would be OK with this. I wouldnt date a truly liberal woman, but I imagine theres a spectrum between “not a raging leftist” and “OK with regular N bombs and explicit racism.” My main concern is that a girl im seriously dating would either break up with me after finding out my friends beliefs, or more seriously could even try to get me/us cancelled if she was really offended.

Do you have any advice for navigating this situation? Should I ask my friends to tone it down around a girl id bring around (which may or may not happen)? Am I being a faggot and should not worry about it? Id consider just not bringing a girl around those friends but being part of my life it would happen eventually. How do you even feel out if a girl would be chill? I havent dated in a while but this is a genuine mental block for me, and I fear im starting to resent my friends.

Med: First off, you’re smart for toning down your use of slurs IRL. People who can’t code switch depending on the context are liabilities who lack basic social skills.

It’s fine to ask your friends to tone it down around her, but that doesn’t mean they will. If they’re unhinged, you’re taking a risk. This doesn’t make them bad friends, but it does mean they’re retarded. Sometimes our friends are retarded.

Girls don’t like the N word. It comes off very crass. Most girls aren’t a fan of explicit racism in general. There’s exceptions, but there’s really no getting around this. Comes with the territory.

That being said — if a girl breaks up with you because of what your friends think, she’s trash. If she tries to get your friends cancelled for what they believe, she’s crazy. I wouldn’t worry about that given it sounds like you can already sniff these girls out and avoid them.

Most girls will adopt your way of thinking over time if you remain firm and don’t try to control what they think. This requires finesse.

You can think whatever you want. It’s how you express those beliefs and what you do with them that matters. There’s nothing wrong with keeping some things close to the chest and living your life accordingly.

Women with Tattoos

Subscriber: Hi Med! I don’t think you ever mentioned tattoos in a woman, from even the smallest to big ones. I know women are sentimental and love those little ‘’memory savings’‘ or something like that when they can immortalize something. However for me even a single small tattoo gives me... i guess the ‘’woman ick’‘? especially if the woman is young and pretty. With bigger ones I’m curious about your opinion bceause it’s a mixed bag for me - sometimes nice and structurized tattos can look good and when you talk to the woman she’s... just completely nice and womanly? The other times in my experience is all obese whales with like 60% tatto instead of skin. So to summarize - what is your take on tattos? and why attractive and clearly feminine women choose to tattoo themselves?

Med: It doesn’t matter to me that much. Some tattoos are well-done and some look trashy. I don’t like trashy tattoos. Ideally they don’t have any, but we don’t live in an ideal world. I’ve known great girls with tattoos and I’ve known terrible girls without tattoos. It’s superficial criteria to judge someone on.

Fear of Death

Subscriber: Hi Med. I remember from your posts (or was it podcast?) when you talked about your relationship with death. You said you were comfortable with it, and you also mentioned it has to do with your experience with people and their deaths.

I think death itself it’s not terrifying. Like never waking up again or whatever. But what is really daunting are the things associated with it, and the things we’d have to face and experience. Like cancer or disease you have no control over, you’d face declining health and pain. Or seeing a love one get hurt, or the idea of never seeing them again, that thought itself causes pain.

It kind of can be distilled down to around not being afraid of the unknown possibilities (which has lots of connections to other aspects of life).

Are you like just willing to accept and face whatever comes in your way, or something a bit different? And what influenced you to feel that way?

Med: This is an important question.

I’ve lost a good amount of people in my life who I loved deeply, mostly family members. I find open caskets to be disturbing. One time at a funeral I called someone I trusted and asked them if it’s weird that I don’t want to get on my knees and pray in front of them. “That isn’t them. That’s a corpse pumped with embalmment fluid and a lot of makeup. This is weird.” They said “That isn’t what’s important. What’s important is the memories you have of them. And that you don’t lose them.”

I was close enough with this person to where it was appropriate for me to give a speech at the wake. This was very hard for me to do without crying. I got up there and told them two great memories I had of them. The second memory was funny. It made everyone laugh and remember something nice about who they really were. I’m very happy I did this. I have a picture of them in my home that can be easily seen. I think about them a lot.

Grief made me become a glass half-full person. I try to appreciate the good things about the people I love and create as many good memories with them as possible. That’s the most you can do.

Fear of Making Eye Contact & Initiating Conversations

Subscriber: In your recent post(medgold.co/p/generational-collapse-why-life-stages), you mentioned that hardly anyone is interesting anymore, and the only way to find out whether someone is interesting is by getting to know them.

I was reminded of this at the gym. From what I see outside, people mostly mind their own business nowadays. Words are rarely exchanged. Eye contact is also rare.

Outside of a natural interaction like asking someone for a spot or if this bench is taken or whatever, how do you force an interaction smoothly? I mean the kind of interaction that actually leads to getting to know someone. Like do you just look someone in their eyes, their face, then smile and say hi? I don’t know if you (or anyone) can relate, but, I have a natural aversion towards looking at anyone directly, or being looked at directly, which I’ve noticed about myself.

In (medgold.co/p/the-dark-path-to-increasing-the-birth-rate), you talk about walking up to hot women and talking to them. But like, what substance is there, what did I initiate the convo for? Am I just complimenting her so she knows I’m hitting on her? I’m 19 and still inexperienced w/ people so some of this sounds ambiguous to me. Grew up a bit too online, am fairly good looking around my area and age, but sometimes I genuinely don’t know how to act irl.

So basically two questions: (1) Suggestions on looking at people problem, and getting looked at; I think staring or looking at someone without saying anything is usually very awkward for both parties. How would you carry yourself in these situations? (2) Can you recommend a framework for initiating convos [an excuse to talk to ppl? something you generally ask ppl? an action like eye contact and smile?

Med: Fear of eye contact is a confidence issue. The less you care about what people think of you, and are living a life where you’re able to sleep at night, the easier you’re able to look them in the eye. It has a lot to do with being comfortable in your own skin.

Looking yourself in the eyes in the mirror is a good place to start. It might feel dumb but it will make you less afraid.

Starting conversations with people depends on the context and the situation. For example, if you’re both waiting on line somewhere and it’s taking a while, you can break the ice by saying something about it. What’s most important is that you broke the ice. It doesn’t need to be anything that deep or thought out. Ideally it’s funny and lighthearted.

Sometimes they’ll respond with something back. Now you’re in banter territory. Sometimes they won’t. They might just not be in the mood to talk to anyone. It’s nothing personal.

Looksmaxxing

Subscriber: Do you recommend any cosmetic enhancements for men beyond basic skin care and living a mostly healthy lifestyle? Things like hair transplants if youre norwooding, botox/skin treatments, GLPs? On one hand these can improve appearance, and have done so for women (megyn kelly and lana del rey for example cleary go beyond basic skin creams). On the other hand, being too concerned with looks is more of a female trait. What do you think?

Subscriber 2: Similar: I am 25, and I slowly recognize genetic hair loss. If similar to my fater, it will develop into severe boldness over the coming decade, and I am not sure how to deal with it. Blasting my body with medication which alters hormones seems fucked up, but a hair transplantation will not be to fix it long term. Or am I just a pussy?

Med: It’s fine to want to look good. You should do whatever you can to look better — within reason. You don’t want to go overboard by nuking your hormones and/or looking ridiculous. You don’t want to obsess over how you look either. Men need to worry about this less than women, as I talked about in Stop Looksmaxxing.

When To Set Up a Date on Dating Apps

Subscriber: I’m great at getting girl’s numbers either on apps or irl but usually get ghosted before I can set up a date. Any advice on how long to wait before pushing for a date, common texting mistakes, how to generally keep interest going etc...

Med: There isn’t a science to it but you don’t want to wait too long to pull the trigger. I’ve found that some initial banter, flirting, then setting up a date is what works best. I would do try to get this done within 24 hours of starting the conversation.

Girlfriend With Crazy Family

Subscriber: Hi Med, How much do you think a girl’s family should matter when choosing her as a long-term partner? At what point does it become enough of an impediment to break up with her?

I’ve been in a new relationship for a few months now and everything with her is going fantastic, she’s quite lovely. She’s beautiful, smart, outgoing, quite talented, meshes with my friends and family very well, and laughs at my racist jokes. She’s also very feminine and we have incredible chemistry at a 1-on-1 level. Definitely the most “for-me” girl I’ve dated yet.

My only concern in pursuing a long-term commitment would be that there are certain family dynamics on her side that seem very foreign and odd to me compared to how I grew up. She’s white, so it’s not a cultural thing, but there’s things on that side that I know I would not want my children to be exposed or acclimated to when they’re young.

Any thoughts on how to approach this? Thanks as always Med.

Med: If she acknowledges that these dynamics aren’t normal, that’s a good sign. If the sweeps them under the rug or rationalizes them, that’s a bad sign.

If she knows these dynamics aren’t good to raise children around, it’s worth having a conversation with her about it to make sure you’re on the same page. If she thinks it’s fine, I’d try to make her see that it isn’t. This requires a light touch — family is a sensitive topic.

Keep in mind — you’re not just marrying her. You’re marrying her family.

Everyone’s family is a bit crazy. It’s a matter of how much crazy you’re willing to tolerate and how you’re going to manage their craziness when it comes up.

Girlfriend Watches Hardcore Porn

Subscriber: Together for 8 months, have sex a lot and took her virginity but LDR when on break as I’m international

i asked my GF if she has ever watched porn

she told me she watched it when we were on winter break(college)

she watched it several times throughout the week because she was horny and to get off.

She said her favorite ones were gangbang which she said she watched a handful of times and 3 somes and some. 1 on 1

I don’t know how to feel about this especially the gang bang videos, I told her it’s disgusting , she said she was sorry and cried but I didn’t say anything. She said she thought I wouldn’t care and she wanted to tell me but was scared of what I’d think of her

Med: This isn’t something any man wants to hear. But you asked the question. It’s best not to ask a question you might not like the answer to.

Women are incredibly horny. Far hornier than men. If a girl ever reveals her innermost fantasies to you, you’re going to hear some dark things.

If she isn’t watching it habitually, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Favorite Cocktails

Subscriber: What are your favorite cocktails?

Med: It depends on my mood and where I am. If I’m at a steakhouse I like a dirty gin martini with blue cheese olives. If I’m at a dive bar I’ll get a tequila soda. If I’m at home I’ll usually have scotch neat or wine. If I’m at a cocktail bar I’ll order a mezcal negroni. If I’m at a restaurant it depends on what I’m eating. It all depends.

How To Stop Arguing With Women

Subscriber: I’m curious how you would recommend men deal with arguments with women. It’s an area I personally have difficulty in. My personal approach is to communicate, resolve issues, and correct misunderstandings, rather than sweep them under the rug, as they might lead to lingering resentments. However, taking this approach can make things worse, especially if she doesn’t engage. The red pill approach is to avoid arguments, and to simply acknowledge and move on, to ensure you don’t enter her frame. How would you approach disagreements, and the characteristically female tendency to make them personal?

Med: I don’t really care if people agree with me or not. It’s good to be at a place where you can say “This is how I feel. If we don’t agree, then we don’t agree. It’s no problem.” This approach will typically make someone reconsider their position. It might even get them to come around to yours, even if they won’t admit it.

There’s a difference between persuading someone and trying to control what they think. The former is appealing to their reason, which tends to work better with men. The latter comes off defensive and insecure, which will always backfire with women. The most you can do is say your piece once and not repeat yourself.

Girlfriend is Neurotic

Subscriber: Hi Med. My fiancé is quite neurotic, analyzing and considered herself an “autonomous” and “independent” career woman, up until she met me. I find these to be empty concepts, because rootlessness sacrifices the possibility of enduring meaning and legacy, and she obviously shares my perspective, on some level. We talk about kids names, but she’s also having an “identity crisis” in anticipation of transitioning to a new life as a “boring” wife/ mother, from a highly mobile investment banker.

Ultimately, I believe people express their preferences through action, which is why she made the series of decisions that has led up to today, but part of her seems to be wavering. I’ve conveyed my perspective (putting down roots is meaningful, and being boring/conventional depends on how one approaches life, not their job and location), we haven’t fought, and our relationships feels strong, but there might be something brewing in the background. I say “might” because women are often full of shit. She’s now planning to consult a mystic about her “crisis.”

Do you have any explanation for what might really underpins her psychology? And what is the best way to navigate it? Should I approach this as a shit-test?

Med: Try to look at it from her perspective. She’s making a huge life change for you. That’s a good thing. There’s some legitimacy to the identity crisis she’s having.

I think you’re entertaining her neurosis too much and taking her random thoughts too seriously. By getting into it with her, you’re validating everything she’s worrying about. This keeps her worries alive.

Whenever she starts panicking, just listen to her and tell her you’re going to figure it out together and everything is going to be okay. The more you can make her feel safe, the less she is going to seek out a mystic.

Growing Your Account When You’re Not Anonymous

Subscriber: What’s the best and fastest way to grow on X right now if you’re not an anon account?

Med: I think you should post anonymously. I’m biased though. I assume everyone who isn’t anonymous is muffling what they really think in some way.

If you’re funny and your ideas stand out, your account will grow.

Girlfriend Wants to Track Location

Subscriber: Hey man, love how actionable your writing is. I’ve made a huge changes from what I read in a single post.

My gf is always asking to see the text where my friends and I scheduled a meetup etc. or anything like that to make sure I’m not lying about where I’m going. I don’t want to show her that because it’s no way to live. Of course, I could just end things, but you’ve written that this stuff just means they need to feel safe, and if there’s a way to make her feel that instead I’d prefer it

Med: Thank you. I love to hear that.

There’s a balance between making her feel safe and entertaining her neurosis. I would tell her that she needs to trust you. If she doesn’t trust you, then try to understand why. It might not have anything to do with you. It might have to do with her past.

But it’s important that you don’t live that way. You can be non-negotiable on this while wanting to understand why she doesn’t trust you. If you come at it from a place where you’re genuinely curious about why she feels the way she does, it will have a better chance of resolving itself.

Foreplay

Subscriber: Overall I think your take about women has a lot of accuracy and merit. Underfucked women go insane, bottomless sexual desires, etc. -- overall I get it, and think you’re definitely onto something.

Here are some followup questions on the details of this view -- feel free either to answer here or as content in an article or AMA.

a) How does we reconcile this view --- “bottomless sexual desires,” “need to regularly orgasm,” etc --- with the apparent need of women for *lots of foreplay* before penetration?

If they need a regular fucking so badly, why does it require extra patience to convert the latent horniness into realized sex?

b) Again being somewhat literal here: You state that women are “underfucked” and “need to orgasm regularly.” Luckily my own partner orgasms from penetration. So fucking her regularly is compatible with regular orgasms for her.

However, I believe women who say they can’t/don’t orgasm from penetrative sex. What are their partners supposed to do?

One option is i) Fuck them and give them oral. But, giving them oral seems incompatible with the desire for domination you ascribe to female sexuality (which I think is real).

Alternatively, ii) maybe you don’t mean “regular orgasms’ in a literal sense -- and what you mean is just regular sexual attention.

Finally, iii) maybe you don’t actually believe there are women who can’t orgasm from penetration, and you think the males just need to be better in bed. Or iv) maybe you have a different answer to this question.

Thoughts welcome on both questions a) and b)!

Med: I think you’re taking what I say too literally. Yes, women need to orgasm regularly, but foreplay leads up to that. Foreplay is fun and can be just as intimate if not more intimate than sex.

I wouldn’t look at everything through the lens of dominant/submissive either, especially foreplay. Just let it happen and see where it goes. You want to be as in the moment, meaning, there with her (and not in your head), as possible.

If a girl can’t cum from penetration the guy is either bad at sex or she’s on medication that’s preventing her from getting there. Sometimes she’s too stuck in her head and/or doesn’t feel sexy.

Comments/Not Questions

Subscriber: All I want to say is that I MISS YOU, Med!
X is duller/much much less fun when you’re not on there. ☹️
Happy you’re here tho! 🤗💕💖

Med: Thank you. I’m finding endless discussion of politics to be increasingly low class. The vibes are terrible there. Taking a break once again, for now.

Subscriber: Question is; What would it take to convince you that Tucker and Fuentes are retards? And why should I think they are not retards?

I get that you hold a view on this, deeply, however I think they’re both edgelord wackjobs.

Med: It sounds like you’ve made up your mind about what you and I think of them. Feel free to send a better question.

Subscriber: Unblock me please, thanks, it was just a joke and you blocked me :D When you come back, I’ll be able to like your stuff again like I used to, because your content is really good.

Med: No.

Subscriber: Listening to Jenny was a friend of mine and immediately missing Med on twitter

Med: So true. Hot Fuss is a perfect album.

Subscriber: What kind of context do you inhabit career-wise, vocation-wise? What are your greatest compromises? What do you count as success(es)?

Med: I’m anonymous for a reason, so I can’t say anything about that.

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Related Posts

• SSRI’s

• Is my girlfriend alphawidowed by an ex?

• Relationship where both people cheated

• How to read eye contact at bars?

• How is confidence built?

• Managing men vs. women at work

• Right person, wrong time

• Dealing with attention hot girls get

• Pros and Cons of East Asians in the US

• My boyfriend wants a “career woman”

• On belief in demons

• On late bloomers

Paid subscribers can ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.

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Enjoy 🤍

Women on SSRI’s

Subscriber: I’ve seen SSRI’s come up on X a few times from others with our worldview, particularly in the context of women. You even mention it in a great post (link below). Could you expand on this? How do SSRI’s impact women in relation to men, politics, etc? Thank you 🙏🏼

Linked post:

Med: It’s well-established that SSRI’s have a negative effect on women’s libidos and their ability to orgasm. This will have a direct effect on how they view men and how they handle themselves in relationships.

As I’ve been yelling from the rooftops, when women aren’t orgasming through sex regularly, they often go insane. Given how correlated it is for liberal women to be on anti-depressants, underfucked women play a huge role in the deterioration of western civilization.

Is My Girlfriend Alphawidowed by an Ex?

Subscriber: Hi Med - my questions are about my girlfriend and my concern that deep down she still desires her ex. For context, the reason she broke up with her ex – which she initiated after 2 years together in a committed relationship – was that she felt he didn’t really love her for who she was and that she could’ve just been anyone to him (she told me this months ago when we discussed relationship history).

What triggered this recent concern for me was that, during a convo in bed about the role of timing in life, she said that she wouldn’t have been able to be with me in the past because she was so dead set on finding someone just like her ex. I think she meant this in a positive “the-timing-was-right-for-us” way, but to me it sparked this insecurity that she would deep down rather be with her ex or someone just like him, but eventually gave up and had to “settle” for something else. Also, when I followed up by asking what the difference was between me and her ex/those guys she tried dating after, all she had to say at first was that “I’m nice and I respect her”; I immediately balked at that and she followed up with saying it was impossible to articulate the difference.

Since then, I feel like I’m finding other evidence to support this concern. Like when she recommends activities to me that I know her ex did or movies that I know they enjoyed together - she never directly mentions him, but now I feel like she is trying to project her past relationship into the present and relive it, that I’m some sort of simulacrum.

So here are some specific questions about this:

Do you have any guidance to help navigate this feeling/situation?

If she was with someone who she thought was ‘the one’ but forced herself to leave because he didn’t value her in the way she wanted, do you think it’s possible for her to ever really let the feeling of that relationship go (it’s been 2 years since they broke up)? Is that something that can fix itself over time if she’s emotionally healthy/mature?

Am I letting my insecurities run wild here? Am I just giving what she said an ungenerous interpretation? Should I try to ignore my thoughts about this and focus only on her actual actions (which demonstrate love and care and interest, not bitterness)?

Would you think it’s totally normal and healthy to recommend things to your significant other that you enjoyed with your ex, or that your ex particularly enjoyed but which you think your current partner might like also?

Med: I understand your concern. A person’s first relationship(s), especially if intense, often creates an imprint on who they’re attracted to and how they see future relationships, for better or worse. That doesn’t necessarily mean that imprint is permanent, it can fade away over time, but it isn’t guaranteed.

It’s a good thing that she left what sounds like either an abusive relationship or a relationship that wasn’t good for her. It sounds like she’s self-aware and wants to make better choices. Some girls never make that move and keep picking the same guy forever. She wants to be on the right path, so that’s a good sign. But this imprint can cut very deep.

I wouldn’t think too much about the movies/activities, unless they’re extreme or odd. That comes with the territory of dating someone with a past. She might just like those activities/movies now, so I wouldn’t assume she is trying to turn you into him.

But given she said her ex wasn’t nice to her and didn’t respect her, I would try to understand the specifics. Was he just mean to her or was he physically abusive etc.? Those are two different things. I wouldn’t treat it like an investigation, but I would ask because you care and want to learn more about her. How you bring this up is critical. If it’s coming from a place of insecurity then I wouldn’t bring it up. I would make sure that’s in line first before approaching the topic.

No girl wants to date the “nice guy”, but you haven’t mentioned being worried about that so I assume you have that part under control. By nice guy, I mean a pushover.

If she was picking similar guys for a while, then I’m going to assume there’s an aggressive sex element involved. That’s something you can incorporate into your relationships without disrespecting her outside of the bedroom and may fill the void.

Relationship Where Both People Cheated on Each Other

Subscriber: I was in a long distance relationship with my gf. We had problems, and we both cheated on each other. Now we’re back together, and rebuilding the relationship has been kind of tough, it doesn’t feel the same, though the feelings are still there. On the other hand, there’s this younger girl who’s completely head over heels for me, and I cheated on my girlfriend with her. So here’s my question: should I try to rebuild things with my girlfriend knowing we both cheated, or start fresh with someone who would do anything for me, even if I’m not that into her right now?

Med: Either start fresh with the new girl or end things with your girlfriend. Either way you should end things with your girlfriend. It’s probably not ever going to be the same. Trust broken on such a level, especially when both people broke that trust, is extremely difficult to repair. Unless you want to have children with her and are willing to work on this for years, I would break up with her and move on.

Reading Eye Contact at Bars

Subscriber: Sorry if the question has already been asked, but how do you read eye contact and use it at a bar. I find it hard to figure out if a girl looking at me is interested or just glancing my way. And I don’t want to come off creepy staring at people.

Med: If a girl is into you, she isn’t going to stare at you. She’s either going to make sure you don’t see her looking at you or she’s going to make eye contact briefly and subtly then her eyes will graze elsewhere.

If she’s looking in your direction but not making eye contact with you, then she’s just glancing your way. Eye contact requires both people.

I also wouldn’t look like you’re on the hunt to see if girls are looking at you because that comes off as desperate and a bit creepy. Go out to enjoy yourself first and foremost. If a girl checks you out, great. If not, you had a good time anyway. Enjoying your own company and enjoying who you’re with while you’re out is crucial.

How is Confidence Built?

Subscriber: How do you think self confidence is built? I have always been very confident , how could someone else build it

I’ve always been told it comes from breaking psychological barriers, some are just born with it? Comes with age and experience

Med: This is a complicated question. How you were raised is a major factor. If your parents were neglectful, discouraging, or demeaning, then this is going to take a toll on your confidence and make it harder to develop as an adult.

Confidence has a lot to do with knowing who you are, being content with who you are, knowing what you are and aren’t capable of, and not really caring what people think of you. This comes with a lot of experience through trial-and-error by willing to be who you really are, which comes with having an appetite for risk and vulnerability. You might not know who you are, hence the trial-and-error.

Confidence also doesn’t just appear one day. It grows and builds over time. Learning through experience that you aren’t going to die if people don’t like you goes a long way.

Managing Men vs. Women at Work

Subscriber: Hi Med, I’m curious to hear more of your thoughts on the differences between managing men and women in a professional setting, I believe you’ve mentioned having experience with this before. I’m going to be starting in a leadership position soon and while I have related experience from stuff I did at university and taking charge of situations has always kind of come naturally to me, I would be interested to learn more about effective techniques and strategies in this area. Both in terms of overall leadership/managerial skills, but also in the specific differences when handling men vs women in this scenario. Thanks as always.

side question - any updates on the book? I look forward to it for myself, but also plan on buying copies for some more offline friends of mine who might find it beneficial as I also did with BAM.

Med: When it comes to managing men it’s important to straddle the line between being cool with them and being professional without being a hardass or letting them get away with things because they think they’re cool with you. At the end of the day you’re their boss, not their friend. It’s a job and if they don’t do their job well then you’re going to fire them, so their performance needs to be prioritized.

It’s easier to be direct with men in a professional setting than it is with women. If you’re too direct with women they become flustered and take it personally. With women you need to have a lighter touch and not be as firm in your demeanor. You have to be just as firm with them as you would a man in terms of what you say. It really does matter how you say it.

It’s important that your entire team finds you approachable regardless of their sex.

Leadership is a different story. Few are capable of it. That means your team knows you’re willing to disagree with your boss and will go to bat for them when push comes to shove, along with having a deep understanding and strong gut instincts for how the business runs and should run. A good appetite for failure through taking risks and therefore innovation is an important leadership quality.

No updates on the book yet, but I’ve been spending more time working on it during this current hiatus from X.

Right Person, Wrong Time

Subscriber: Med, how does one manage dealing with a potential right person wrong time dynamic? In a previous Medcast episode I had asked a question regarding dating a girl that I immediately hit it off with who had just got out of a bad long-term relationship and how to navigate things, etc after she had said it was the best first few dates of her life with me and was shocked with how great it was going. We ended up seeing each other for a few months where things were great but she had various moments of pulling back which ultimately led to her not allowing herself to give in to the relationship where she ultimately said she wasn’t ready for anything now. I have since dated/had sex with other girls but I still keep coming back to the insane chemistry and compatibility that we shared. I have voiced to her in the past where I stand and how I think of her, but looking for some advice regarding this moving forward.

Med: I would give it a few months of no contact then reach out to her again. If you press then it will only push her away. I would manage expectations though, people move on.

Dealing with Jealousy from Attention Hot Girls Get

Subscriber: Med, I remember from one of your stories a time when you dated a really hot Italian girl that you met on the subway. You ended up dating her for a while and spent some time where she was from. You mentioned that she got an enormous amount of attention from men and that she certainly wasnt shy about using it to her advantage. I remember you implying that you struggled to deal with the feelings of jealousy. Do you think you ever would have gotten used to it or was that perhaps a sign of incompatibility? Maybe the better question to ask is how to not to ruin something otherwise good with a girl because of jealousy and scars from the past?

Med: I believe this is a different girl. The girl I met on the subway was a one-night thing. But regardless I was younger then and way less capable of understanding feelings of jealousy. Someone once told me “If you want to date a girl who doesn’t get a lot of attention from men, date a 5.” I eventually learned that attention from men comes with the territory with dating hot girls. If all of the boxes are checked on your end then there isn’t anything to worry about.

East Asians in the US

Subscriber: Thoughts on East Asians in the US? What are the good/bad stereotypes, advantages and disadvantages -- socially?
How can one leverage their traits or others’ perceptions to thrive in an environment with other races?

Med: Complicated topic, depends on which East Asians. I’m a big fan of the Japanese and their culture. Chinese Americans are a mixed bag. If you’ve ever spent time in Chinatown NYC then you know they can be quite unkempt and often hawk loogies on the sidewalk. But many younger Chinese Americans are very assimilated and don’t act like their parents who are FOB.

Both Japanese and Chinese tend to mind their own business and not tell Americans how their culture should work, unlike South Asians. I’m not as familiar with Koreans. From what I hear they can be the most wild of all the Asians.

I would say assimilating is what’s most important. If you have good qualities because of who you are or because of your culture then I would embrace those. If you have qualities that don’t blend with American culture then I would try to tame those.

Asians have the least amount of negative stereotypes in comparison to some other races. I find they have a good reputation.

Boyfriend Wants a “Career Woman”

Subscriber: Hi Med, love your stuff and would love to hear your opinion on a romantic relationship Im in. A while back you encouraged people to use dating apps. I really didn’t want to go that route but decided to try it a few months ago and it wasn’t bad actually. I went out with a couple of attractive guys and ended up getting into a relationship with one of them. We’ve been dating for a couple months now.

I’m early 30s, he’s mid-30s. We’re long distance but spend a few days together every couple weeks or so (I WFH).

I’m definitely to the right politically and socially. MAGA-right, not old guard. He supports Trump but comes from a more liberal part of the country and definitely is to the left of me on a lot of issues. He’s a very masculine guy on a personal level tho. Big into weightlifting and working out generally, has a strong mindset of personal responsibility, very ambitious, very goal oriented, always doing things, thinking ahead, taking charge of situations, loves reading about history and geopolitics, etc. I like all of that about him very much. (He is pretty high anxiety tho)

We’ve had some ups and downs already (I do think it’s a bit soon for that but not ready to call it yet), but there’s one issue in particular that is becoming a big sticking point. I would like a more traditional relationship. Basically, if I have kids I want to stay at home and maybe only work part time while they’re young. That’s how it was in my family and it’s important to me to be able to do that without trying to also hold down a job.

My boyfriend tho (and this is why I explained about our political leanings and his personality generally), really wants a career woman. He wants to be a power couple and keeps using the term “partner” (which on some level I find kind of gay). Kind of surprised me.

We’re both professionals. He probably earns more than me but I do well too and his business is more cyclical. Like some years business will inevitably be bad. I work from home and have a regular salary. Though I really do want to change jobs and will not stay in this one much longer.

If it was up to me, I wouldn’t have brought all this stuff about marriage and kids up so soon (Type B personality TBH). But since he brought it up, I let him know how I felt. He doesn’t seem to want to budge on this issue and we’ve both brought it up a couple times now.

He says all the women in his family worked (his childhood was awful tho. His parents divorced but I’m not sure why). He also went broke early in his career and is quite frugal. He’s definitely worried about going broke but he seems to do well now. (Not sure how well). He also makes comments about stay-home-moms having their brains turn to mush from not working. Maybe that happens to some, but I think it’s less of problem than he makes it out to be. All that is to say, I’m not sure exactly why he’s stuck on this career woman thing. Probably a combination.

I never wanted to quit working entirely or forever but while the kids are young, that makes sense to me. He wants me to work for another 20 years if we stay together. Honestly, if he had said the opposite “I don’t want a career woman, I want you stay at home and never work again,” I would’ve told him that I might want to work a bit (I like my field. It very directly impacts things I care about and I can WFH). Also, just to be clear, im a reasonable person, if it just wasn’t feasible financially, I would be okay with working. You make sacrifices. But It’s bothering me that he’s pushing this whole career woman/partner thing so much.

One final note. I was in a relationship with one guy on and off all thru my 20s. It didn’t work bc he couldn’t get it together. This is the first time I’ve really dated since I was 20

Sorry for the long explanation but I thought you might want the context to answer my questions.

1. What do you think about women working during a marriage with kids?

2. What do you think about men who want their wives to work, even if they can afford for them to stay home? (I thought men were all against career women now. Maybe I’m on X too much)

3. A friend told me he may change his mind if we have kids and it’s common for guys to not realize how much work kids are until they have them. I don’t want to count on that but maybe she’s right?

4. Is this relationship DOA? Are we just wasting each other’s time?

5. Should I try talking to him more about it? Or just shelf it till we’re further into the relationship?

6. My mom (kinda old school) says he’s acting like a baby bc he’s afraid that he won’t be able to provide. Insecure essentially.

7. Marriage has changed completely over the last 100 years. People don’t agree about expectations anymore. What do you think is fair and reasonable to expect from a man and vice versa? Is traditional marriage over?

Med: I don’t think it’s good for a woman to work during the first few years of their child’s life. Those years are critical for their development, so being nurtured by their mother rather than a nanny is very important.

Men who want their wives to work are completely cucked by feminism. They think men and women are equals so they believe anything men can do, women can do, and should do. There’s not much you can do to help these people. They need to learn the nature of men and women on their own and some of them never do.

I will say I’ve worked with women who are quite competent and it often serves them well to be working. But few women are like that. It usually makes women miserable and takes a toll on their relationships. I think women are best suited to work on small projects rather than have a full-time job. 3-4 hours/day at the most.

I definitely wouldn’t wait until you have kids to find out. If this is a deal-breaker for you then I would make that clear beforehand, and if he isn’t on board then it’s better to end things now rather than wait for the relationship to either blow up or deteriorate after you have kids. Waiting will take a toll on the kids.

Sadly our inflated economy often calls for dual incomes, but what matters is the man understands it’s his responsibility to provide and at least puts in the effort to. Expecting a woman to bring in half the bread is extremely cucked. Most men are faggots now, at least 70%.

On Belief in Demons

Subscriber: Hello Med Gold, here is something I entered as a comment in an odd place. I guess that it got lost in the shuffle. Still interested in your response.I notice that the comments aren’t possible for the post on demons. I cannot hope that you will really find my witness credible, but they do exist, boy howdy.

Now, part of the problem is that when we ask, “Do demons exist?” we are already on our back foot. The better question would be, “Do spirits exist?” Emphatically, yes. Good and bad. Are there experiences of the good ones? More than you could ever count. Yes, I have experiences of them. As a matter of fact, the world is rife with spiritual agencies that operate by rules not cognized by a “modern” intellect, yet we can be suitably educated by the bible if we reach for one. Or by exorcists and other very spiritual persons, if we ask. I wish it weren’t so, because it makes life that much more complicated.

There is a growing number of people who claim to serve satan and his angels. And they have efficacy that they can point to. They will not triumph, but that is beside the point. They are doing things that make your hair curl. You would scarcely believe how they infiltrate religious systems. In some cultures which capitulate to the demons’ agencies, the spirits are part of the warp and woof of those futile social systems. Just ask missionaries to Africa and Asia. Did good angels inspire Magna Carta? Sure looks like it!

Now I am massively curious here. Your Substack is called Demonic Lust &c. You have written that the lust of veritable fucking is demonic. Do you believe that in a realist sense, or are you speaking mythopoetically? It makes a difference you know. Many of us want to have the full panoply of sexual pleasure. If it were demonic as such, well . . . there you would have a very difficult dilemma.

Since demons do exist, it is important, and maybe not even that dramatic, to find a way to deal with them. We will never be smarter than they are, but, in Christ, we will always be more powerful. They only recognize power, like their boss. And they can be dispelled. I am not at all sure that they are the same thing as animal lust.

Sorry (though I am not) “theological” issues are NOT adiaphora, they are ingredient to every aspect of life available to human beings, who have a logos nature. Theology is never an aside to real thought, truth, or rationality. While I maintain my paid subscription, I hope to imbibe the full extent of your thoughtfulness as expressed in your posts. I AM impressed. Thank you for helping make Substack worth our time.

Med: I’m very realistic which can be difficult as a Christian. At the bare minimum, I take John 1:1 very literally, as I noted in On Faith in Jesus' Resurrection. However, I don’t take every word of the Bible literally, and I think it’s harmful to do so. People must contend with reality as the evidence presents itself to us. The Bible doesn’t discuss general relativity or the existence of DNA. Should we not believe in either because they weren’t mentioned in the Bible?

The point of being a Christian is to be as much like Jesus as humanly possible, which is fully impossible. The metaphysical aspects, whether it’s heaven and hell or angels and demons, muddies his message. I think people focus on that aspect of Christianity more than who Jesus was.

I know what I’m supposed to do with belief in Jesus. It’s solely personal. But what am I supposed to do with demons? Pray? Organize an exorcism? There is no action to take. It’s just a word.

I find demons and even Satan to be useless concepts because there is zero evidence of their existence. I don’t believe they exist just because the Bible says they exist. I believe Jesus is God through a conscious leap of faith, which is required. I don’t find it necessary to take a leap of faith that demons or angels exist.

People can “feel” like demons exist, but that isn’t evidence. People feel a lot of things that aren’t true. So when people blame demons for human behavior, I find it to be a coping mechanism for not having a robust understanding of human nature, which requires a strong stomach and an inherent skepticism of people’s intentions until they earn your trust.

If an alien were to ask me what humans are like, I would show them people creating traffic as they slow down their cars to stare at the damage of a car accident. That’s the default state of human beings, in my opinion. So if your understanding of human nature is that people are selfish by default, and can only become good through relentless self-reflection and measurable change in their behavior, which sometimes involves divine intervention through prayer, sometimes not, then it’s easier to understand the dark side of people and what they’re capable of.

When I described lust as demonic, I meant it metaphorically. I don’t believe man is actually possessed by a demon as he consumes a woman he’s sexually attracted to, but it does feel like it.

When trying to assess human behavior, I start with human nature first, then psychological/emotional explanations. If a person was molested, raped, abandoned, or neglected as a child, then their likelihood of inflicting pain on others as an adult increases significantly. I see no room for demons in assessing human behavior.

On Late Bloomers

Subscriber: I didn’t come from a loving home. It took me a long time to like myself. I don’t know how to get over my lack of dating experience. It’s embarrassing knowing I’ve never been in love before and that I won’t be their first. I’ve glowed up but it’s hard to move on from formative experiences. I still feel like I’ll never be anyone’s first choice. And it’s silly bc superficially I’m close to checking every box. 6 foot, 6 figure salary (not like that means much anymore) etc. For me it’s not a confidence issue. Planning dates, getting good at sex, picking the right girl, everything people figure out at 16 I’m having to learn at 26 and I don’t have anyone to help.

Med: I would disagree that it isn’t a confidence issue. I say that because you said “I still feel like I’ll never be anyone’s first choice.”

Why wouldn’t you be? That’s something you’re telling yourself.

Also, it’s more normal to learn these things in your 20’s. I guarantee you there isn’t a 16 year old in the world who has these things figured out. They might have had sex, but they’re still clueless. There’s people in their 50’s with a ton of experience who don’t have these things figured out. You’re being too hard on yourself.

Random

Subscriber: Have you considered having Rivelino on your podcast? A while ago you mentioned you may have FischerKing64 on. I like him and I’d look forward to that episode if you do decide to have him on. I also really liked your episode with UsingLyft and think he’s a great guest to have back.

Med: Medcast is over for now. I agree both would be fun guests to have on.

Subscriber: When can we preorder your book?

Med: My paid subscribers will be first to know :)

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Related Posts

• Interracial relationships

• Husband doesn’t last long in bed

• Caring too much

• Autistic friend who scares the hoes

• My disagreeableness

• Medcast

• Career options

• Signs You’ve Found “The One”

• Long distance relationships in the military

• Book recommendations

• Arguing with women

• Leading women on

• Career options II

• Women who can pull off red lipstick

• Getting out of your head in social situations

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Interracial Relationships

Subscriber: What’s your view on interracial relationships? I’m white, but I tend to not be attracted to white women. I see the benefit of dating within the same racial background, but the chemistry hasn’t been great. The way white women smell doesn’t agree with me. Having a negative preference for my own race doesn’t feel right, though.

Med: I believe people with parents of very distant races live life in a state of existential confusion. If your father were Swiss and your mother Spanish, that isn’t very distant genetically. You’re ethnically European. But if your mother were German and your father Somalian, the genetic distance is greater than that of a wolf and a dog. This is why it doesn’t feel right.

A significant amount of your personality is directly due to your ethnicity, so their children will have a difficult time having a complete understanding of themselves because the parts competing against each other are playing by different rules. I would take this into consideration. Cultural barriers in relationships are very real, and shouldn’t be underestimated either.

Husband Not Lasting Long

Subscriber: Dear Med, I (25, F) am in a very happy marriage with my husband. Everything is perfect, but one thing: in my opinion, he doesn’t last long enough in bed. He does take the time for me and he’s able to make me cum only by penetrating and almost every time we have sex, which is amazing! But the sex itself - and I mean actual penetration - only lasts for like five minutes… We’ve talked about it before and he’s says he finds me super sexy and loves fucking me and he can’t stop himself. I gave him the advice to experiment with breathing and solving match problems and what-not, which does seem to help a bit, but not enough. We also have sex regularly, and I suck him off randomly to take the pressure off of him. Still, it doesn’t seem to work.

Now, I don’t want to bring it up again because I feel bad for him, but I can’t fight the deep desire within me to be fucked for a longer time by him. Again, I’m grateful that he’s able to make me cum almost every single time, that’s really special, but I just want him to last a bit longer… How can we fix this?

Med: You have the right attitude about this and it’s good to hear that he’s at least making you cum.

What’s he’s saying is true — he does find you super sexy and he “can’t stop himself”, in that exact moment. Men reach a “point of no return” where Jesus himself could command him to not cum, and he’s going to cum anyway. What he needs to learn is how to get comfortable living in the moments that build up to that moment, which is usually done through edging. But there are other ways.

I’m not going to say you should tell your husband to start jerking off and be more mindful while he’s doing it. But you can turn this into a game. Before you blow him next, tell him to tell you when he’s about to cum (if he doesn’t do that already). Then stop. No, I’m not saying you should blueball him. But do something else before you go back to it. Kiss around his leg or his balls or whatever. Make him wait a minute or two. This will extend the amount of time you can blow him. Repeat that a few times. This is the “area” he needs to be comfortable in.

Graphs that compare the female orgasm to the male orgasm show women building up to it, and men going from 0-100 immediately. This is physically true, but not mentally. While men don’t have a buildup in the same way women do, men can know when they’re on their way up and stop themselves, or at least pace themselves.

If he’s fucking you fast from the beginning, or is going fast the whole time, this is likely a big reason why. If you notice him going too fast too early, tell him to slow down. Not in a scolding way of course, but to shift to a more sensual pace. Tell him you want to feel every second. Ideally, he will be more comfortable in this area, and will be able to switch from slow to fast. This will make the sex more dynamic and will help him build up to lasting longer.

Caring Too Much

Subscriber: I’m pretty laid back and goofy when I’m comfortable and a bit buzzed, but I get so uptight and hopeful when I’m sober that I feel like I’m playing not to lose. Like I drunkenly flirted with this girl online and then set up a date with her, and over the next day I think I was so rigid and trying to be “mysterious” or whatever that I bored her or turned her off and she ghosted me.

I’m passionate and trying to develop my confidence, but shit like this kills me man. How do I stop caring without becoming Reddit and reading “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” or some garbage inauthentic manosphere nonsense?

Med: I don’t think this is the right approach. Caring vs. Not Caring isn’t the way to look at it. I think what we’re talking about is Being Desperate vs. Being Open.

If you’re desperate, you’re trying to appear a certain way and eager for a particular outcome. If you’re open, you’re willing to experience whatever might come next, for better or for worse, and you know that you’ll still be alive regardless of the outcome.

If you meet a girl that you care about, that’s good. It’s good to care. If you meet a girl you don’t care about, that’s okay too. It’s okay to not care about people. Being selective of who you care about, and knowing why you care about them, matters more.

Genuinely getting to know people individually without putting them into a box, in this case, “women”, is the way out of this. This will come with more experience as well. The more girls you talk to, the more you’ll realize that not every girl you talk to is a make or break situation.

Autistic Friend Who Scares The Hoes

Subscriber: Hi Med. Long post but you know how it is sometimes. I have a friend who’s autistic and awkward in social situations, but is overall a good and reliable guy. He leans fairly to the right politically as well, which is good. However, he frequently causes problems with the girls in our social circle (which has a fairly even gender split), mostly by way of the previously-mentioned awkwardness which gives them the infamous “ick” and makes them uncomfortable, i.e. he will say strange things or make raunchy jokes without the charisma or delivery to back it up which is a recipe for disaster. He is also downright hostile to women sometimes for seemingly no reason, not sure if it’s some kind of jealousy or “incel rage”, but it is a consistent problem.

He also strongly dislikes my brother and his girlfriend, maybe out of jealousy because I know he liked the girl in the past or because he can’t get laid because of his aforementioned awkwardness.

All this to say I believe that he is a genuinely good guy at heart, and he has a lot of potential, but how can me and my brother help him get over these problems or support him in any way we can so that he can be a more functional member of our friend group / society in general without creating drama? Have thought maybe I should just take a step back and let him figure out his own problems, but apparently he used to be a lot worse before me and my brother stepped in and I think we have the opportunity to be a real, good positive influence on him, just not sure how exactly to approach it. Would love to hear your thoughts on all this, sorry for long post. Thanks.

Med: I would be honest and set boundaries. “Look man, you can’t say shit like that to girls while we’re out. It makes them uncomfortable.” You don’t need to explain what he did wrong, that isn’t your responsibility. See how he responds. If he continues to do it, I’d say “If you keep doing that while we’re out, we’re going to have to go out without you. It’s nothing personal.” See how he responds.

If a friend were mean to a sibling, I would tell them that isn’t acceptable. You have to put your brother first, and cutting a friend off for being mean to a sibling is completely justified, regardless of his condition. His autism isn’t your problem.

I don’t know if he’s aware of what he’s doing, but I would start there.

My Disagreeableness

Subscriber: Did you develop your disagreeableness over time or were you always wired that way?

Med: I was always like this. Parents often tell their disagreeable children they should become lawyers. I was also told this by my teachers, often during detention.

Medcast

Subscriber: Just subbed, were the old Medcast episodes pulled?

Med: Yes, for security reasons. I may bring it back at some point.

Career Options

Subscriber: Hey Med, How do I know what to strive for in pursuit of chasing the “thing” (job, hobbies, interests etc) that ignite the fire within me to want to make an impact on the world? I feel like I’ve had glimpses of this internal passion which I’ve previously channelled into my interests / jobs at the time.

Yet, right now I’m unsure of the direction, and outlets, I should be working towards. Although Im only 23, I feel like I know myself well enough to follow my intuition / internal compass towards what I would like to achieve, but when I carry out / complete / achieve said actions, or after finding out more information, they are merely but a stepping stone.

The unknown still remains, and I’m not sure how I can use my talents / god given personality towards impacting the world / helping people.

Med: Unless you’ve always known what you wanted to do from a young age (which is rare), you will learn what you’re passionate about, and what you aren’t, by doing. I recommend pursuing as many of your genuine interests as possible, even if it’s just for a few hours a week, to get a better understanding of them. I would focus less on having an impact on the world and more about doing what you genuinely enjoy. While pursuing, ask yourself if you would enjoy doing that 8-10 hours/day. Life is long and you can adapt to these things over time. Your interests may change.

Signs You’ve Found “The One”

Subscriber: Hey Med, you recommended to me to block my ex and suffer for 3 months. Thanks for that advice. It’s super tough but I guess it’s the correct way to find my dream girl.

I’m working very hard on myself and do a lot of sports to distract myself but I still miss her almost every day. Thinking that maybe she was “the one”. After 3.5 years on-off situationship my mind probably know that she’s not the one. But after having strong withdrawal signs, I’m questioning everything. That’s probably normal though.

Could you please elaborate on when we as men know that a specific girl is “the one”? Any strong signs or something to look for especially?

Thanks a lot and love that you’re posting more nowadays! ❤️

Med: Why did it end? Sorry if I’m not remembering this specific question.

Still missing her after a few months is normal. Wondering if you lost The One is one of the withdrawal symptoms. That will lessen over time.

The One usually isn’t a situationship. It may start as one but it will grow into a real relationship. A relationship with The One doesn’t end because the relationship is very easy, and you like being around each other too much.

Your likelihood of meeting The One while you’re looking for The One are lower than if you’re not looking for them at all. There’s something about filtering out people for traits you aren’t aware of yet that keeps The One blocked out. Being okay with being alone is critical, in my experience.

You also won’t need to question whether or not they’re The One. You’ll just know. This comes with experience though. As I wrote about in Your Oneitis Is Stinking Up The Room, people often mistake their first loves for The One merely due to the intensity of those new emotions.

I know this is vague advice, but matters like this aren’t supposed to be clear, because they’re very unique and specific to each person.

Long Distance Relationships in the Military

Subscriber: Hey Med, I have a good girlfriend who pretty much does everything I can ask. We are in long distance because I’m in the military. She flies out to visit and when we are together she cleans, we have a lot of sex, and we generally have a good time. However the lack of sex when we are not together is difficult and even when we are together, I have a strong drive to want to fuck other women right after also fucking her. I brought up threesome which I though might solve the issue and also the idea of me having side hoes. Essentially I guess I want an unfair open relationship where it is only open for me, I don’t want to have to lie and cheat to meet this desire of mine but also maintain the relationship. Not sure how I could go about doing this. currently we are on a break, and will reevaluate in a couple months.

Med: That’s a tall order. Very few women are going to be okay with such an arrangement. Unless you think she’s perfect for you, and you’re okay with jerking off a lot to tame the impulse to not cheat, I would end it and stay single unless you meet a woman you’re willing to do that for. Long distance, especially in a high testosterone environment like the military, is going to be hard to maintain.

Book Recommendations

Subscriber: Hi, I’ve found your writing to be extremely valuable. Your insights are realistic, track with my experiences, and don’t have any of the resentment I’ve noticed in the “manosphere” (TRP and so on), which I’ve found useful in the past. Do you have any book recommendations (fiction and non-fiction) that you’ve found relevant to the topic of women, dating and relationships?

Med: The only book I’ve read on this that I’ve found worthwhile is The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I haven’t done much reading on this topic to be honest. I read it 15+ years ago and it had a pretty profound impact on me at the time.

Arguing with Women

Subscriber: In your next AMA I’m also curious how you would recommend men deal with arguments with women. It’s an area I personally have difficulty in. My personal approach is to communicate, resolve issues, and correct misunderstandings, rather than sweep them under the rug, as they might lead to lingering resentments. However, taking this approach can make things worse, especially if she doesn’t engage. The red pill approach is to avoid arguments, and to simply acknowledge and move on, to ensure you don’t enter her frame. How would you approach disagreements, and the characteristically female tendency to make them personal?

Med: I don’t find arguing with anyone useful unless your values are 80-100% aligned and have similar communication styles. Arguing with women is a win-lose situation where the man always loses, even if he’s right. I try to approach disagreements delicately, with an intention to care about them and the relationship, fully hear them out, then tell them my thoughts on it one time. They can disagree if they want, but what’s most important is that you said your piece and don’t let it escalate from there. They can kick and scream all they want. It’s not about being right, it’s about saying what you need to say, not repeating yourself, and knowing when to pick your battles.

Leading Women On

Subscriber: Hi Med, i’m a 22 year old zoomer and ur recent post about landsharks tweet regarding not leading people on has made me reflect on my current dating situation and I want blunt advice on how to handle it. I’ve been seeing this girl (19) I’ve met off hinge for almost two months and I don’t see her as marriage/long term material. She seems much more into me than i’m into her and the only reason i’ve kept her around is to practice getting better in the bedroom and being able to know what to do in any future relationships with more attractive woman. I’ve felt guilt about it before but swept it aside till today and i’m not sure how to go upon dealing with it. Should I just break it off immediately or let it go on for a couple months max till i feel more confident in myself with girls? I feel like you’re the only person online that would have a good perspective on this and any advice would be appreciated.

Med: Having sex with a girl to get better at sex should be done with a girl who also only wants to have sex, which should be agreed upon. Hard to find, but they exist. Stringing a woman along is wasting her time, which is more precious biologically than men’s time. I would end it today.

Career Options II

Subscriber: I’m trying to prioritize being a Christian without being completely castrated. In figuring all of this out (along with some personal circumstances) I killed both my career and my relationship with my girlfriend five years, we broke up in December. I’m finally reaching out to girls again and trying to make my way into the dating scene, as well as figure out what I want to actually do with myself.

So part of my dilemma moving forward is I’m pretty certain on who I am and what I want for my life, but I’m not sure what I want to do. I’ve entertained so many different ideas for jobs, careers, and I keep spinning myself in circles.

I’m 27, currently doing a 2 year IT program and paying out of pocket (it’s cheap thankfully) just to explore the field and get my GPA up in the event I want to go to grad school, but even then, I feel like I’d just be putting myself back into a low-test cubicle environment that will kill the vitality I’m trying to cultivate in my personal life.

Seeing the hapless dickless lifeless men at my first engineering job just fall in line during the peak of the COVID hysteria disgusted me and led me to speak up to management (who promptly threw me out on my ass), and I haven’t been able to find another job like that since.

I slogged in retail for three years and I’m just trying anything at this point to get a good job so I can provide for the family I’m going to build. I found a job as a spa service tech that almost pays what I made at that engineering job, but I know that industry and it can be a financial dead end.

I like tech, I like computers, but I also really enjoy being outside and working with my hands. I’ve also got an artist’s soul and enjoy creative design, modeling, sculpting. But then there’s another part of me that just wants to move into a single room cabin on a grape farm in Italy and make wine for a living (I’m American and there’s just no way it would happen). Also, I’m a creature of spontaneity and I change my mind frequently lol.

How the fuck do I figure out what to commit to which will surround me with thinking men who still have their balls, and then more importantly, how the fuck do develop the volition to stay committed to it?

Med: I wouldn’t prioritize being around men who are similar to you. You can’t have both (liking tech and working with your hands), so you’ll have to pursue one as a career while pursuing the other as a hobby. You could juggle a few things at once, but that’s less stable and less likely to make you highly successful at one of them. I would focus on doing what you actually enjoy doing and become the best at it. All of those other things are secondary.

Women Wearing Red Lipstick

Subscriber: Hi, could you please elaborate some more on what it is according to you that makes a woman able or unable to pull off a red lipstick. The thing about jiggly arms is pretty clear and easily understandable, but the lipstick leaves a female reader curious.

Med: Red lipstick comes off as trying too hard to me. It’s all you see. It stands out too much. And it’s pretty rare that a woman looks better with red lipstick than without. If you’re attractive, you shouldn’t have to distract from the rest of your face.

Generally the women who can pull this off tend to be on the paler side. I also find it only appropriate in certain environments. If you’re going to a fancy event where there’s a dress code, and you’re wearing an elegant dress — then it fits. If you’re just on a regular date or having a regular night out, it doesn’t make much sense. It’s overkill.

Getting Out of Your Head

Subscriber: Hey Med, I’m wondering if you have any actionable advice on how to get out of your own head and be able to just project outward instead of inward? I realize a lot of it is probably not being comfortable with yourself but even when I take action I walk away not feeling satisfied. For example, I’m trying to be looser and a little more silly so I signed up for an improv class but I can’t let myself go while I’m there and be in the moment. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on it but not letting myself go and allowing myself to be I n the moment is defining way too much of my life and social interactions and I need a new perspective. Thanks in advance!

Med: I find this to be a matter of vulnerability and fear of rejection. A lot of it comes down to not caring what people think about you and being willing to accept some people may not like you, or that you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. That’s okay. I find it harder to trust people that everybody likes. That usually means they’re sacrificing their true feelings in some way, which I don’t respect.

Being able to sort out what you actually want to say vs. what you think people want you to say is important. I find confidence comes from taking that risk on a regular basis, being willing to look like an idiot sometimes, feeling like an idiot sometimes, then realizing you don’t die after feeling like an idiot sometimes. This takes practice and will grow over time.

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Related Posts

• Flirting Better

• Ending Things With a Girl In Your Social Circle

• Dating in Germany

• Getting a Vasectomy

• AI’s Impact on Culture, Dating, and Socializing

• Social Media Detoxes & Why Boredom is Good

• Dating Multiple Women at Once

• Recharging Your Social Battery as an Introvert

• Book Recommendations

• Girls Who Sleep With Black Guys

• Male Instinct & Wanting To Only Date Virgins

Paid subscribers ask me anything by joining my chat or DMing me directly.

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Flirting Better

Subscriber: Hey Med, hope you’re good I’ve been getting better at funnymaxxing, which has helped a ton with breaking the ice and adopting a more unapologetic demeanor. Listening deeply without judgment and being attentive to others has also been a major boost for my relationships. That said, beyond those set of skills, I struggle with flirting. I’m still too much in my head and don’t know how to develop a flirtatious attitude. Overall, I feel too rigid when I try to be seductive. I can make girls laugh and listen well, but escalating the situation and seducing is something I haven’t honed yet. Thanks, Med! TL;DR: How do I flirt?

Med: Flirting is an act of playfulness. Being lighthearted, and not taking life too seriously is required in order to flirt properly. Being able to make fun of yourself allows you to lightly make fun of other people. But I must stress the word lightly. Poking fun at someone without making them feel bad or pointing out something they might be actually insecure about. Flirting can also take place through direct compliments about a girl’s appearance or saying something you like about her personality. But if you’re trying to shake the part of you that comes across too rigid then I would focus on being playful. This comes down to loosening up and not caring too much about the outcome.

Ending Things With a Girl In Your Social Circle

Subscriber: How to end things with a girl I dated once, after meeting through a mutual social group?

I met this girl through my tennis community and asked her out that same evening. We got drinks, talked a lot, kissed a little, but I realized that I'm not that attracted to her.

I don't want to lead her on, especially before she feels more attached, and she already seems very attracted and nervous - constantly yapping on the date, suggesting new plans. However, I'm unsure of how to end things with someone who is a part of an in-person social group without making things awkward for her when we inevitably see each other again in the future at tennis.

Med: If you only went on one date, it’s fine to slowly phase her out by responding less frequently and using less words as you respond. If she isn’t socially retarded she’ll get the hint and it probably won’t be a big deal. She’s infatuated with you, but if she isn’t a psycho — she’ll feel stupid when you’re around each other again for a little while then she’ll move on.

If you went on several dates and it’s a bit deeper than that, I’d have a different response, but it sounds like it was brief. Shouldn’t be a problem to end it naturally.

Dating in Germany

Subscriber: What would you recommend to a 35 yo male dude living in Germany to find his future wife? The country is super liberal and so are the girls. Online dating is not so easy, especially since I like girls in their 20‘s. Do you have any specific recommendations to meet new girls besides joining some social events? I could to cold approach as well but it doesn’t feel natural at all just to walk around the city and approach girls. Thanks a lot and keep it up!

Med: Well first, I wouldn’t look at it as “looking for a wife.” I would first work on looking for a girl you enjoy spending a few hours with, then see if she’s worthy of being your girlfriend, then see if she’s worthy of being your wife. One step at a time.

Germany is unfortunately one of the countries in Europe I haven’t visited, so I’m unfamiliar with how the women are there. From what I can see online, it’s an extremely cucked country. At least the politics are anyway. So it makes sense the girls there would be more liberal than average.

Is Germany your home or are you just there temporarily? If the latter, I would suggest living in a place that isn’t so hyperliberal. If Germany is your home, then I would try meeting women online who might be less liberal. I’m not sure how the dating apps work there, but filtering out liberal girls could be a first step (if that’s even legal there lol). If not, then I would start approaching girls in person. It most definitely doesn’t feel natural but that’s why most men don’t do it. Given most men don’t do it — those who do it confidently stand out and girls are impressed that you even tried in the first place. That confidence comes with taking a lot of L’s. So I would start practicing given your option are limited.

I have an essay that could help this that was recently featured in Man’s World by , which I’ll be publishing soon.

Getting a Vasectomy

Subscriber: Dear medgold, I have a vasectomy question. My wife suggested getting snipped, i instinctively responded with “go fuck yourself” and asked her to drop the idea entirely. “Spiritual cuckoldry”, etc etc.

However, i may be warming up to the idea given our particular set of circumstances.

My wife and I are in our upper 30’s, already have 3 children (all young so we have our hands full), are okay with this number, and don’t plan on having anymore.

But the biggest reason is that sex has now become less of getting lost in the moment by two horny individuals and more of this anxiety dance of trying not to get pregnant in the process. Which honestly, sort of sucks the fun out of it.

Condoms suck, and I’d rather not make my wife go on birth control.

I’d tried finding a nuanced take on this, but everyone is too retarded when discussing the topic of vasectomies, especially considering my circumstance.

As the least retarded person on relationships and love on X, what is your take on this (my situation), and feel free to expand on the topic as you’d like.

Med: Pulling out is the best way, but that’s only if you’re confident you won’t nut in her. Is that not an option?

Your initial response to her suggestion is correct. However, you already have 3 kids, so it isn’t as emasculating as it would be for a man who doesn’t have children. You’re in a different category because of that.

But I imagine it will still “feel” like a cucked thing to do after the fact, so I wouldn’t suggest getting it done as an emotional experiment because getting it reversed it just as invasive of a procedure. It’s a big decision.

I suggest going with the pullout method. In the meantime, throwing on a condom around the time you think you’re going to nut is a good way to prevent pregnancy as you practice getting better at it. But if there’s more details about why the pullout method isn’t on the table right now let me know and I will answer differently.

AI’s Impact on Culture, Dating, and Socializing

Subscriber: Hi Med, I've been thinking a lot lately about the implications of AI and the effects it might have on our world moving forward. As someone who follows your feed it seems like you do the same to some degree.

My question today is more about how you think the slow creep of AI into the everyday lives of people will affect our culture as a whole.

I'm a frequent user of dating apps and have had a fair amount of success with them, but recently I have noticed more and more instances of bot behavior or straight-up AI generated accounts that could look awfully convincing to someone who is not as familiar with it. Yes, these apps have verification badges, but as with anything I think future tech will only make it easier for people to find ways to bypass these verifications.

This has got me thinking a lot about where the dating scene might be going. It's clear that technologically, we're heading toward a place where it will be very difficult or impossible in the future to detect what is real and what is fake. Photo/video evidence used to be the gold standard for proof, but now even those can be generated with a simple prompt.

Do you think that with this future ahead of us, it will eventually steer people away from online dating and somewhat horseshoe theory us back to a place where people prefer and primarily utilize in-person socialization to find dates and relationships?

As a slightly unrelated extension to this, I think often about how this could affect our broader culture as well. Given that you've mentioned your thoughts on "celebrity culture" being dead here and there I figure I'll throw it in.

In the past the super/megastars of their day (Michael Jackson, The Beatles) gained their mythic status partly because fame was more scarce back then. They were inaccessible as people and yes, in a very literal sense of the word, legendary. Social media and the direct access to the lives of these people took much of the charm and mystique away from celebrity. Even the genuine talents of today don't inspire the awe that celebrities of the past did.

Back to AI. Now, more than ever, are people generating film, music, and more with this new tech. Like with dating, it will be less easy than ever to discern what is authentic and what is not simply from your phone.

Part of the initial allure of social media was that it allowed us to see real things going on so far removed from our place in the world with just the tap of a screen. This key draw is now in jeopardy.

Do you think that with the line between human and AI becoming more blurry when it comes to entertainment you consume online, we could, again, horseshoe us back into a place where real talent, musicianship, and celebrity is more of a mythic, legendary thing once again? This is of course in correlation with its scarcity, which I suspect will grow once again once AI becomes good enough.

It's clear AI has a lot in store for us as a country and world that we aren't entirely sure we're prepared for yet. But as I've said here, I think we'll experience some sort of horseshoe theory where, in things like dating, music, and more in life, the knowledge that what you're getting is legitimate and human will become somewhat of a currency in and of itself.

Since you've commented a lot on this stuff, I'm curious to hear your thoughts—if you agree with any of what I've said, where you think things may differ in the long-run, and how you think AI will impact the value of authenticity in all corners of our culture long-term.

Med: You’re right, I think about this problem quite often and I generally agree with your prediction of where it’s going.

It doesn’t surprise me that people are using AI to run scams on dating apps. Technically, that’s easy for a company to detect and ban. It’s in their best interest to do, so I assume that won’t last very long.

The real problem is with people using AI to drastically alter how they look. Catfishing will be taken to a new level and eventually people will catch onto it. I don’t think dating apps are going anywhere though. Detecting this will require a new skill that people need to develop, similar to how people need to be able to catch non-AI catfishing now.

But in general, I think there’s going to be serious internet burnout for people who can detect real life vs. AI. I’ve said before that both zoomers and boomers are particularly bad at this. Boomers can’t imagine a world where screens would lie to them and for younger zoomers anyway, screens are all they know. Millennials have the best balance of the two and tend to be the most skeptical. Some of the best millennial posters I know stopped using X entirely since Elon turned it into a slopfest, for example.

I suspect there will be a horseshoe effect but it will look quite different than it used to. I don’t think we’re ever going to return to a world where people are just “in the moment” without their phones, but I agree there’s going to be significant value and capital in being someone who can socialize, doesn’t live their entire life online, and has a strong voice of their own. I suspect people who can straddle that line will be the next “rockstars” as they will stand out amongst a crowd of people who are trying to be memes and can’t be distinguished from LLMs.

Social Media Detoxes & Why Boredom is Good

Subscriber: Hi Med, I remembered a remark you made saying that “boredom is a good thing” and have been thinking about it recently. Took this weekend off to rest/reorient from an otherwise very busy life and it’s a hard come down from constant stimulation, career grind, etc. Was wondering if you had any other thoughts on being bored in the year 2025. Salute 🥂

Med: A few months ago I did a hard social media detox that lasted 3 months. First I deactivated my X account. Then I noticed I was scrolling Substack for no reason. So I deleted the app. Then I noticed I was mindless scrolling YouTube looking for a video to watch. Like an addict looking for a hit. Then I realized it’s not about any specific app, it’s just dopamine addiction. Then I felt a hard crash. It lasted a few days. But that’s totally normal.

I do social media detoxes somewhat regularly but that was the first one I took in a while, given the crash. It’s good that you’re taking them and I recommend taking them frequently, even if it’s just for a few days.

Boredom is good because it allows you to daydream and just be a person. It also forces you to sit with your own thoughts and feel emotions that you might be running away from. I don’t recommend being bored for long periods of time unnecessarily, but giving yourself the space to be bored allows you to feel like a human again and become more grounded. People should be bored more often.

Dating Multiple Women at Once

Subscriber: Hey Med. Any tips for dating multiple women at once? Context: I’m seeing two women. A is my age (early 30s), Spanish, plays tennis, works in HR. We’ve had 8 dates in a month, there’s a really good vibe overall and great interpersonal chemistry but I think she’s a little overweight. The sex is ok but held back by condom use and she’s hinted at exclusivity but it feels early. B is mid 20s, Austrian, a dance and yoga teacher. We’ve had 4 dates over about 6 weeks, which I consider very slow but she’s now more free and can spend more time with me. Not yet got to sex but it’s pretty clear that’s on the cards next time. She is in excellent shape and I find myself very attracted to her. However the interpersonal chemistry is less obviously strong than with A and I suspect her of being woke. Plan is to stay non exclusive for a couple of weeks, give each a fair window, then decide. Any good ways to work out who I’m more attracted to and test long term compatibility?

Med: You took the words right out of my mouth. Giving each of them a fair window is important before deciding. You’ve been on a good amount of dates with both girls to get a good feel for them.

For the Spanish girl, sex can always get better. That’s mostly dependent on the man by having open communication about what you like and paying attention to how she responds to what you do. I would read my answer above regarding condom use — as long as you’re both clean, the pullout method is the best policy. That may take some time though and I wouldn’t bring that up unless you decide on her. Getting her to lose weight is possible to.

For the Austrian girl, the lack of interpersonal chemistry is a concern because that’s ultimately what long-term relationships come down to. If you aren’t vibing with her after 4 dates, it’s not a great sign. If she’s woke, that kind of comes with the territory now, but that can be shaken off in due time as long as you hold your ground and don’t argue with her about it. I would try to narrow down what it is about you two that isn’t clicking and see if it’s something that can be fixed or if it’s just baked into your dynamic. Sometimes people just don’t vibe. I would give it a few more dates. Sex might open things up and improve the chemistry. That being said, if you can’t stand her then I wouldn’t have sex with her.

If things don’t improve after a few dates, the Spanish girl sounds like the right choice. Listen to your gut. Go with what feels right.

Recharging Your Social Battery as an Introvert

Subscriber: How do you increase social battery as an introvert? I actually do not use that term often until I've noticed it recently. There are just moments where I don't want to talk to anyone. And if someone do strike up a conversation with me I'm just very robotic and out of it.

Med Gold: I’ve tested to be extremely extraverted but my girlfriend actually thinks I’m actually an introvert. She noticed that when we’re around people I’m extremely outgoing and social but as soon as everyone leaves, I need to decompress.

I believe the way to measure extraversion vs. introversion is whether socializing gives you energy or drains your energy. I’m somewhere in the middle. I love being around people but after a while, I need to recharge my batteries.

If I’m out to dinner and out with people for a few hours, a quick trip to the bathroom to take a breath and have a minute to myself usually gives me the recharge I need. If I have people over, I need a few hours after everyone leaves to socialize to feel like myself again.

I would say in your case, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to anyone but after a while, push yourself to get back out there until the night is over. Also, some people are unfathomably boring. If someone tries to talk to me and I don’t find them interesting, I want to kill myself. I think that’s normal. Don’t feel bad about that. It’s okay to wrap a conversation up and talk to someone you enjoy talking to more.

Book Recommendations

Subscriber: Hi, I've found your writing to be extremely valuable. Your insights are realistic, track with my experiences, and don't have any of the resentment I've noticed in the "manosphere" (TRP and so on), which I've found useful in the past. Do you have any book recommendations (fiction and non-fiction) that you've found relevant to the topic of women, dating and relationships?

Med Gold: I wish I had recommendations but the majority of what I write about comes from personal experience. I read one book a very long time ago, The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, but I mainly used that to get myself out of a slump I was in. It’s an intense book. There’s some good stuff in there about male and female polarity though, definitely worth checking out.

Girls Who Sleep With Black Guys

Subscriber: Hey Med, wanted to hear your thoughts on something because you’re one of the few reasonable voices. And this isn’t something I want to bring up with friends or anything. For context I’m low 30s, a physician (rich, relatively), have fucked 150+ girls and I have zero insecurities with anything sexually. Like you, I don’t care about “body count” (within reason) and have never asked a single girl in my life. Current girlfriend (26) is the first girl I see true lustful passion, compatibility and chemistry with since I was 21 years old. However, recently learned she’s fucked a few black guys. I don’t distrust her, sex and everything else is great, and again this is isn’t some porn-brained dick envy thing either. Something about it bothers me spiritually in a way I can’t even articulate. Am I just being a faggot and trying to find something wrong? What are your thoughts on this sort of thing? Would deeply appreciate your take. Thank you

Med Gold: No, I wouldn’t be able to get past it either. The genetic distance is too vast to wrap your head around, hence why you can’t articulate why. There’s a very primal aversion to hearing such news. That reaction is completely normal.

Male Instinct & Wanting To Only Date Virgins

Subscriber: Hey Med, not sure if this is the avenue or not, but just thought I'd shoot you a DM see if I can get your take on my matter. I'm 25, a bit of a weirdo, kind of longhoused myself throughout my early twenties and stuff. Went through the whole rabbit hole of Faith, Christianity, rw politics and the general search for meaning. I also worked my ass off to eventually graduate uni and get into med school, so my future's kind of sorted as long as I keep working hard, and I enjoy what I do.

However, I've barely had any sort of romantic interactions. I've had a few girls i've cold approached or had crushes on but sort of failed to get them to like me back. That coupled with some self-esteem issues coupled with some pornography use (which i've curtailed and understand the value in curtailing), caused me to lack my instinct and my ability to sexually proposition/impose myself onto girls I like. I am sort of trying to remedy that now, but I am unsure of how to do it. My main issues are as follows:

I basically longhoused myself through like expectations or entitlements to pussy and never really got to let my male instinct run loose and just throw myself at things.

- What would you say is the best way to rekindle your instinct or potentiate it as much as possible? I realize now the value of the sexual instinct and its importance more so than the word games/mind salad you play in your head to try and justify shit, especially with women.

-While I read your article on the issue and I agree with it, i really would obviously prefer to be with a girl who is a virgin purely for sentimental reasons. This just seems to me to be a big block and i can't really imagine myself falling in love without it (who knows though).

i guess i feel basically my instincts aren't honed in enough, so i instead get these feelings of doubt, apprehension and worry about where to find the right girl, where to look, how to sort it out etc. Would you say that is a fair assessment? Sorry for the rant, I'm just a little stressed about this topic, and i'm scared I'll not find something I can desire, or even worse, i'll be forced to settle. I don't mind giving online dating a fat shot. Id appreciate any advice or back and forth, regards.

sorry if its all over the place, i just don’t really know how to sort of appraise my situation. whatever you'll say is of help to me also i am a virgin as well hahaha, with no romantic exp. whatsoever. wouldn't say i’m ugly or anything, not gonna get neurotic about t, but my problems are more so my own doing i think.

Med: I’m not sure if you’ve read these posts, but if not, I would start there. They cover a lot of what you’re talking about.

First I will say — congratulations on coming out the other side of the RW ideological vortex and wanting to actually date women. A lot of guys get stuck in the religion and politics end of it and just remain terminally online. It also sounds like you got trapped in incel loop by feeling entitled to getting laid. It will take a little bit to shake this off and unlearn the poison you learned, but the fact you got out of there is more than half the battle.

I recommend reading Your Oneitis is Stinking Up The Room not because I think you have Oneitis, but you’re clearly hung up on a few L’s from the past. We all take them. It happens. You can’t let it ferment and permanently tank your self-esteem. I’ve had plenty (I should write another one of these):

Also, congratulations on getting your porn addiction under control. It makes sense that it would affect your instincts and drive to pursue women directly, but I suspect that will subside after a long enough time of watching porn. I strongly recommend eating healthy, getting in shape, getting good sleep, and lifting. All of these things will improve your energy levels and testosterone. I also recommend getting a comprehensive blood lab to see if there’s anything you’re nutritionally deficient in that needs to be supplemented. If you don’t know of a doctor who won’t just regurgitate standard health advice, I’d anonymize the results then pop them into Grok to see how it interprets them in a private chat then start researching on your own. Again, anonymized and in a private chat. AI cannot be trusted with personal information.

Lastly, with wanting to only date virgins, I would scrap that idea. The chances of you meeting a girl who’s a virgin is very slim, and frankly — it’s a tremendous responsibility for someone who doesn’t have much experience with sex or dating. I would read On Female Sexual History to get past this, because it truly doesn’t matter. That’s some RW ideology residue that’s still lingering in your mind but you’re on the path to ridding yourself of it completely. Good luck. Happy to answer any other questions you might have about this or the above posts.

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Related Posts

• Addiction to Toxic Sex

• Low Libido Gf

• Avoiding Temptations to Cheat

• Understanding The Foot Fetish

• Should Women Lovebomb Men?

• Should Underfucked Women be Institutionalized?

• Why Lesbians Aren’t Real

• Total COVID Revenge

• Relationship Topics That Should Be Discussed More

• Social Anxiety

• Ghosting

• Texting After 1st Date Sex

• Setting Boundaries with Insecure Girls

• Condoms vs. Pulling Out

• Age Gap Relationships

• Anecdotal Questions

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Addiction to Toxic Sex

Subscriber: Hi Med, love your content. Keep it up! Right now I’m stuck with a girl that I really like but don’t love. We’re in a situationship since 3,5 years and the sex is just mind boggling but I cannot see her being the mother of my children. One of the reasons is that I cannot trust her 100%. Also she’s Instagram addicted and seeks a lot of external validation. But the worst part is that every time we’re spending more time together, e.g. on a vacation for a week or living at each others homes for a couple of days, we’re always fighting. She makes drama about all kind of things and I cannnot wrap my head around it sometimes. Next day we’re having sex 7 times (a day!). Deep down I know that I should break up with her but I keep coming back because maybe I’m a sex addict and the sex with her is just rough and amazing that I never had before. I’m in the mid thirties, had 2 serious girlfriends before and slept with maybe 30 girls in total so I would say I have a bit of experience. But I feel like I should stop seeing her anyway to find my dream girl but I cannot get to pull the trigger. It’s just so damn hard because I do really like her. Any thoughts?

Med: I know what you’re going through. You probably aren’t a sex addict. But you are addicted to sex with this specific girl because you are both filling a void for each other that few others can fill. Like all drugs, the high is euphoric but the comedown is miserable.

You have two options:

1. Keep having sex with her. You will have sex with each other until one of you gets tired of the hangovers or finds someone they’re willing to commit to. It will take several tries and likely won’t be pretty when it ends for good.

2. End it. This will be incredibly difficult.

This will feel just as hard as quitting a narcotic. You may not have physical withdrawals, but you absolutely will have spiritual, emotional, and sexual withdrawals. Avoiding this is what keeps people in toxic dynamics.

I suggest option #2. Tell her as fun as it is, this situation isn’t good or sustainable for either of you long-term. Then cut her off for good. Block her number, block her social media, and avoid all contact for at least 3 months. Then suffer. Don’t try to replace her. It will suck, but you will come out the other side a new and better man.

The longer you continue to have sex with her, the longer you are standing in your own way of finding your Dream Girl.

Low Libido Gf

Subscriber: Hi Med. So long-short story. First sorry for my poor english writing skills. I have a girlfriend and we are together for 2 years. Our sexual relation was never really good, for some bad experience from me (I was virgin) I develop some ED with her because I was anxious and nervous when was the time for the deal. We still had sex sometimes, but there was some days that I couldn’t get hard. She was really loyal and still sticked with me until I solved the problem (was about 6 months, yeah pretty bad). Now I can get hard and we had already had good sex, but over this months I think she lost her sex drive. Most times she is not in the mood to fuck, so we have low ammount of sex, about 3/4 times in a month. She says she is not confortable to fuck because of her body and not because of me. But in reality I think I am the problem she dont want to have sex. I try not to pressure but its hard, cause I am always in the mood. What can I do to reactivate her sex drive again, how can I have the spark again, but most importantly, how can she look to me again with sexual desire and not just a castrate boyfriend marriage style? Thank you

Med Gold: It’s normal to think you’re the problem but given she said it’s because she feels insecure about her body, which is even more normal, then I’m leaning towards that being the reason. It could be a mix of both.

There’s only so much I can suggest without knowing if there’s a hormonal issue at play. She could have excess estrogen which will reduce her libido. Also unsure if she’s on any psychiatric meds. It’s worth seeing a naturopath or getting blood work done to see if there’s a chemical issue and investigating from there.

With regard to the spark, it’s important to know whether you’re trying to have sex with her while just watching movies at home or if it’s after doing something fun together. I suggest taking her out to dinner, having drinks, and having a fun night together. If she’s still not interested after that, let me know.

Avoiding Temptations to Cheat

Subscriber: Hey Med. Big fan of your content and writing style. Your perspective is much needed in this low test society we live in. I have a question regarding how to deal with interest from other women while in a relationship. For context, I’m 27 and have been dating my gf for 6 years. Our relationship is great and she’s incredible: beautiful, thin, feminine, elegant, caring… I’m very attracted to her and we have great chemistry. I’m quite certain I’m gonna marry her. The thing is that, as I develop myself and become more unapologetic, jacked and well-off financially, more hot girls from my social circle, work, etc seem to be attracted to me. I genuinely love my girlfriend, but this increased attention from beautiful women is making me horny.

So my question is: as a straight dude that is unashamedly attracted to hot women, how to reconcile being in a serious relationship with an amazing girl with having other beautiful women being into you?

Med Gold: This is going to be a problem for the rest of your life. It isn’t going to be easy, but you need to accept that this is a feature of life for men who attract women easily rather than a bug. It’s completely normal to be tempted, so you should allow yourself to feel the attraction and enjoy the ego boost, but briefly. What you do is more important, which means not to acting on it. Fighting or suppressing the feeling is futile. Redirect that energy towards your girlfriend. As long as you two are communicating well, remain attractive to each other and all other factors are in order — the sex will get better and better over time. The temptation will never go away, but it will be less distracting.

Understanding The Foot Fetish

J.: Hi Med! Care to explain the appeal of women’s feet from a male perspective? Not in the porn sick reddit way but from a healthy point of view. As a woman I can recognize the aesthetic differences between differently shaped feet -aside from hygiene it seems to come down to genetics. There is something intimate about a bare foot, and feet are the baseline for graceful movement (or lack thereof). I don’t understand them as an element of beauty from a male point of view, though.

Med Gold: I’ve posted about this before. I don’t understand it either because my brain works properly. I have the same opinion as you do. I can recognize a pair of cute feet vs. ugly feet but feet have never turned me on sexually even slightly.

Should Women Lovebomb Men?

Subscriber: Hey Med! Im truly amazed by every take of urs💗 Thank u for sharing ur knowledge, i want to know if it is true that a girl can show that shes obsessed with a guy, being consistently loveydovey (assuming shes somewhat attractive) and win him over that way! Because i saw someone say so on X.. im also wondering why some men reject women if shes fine, but he could still have some fun with her.. how are they so not tempted.. (asking for a friend;;)))))

Med Gold: Every man is different in how they respond to direct female attention and I believe it comes down to confidence. If a man is confident then he will welcome it because he agrees he’s worthy of praise. If he’s insecure then he will shoo it away because he doesn’t understand why he’s being praised in the first place. That being said, you don’t want to go overboard to the point where you come across as needy. But I think in general this does work on men who allow their egos to be inflated.

Should Underfucked Women be Institutionalized?

Subscriber: I am a 6 who knows I’m a 6 because I can only get soft men to commit it me and so I am chronically poorly fucked. Sad lol.

I think being fucked badly exacerbates and certainly doesn’t help whatever mental health issues and retardation come along with just being a woman. I’m not a feminist at all, but I do understand why so many mid women become feminists and don’t like men: because they can only pull men who fuck badly and are repeatedly used and abandoned by men who do fuck well but are out of their league.

My silly woman fantasy solution to this mid-female tragi-comedy is formal, legal concubinage, in so far as I think this at least would increase fertility rates and do so eugenically, as well as minimizing female insanity. I understand how beautiful women who can pull sexy men would not like to share their husbands and that the unsexed men in this scenario won’t be happy either, but those men are not happy as it is, and we have a bunch of feminists destroying our culture and civilization and I just think someone ought to do something about them.

Forcing them back into monogamous marriage arrangements won’t work I don’t think because women are possessed by demons that force them to mate as eugenically as possible and I think that’s largely the reason feminism became so popular in the first place. Mid women will always find some way to be concubines rather than bear even more mid-ly offspring.

What do you think we (you high agency men, I mean) should we do with all the undersexed mids? They are a menace to society and become really very seriously mentally disturbed when chronically badly fucked and/or unhusbanded.

Med: First off, you are correct that women who are poorly fucked become just as (if not more) insane as women who are underfucked. I assume it’s like ordering a juicy burger but the waiter hands you a dry salad. But I wouldn’t blame yourself being mid for that — there’s plenty of guys who can pull hot girls who also suck at sex, nut quickly, or can’t even get hard. There’s things you can do to filter out guys who are bad at sex by “scaring the bros.” Happy to offer suggestions.

In terms of what to do with these women, I posted about this yesterday. The woman locked up her account, but she was bragging about how she got carjacked in Chicago but still doesn’t want Trump to send in the National Guard to reduce crime. Insane behavior.

There should be some kind of a mandatory mental illness test for women who show signs of psychotic behavior. I’m not going to say this should apply to all married women, because there’s plenty of married women who act like this because they married weak men who can’t tame them. I also don’t think women should have to report to the state how often they have sex. But I do believe communists should be monitored as closely as terrorists. If a woman starts to advocate for total destruction of her country, she should be considered unfit for society and detained in a mental institution. The DSM should diagnose “underfucked” as a serious mental illness. We shouldn’t have to live with these people.

Why Lesbians Aren’t Real

Subscriber: Also can you expand on “lesbians aren’t real”?

Med Gold: Every cell in a woman’s body is optimizing towards attracting one man who will protect them, provide for them, and impregnate them. Their entire hormonal and reproductive system is designed for being impregnated by a man. There are women who are more masculine than average. Sexy women are sexy to both sexes. But lesbians aren’t real.

Total COVID Revenge

Subscriber: In a post you made on X you said that the next administration should hold Nuremberg trials for Covid. I agree completely. In an ideal world, who do you think the next administration should be made up of or who in politics right now would be most likely to carry something like that out?

Med Gold: Stephen Miller or Pete Hegseth. I don’t think JD Vance has the guts and Trump is too much of a Boomer to admit how badly he fucked up during COVID. RFK Jr. seems hellbent on wanting to destroy Fauci but he isn’t right wing enough to beat whoever Trump passes the torch to.

Relationship Topics That Should Be Discussed More

Subscriber: glad you are back. You’ve given a lot of wonderful and actionable advice, and answered a lot of our questions. But what is something in regards to relationships and women, that you are surprised or are concerned that is not discussed enough?

Med Gold: What gets discussed is a reflection of what the masses want to hear, which is why the timeline is mostly slop. More advanced topics, like the intricacies of relationships that are doing well, or the more advanced dynamics of sex and romance itself, would be more interesting to see. Whether or not people are talking about them is hard to know because the majority of people aren’t in relationships or aren’t having sex and either have nothing to contribute or don’t want to think about those things at all.

Social Anxiety

Subscriber: Hey Med, I'm a 27 year old male who had a classic zoomer childhood of being raised by the internet and video games, thinking I was an "introvert" and "autistic" and so on. Because I was never into parties and stuff in high school, my whole life I've dealt with an anxiety that I'm weird and that "normal" women won't be interested in me. This is despite plenty of people in my life telling me I'm charismatic and good-looking, having a pretty easy time making friends, and actually having been approached by several women in the past. When something like being approached happens or when I get huge signals from a girl, an immediate mental block pops up that she'll eventually realize I'm weird and I end up self-sabotaging. The girlfriends I've had have (sometimes literally) thrown themselves at me and it ends up limiting my dating pool.

My question is how do I kick this feeling of not being a "normie," so to speak? I'd love to make the most of the romantic opportunities I'm presented and meet wonderful women, but no matter how much I tell myself this feeling is irrational, it always torpedoes the chances I get. Thank you for your work and sorry for the long-winded question.

Med Gold: Don’t apologize. I don’t mind answering long questions as long as all the details are necessary to the question.

It never hurts to LARP as Gigachad. It isn’t a sustainable mode of being, but it’s useful in the short-term.

Everyone has a voice inside of them that tells them they suck for X or Y reason. A terminal conviction that you aren’t good, and yes, as cheesy as it sounds — unworthy of being loved. This likely traces back to childhood, and each person’s reason and voice sounds different. But everyone has it to some extent.

That voice can be quieted by literally talking to it. Telling it “not right now” or “pipe down” to yourself. It will become quieter over time. You might have to tell it this 10 trillion times.

But it’s also worth understanding the exact X or Y that makes you insecure and comparing it against reality to understand if X or Y is actually true or if it’s just the voice. If it is true, can you fix it? If it isn’t false, then it’s just that part of you trying to sabotage you, which really means it’s trying to prevent you from getting hurt. Self-sabotage is a non-obvious defense mechanism.

Subscriber: any tips/advice on social skills in public? specifically looking at people in a public setting, making eye contact, and approaching them. i really liked your "how to start a conversation with anyone and not be weird - an introduction for introverts" essay. i'm not sure why it's removed from your page. but if you could bring it back/post something similar, that'd be great. i applied the things you talked about in that essay (listening closely to people talk about themselves, striking up a conversation about what they're doing/wearing, etc.), and found it very helpful in having better talks with people. but the talking process is more like a step 2, whereas step 1 is approaching them. my problem is that i unconsciously avoid looking at people. think walking outside, getting uncomfortable when you do look at someone walking towards you/passing by. think at gym, staring at your weights or phone and "scared" to look at other people working out. so yeah it's not great. how do i fix this? maybe you can talk from a more social/psychological perspective. thanks, and love you med

Med Gold: Step 2 is a matter of getting out of your head and more in the moment. Being aware of that voice in your head that makes you self-conscious or afraid of people looking at you goes a long way. That means literally telling yourself (similar to my answer above), “Okay, I feel anxious right now.” That separates you from the anxiety and breaks it up a bit. That’s the first step.

After that it’s a matter of confronting the anxiety head-on. What exactly are you worried will happen? What exactly are you worried they see? Is it real? Or does it not matter at all? Caring less goes a long way here but that takes practice and real examination. “Okay, this asshole is looking at me. Who are they? Who cares? So what?” I know it sounds easier said than done, but it’s worth spending time on.

I will post something about this again in the future. During my last internet detox I found myself posting for the sake of staying “on schedule” and it wasn’t coming form the heart, so I’ve removed those for now. Good reminder though. Let me know if this helps, happy to respond again in the next session.

Subscriber: Hi Med, I'm a 24 year old (naturally quite introverted) and I'm trying to wean myself off being entirely reliant on dating apps to meet women. I'm putting myself in more situations where I'll meet girls: going out for coffee more and doing more social hobbies, etc. My main sticking point is not knowing what to say to break the ice without coming across creepy. I seem to manage ok in bars and clubs because the environment is more suited to cold approaches (and the alcohol takes the edge off), but in day-to-day life I find myself pussying out, often not knowing what to say. Can you offer any advice on openers and approaching in general? Also, somewhat related - do you have an opinion on coffee vs drinks for first dates. I've personally found girls respect you more on drinks dates and it generally feels more masculine. Thanks

Med Gold: Approaching out in the wild without coming off creepy is very context-dependent as you stated. It’s best to find something happening in that moment that you can bring up. For example, if you’re both waiting for your coffee and you’ve both been waiting a while. Or if you’re both outside and it suddenly got really hot out of nowhere. Whatever. It’s an ice-breaker and is more subtle than just asking for her number. However, if there’s absolutely nothing to bring up and you’ll regret not talking to her, just tell her you don’t mean to bother her but you think she’s beautiful and ask for her number. Girls very rarely respond poorly to this and worst comes to worst she says she has a boyfriend or just says no. It stings for a bit but we take our L’s in stride.

I strongly recommend drinks on the first date. Everything else comes across poor or trying to pretend like you don’t want to have sex with them. Snake-like behavior. Coffee dates are less fun anyway.

Ghosting

Subscriber: Hi Med; there’s a girl at my gym who I see there often and frequently catch looking at me. Maybe it’s in my head but when we walk past each other and make eye contact there’s a fair amount of tension like she’s holding her breath for me to talk to her. This began at the start of the summer and it’s been about two months of this a couple times a week. I’ve never talked to her. She’s not bad looking but she looks a lot like a downgraded version of a girl I used to talk to and it would feel a bit weird. Nonetheless I’ve been starting to consider making a move. The question is, is it more hurtful to a girl who likes you to ignore her or to show her a good time without having any real intention of a relationship. My gut feeling is that it’d be more awkward to smash and then reject her than to let her wonder why I ignore the openings to flirt. Thanks for your input.

Med Gold: Your gut feeling is correct. Ghosting a girl especially after sex is particularly damaging to their psyche and guilt isn’t a fun thing to carry around. It will catch up with you in due time. Avoiding these situations especially when you can foresee them coming is very wise.

Texting After 1st Date Sex

Subscriber: Hi Med, you wrote a nice text about the top mistakes made on dating apps. I’m 22, and like most guys in my generation, I use online dating apps, which actually work pretty well for me. I check most of the boxes and have some Mediterranean blood in me, which seems to drive the girls wild (and to undress themselves pretty fast haha).

Although the first date usually goes really well, I often fuck it up afterwards, especially with the girls I’m really interested in. Sounds a bit gay, but if the first date has a lot of (sexual) energy and intensity, I struggle to maintain that vibe in the time between the first and second (or third) date (takes usually around a week). I don’t want to be that guy constantly asking how her day was, but at the same time, if I don’t keep up some kind of connection, the energy just vanishes. When that happens, it often fizzles out and she loses interest. Maybe I’m sometimes giving too much attention, or maybe not enough, I’m not sure. Idk if you can relate, but I’d appreciate any insights on how you approach the time after the first date (especially when you already had sex).

Med Gold: Unless it was abundantly clear it was a one-time thing, I don’t wait more than 24 hours to text her first. She’s waiting for that and if you don’t then she’ll think you’re a dick. After that I let the conversation unfold naturally and don’t really think about it. If I want to talk to her then I do, if I don’t then I don’t. If there’s something that was particularly hot from the first date, tell her you’re thinking about it. Girls are usually wondering if the sex was good for you. But if you’re feeling anxious about texting them too much, pull back. If you’re worried you’re not texting them enough, talk with her about something interesting. “How was your day” isn’t really a question. “What are you up” is a good way to open up a conversation because it’s more in-the-moment and there’s an actual answer to give. Then you can let it unfold from there.

Setting Boundaries with Insecure Girls

Subscriber: Hey med, How do you set boundaries with hot girls? I’m 21 and have been dating this girl at uni. She’s really hot, but there’s a caveat: every time I don’t hang out with her or her friend group, she gets absolutely cold, almost to the point of ghosting me. To get things back to normal, I have to people-please her and sort of reinforce her by asking You okay? What happened? Etc. Etc. I really don’t like it; it makes me feel nauseous and needy, which is really out of character for me. Usually, I’m really good at setting boundaries or handling uncomfortable feelings/situations with other girls I’ve dated, but with this one, I feel pressured not to mess things up. I don’t want to seem needy or check on her all the time. It’s just been difficult to handle my inner dynamics, like not handling her being upset at me or constantly thinking I’m going to blow it. My overall life is really good: I work out, eat right, sleep, go out with friends, talk to other girls, read, work, etc. But she really gets me, and my attention just dwindles. Thanks med

Med Gold: Next time, don’t reach out at all. If she’s interested then she will reach out to you first. I’m not a fan of playing games. If a girl is upset, she needs to make it really obvious or tell me in order for me to ask “What’s wrong?”, especially in the beginning stages.

Without communication, the relationship is cooked, so it’s better to set those boundaries from the beginning. This doesn’t mean “don’t speak unless spoken to” but it does mean you’re telling her that you’re not going to wait on her every emotion to be pleasant for you to continue to go on with your life.

It’s also important to have a “take it or leave it” attitude, as long as you’re being reasonable. If you didn’t do anything wrong, don’t apologize. If you did, then you should, but only once. And then it’s up to her if she wants to stick around. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t - you’ll be fine.

It sounds like you do want things to work with her. If she actually communicates that she’s mad that you aren’t hanging out with her all the time, you can be clear. “Look, I’m very into you. I want us to keep seeing each other. But there’s going to be times where I see my friends and you see your friends, and that’s okay. I don’t want this to be an issue between us.”

Condoms vs. Pulling Out

Subscriber: Med—wearing a condom is killing my sex life with my gf. She went off BC a year ago after we noticed it was fucking with her personality (demonic pill) and it's been back to condoms since. Naturally she's pretty scared of getting pregnant (we're 22 and about to graduate) so I've had to wrap. i hate it and it makes me want to have sex significantly less which in turn affects our relationship. Am I being a pussy? Is everyone else just pulling out and hoping for the best? Curious to hear your thoughts

Med Gold: Have you brought up pulling out with her? This is worth talking about. I don’t tell people to pull out unless they’re good at it because getting an abortion is devastating, as is an unwanted pregnancy. The Plan B pill also causes problems. So I would first be confident you’re able to pull out. This skill is usually built through practice but in your case, edging is a good way to do that. You can also tell her to give you head and practice stopping right before you’re about to nut, etc. Showing her you can do this may give her the confidence she needs to feel safe without a condom. But I’m getting off topic. Either way, I would tell her that sex has become less enjoyable for you since wearing a condom, you’re happy she’s no longer on the pill and committed to being with her, and you want to solve this problem together without taking too big of a risk. Luckily this is a solvable problem.

Age Gap Relationships

Subscriber: My question is about a topic I’ve seen you mention many times: age gaps. I’m 37 now and just getting back into the dating scene after a hiatus to upgrade my life and recover from the end of a very difficult relationship. I got together with her before the pandemic and we were together for three years before I was forced to end it. I took some time off to process and level up, which is how I found you - thank you! Now that I’m getting back out there, I feel like the world changed seismically since I last dated. At this point, I’d like to find a woman that is feminine and not jaded (we have the same taste it seems - thin arms ftw) but I feel like all I see are whore 7’s that think they’re 10’s and 34 year old women that want to use me as a sperm donor for the kids they waited too long to have. So, my thought is, in the rare instances that I see one, go for a 24/25 year old in the wild that doesn’t seem poisoned by feminism and fuckboys yet, or move to another country and try to meet a more traditional woman there. I know your thoughts on passport bros but I can’t help but think that getting away from feminist social media culture would improve my prospects. But now, despite the fact that I’m the best I’ve ever been, I feel a little weird about going for younger women. The thought of them being grossed out and thinking of me as an “old guy” makes me cringe. The red pill universe says that I should be peaking in attractiveness right now as a man, and I definitely feel that way, but some recent stuff I’ve seen on X has me second guessing that big time. Could you weigh in on the situation? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Note - I live in DC, which I think is a major part of the problem. It’s ground zero for the straight-A student, hyper liberal, combative women that we’re all too familiar with. Also for context, I’ve been called very good looking my entire life by women - I’m 5’11, lean 210 lbs, and have a fun personality and solid fundamentals in all the major areas of life. So I think it really would just be the age thing that might torpedo my efforts, but I’d love to know your thoughts. Thanks!

Med Gold: There’s something to be said about all of the takes you listed on the question. It comes down to seeing it through. Dating a girl in her 30’s who’s just using you to have a baby isn’t ideal. Neither is moving to another country to find someone, it’s a huge risk and cultural differences can cause unforeseen problems.

37 isn’t 47, you’re still in your 30’s. You’re in good shape, are experienced, and I’m not sensing any serious flaws. I wouldn’t think too much about it.

There’s going to be younger girls that are easy to relate to because they’re more mature for their age and some who are so vapid and TikTok-addicted that they’re not even worth having a conversation with. I tend to find zoomers are a 50/50 split between highly impressive or extremely useless.

Living in DC is indeed going to limit your options. I’m not saying you should pack up and move to a new city, but spending time in different cities and using the apps will give you a better sense of how the people are and whether it’s worth it. I wouldn’t necessarily just limit the age range to 20’s either, there’s plenty of girls in their 30’s who are hot, worth dating, and aren’t just looking for a guy to clean up their bad decisions of the past. I’d keep pursuing, check out new areas, and remain open.

Anecdotal Questions

Subscriber: Hello Med, I'm 19, and on my 2nd LTR, I tend towards only dating women who I an wholly confident in fostering this sort of thing with. I am currently 6 months into dating a girl which I resonate with on every level, and things are doing well despite her psychotic mother. But my ex recently came back to haunt my subconcious for some reason. I had dated the first girl for around 4 years and it got quite rocky towards the end, but we still wanted to end it off as friends, so we did. I simped for a while but eventually let off and started dating this new girl. There was always the feeling in the back of my head that I was somehow dating the same girl, they are both very artsy, one is a cosplayer, the other is a furry, they both have an incredibly similar appearance and tone, but overall I'd say my current girl is a direct upgrade. I'm just surprised that I'm receiving dreams about the last girl again after so long.

Med Gold: I’m not sure what the question is to be honest but I assume you’re asking if it’s normal to think about exes when things are going rocky with your current girlfriend. Yes, this is normal. Marrying into a psychotic family, or having a psychotic mother-in-law is definitely something that may make you reconsider and it’s valid. I suggest making sure there’s boundaries in place to prevent her mother from playing too much of your role in your relationship, or she will destroy it.


Subscriber: Hey Med, This is a follow up to a question from the last episode, How do you balance total fuck and not taking life too seriously? In 2022 you released an excellent podcast with y0ckeyslut I believe. I've searched for the episode and not sure it exists anymore. It's the one where you have Dasha chained up to your radiator at your apartment. In this episode y0ckey describes TOTAL FUCK as follows:

"Sex is not the same thing as TOTAL FUCK. It’s total. It’s not simply fucking the woman, it’s fucking the entire world. Total fuck is you fuck everything that moves. You don’t just mean women, you mean every person, you mean every moving part in society. You fuck nature. You fuck the society. You're fucking civilization. You bend everything to your will. You make the world coo, because you’re that powerful. That’s what you should aspire to. And during total fuck you forget that you even exist, like you are in another place."

What a description! I've felt that way before but at times I take myself and life too seriously and believe there's a balance to it. I mean look at DJT, he is in a world of TOTAL FUCK. And he's sarcastic, comedic, not taking himself too seriously, yet he's destroying his opponents. I think there's a connection between the two and want to hear you thought on balancing them. Thanks!

Med Gold: That episode was actually with a different poster, but I remember when he said that. I don’t really think about it that deeply to be honest. I don’ t have a great answer and don’t want to make up an answer for the sake of giving an answer.


Subscriber: Hey Med. Would be great if you could include timestamps on medcast. Would save lots of time finding the topics that interest most.

Med Gold: I get it. I know timestamps are ideal. I’ve tried adding them in the past but it’s annoying to pause the recording as I’m answering questions then jotting down the time. I know there’s AI solutions but writing the AMA should help with this.


Subscriber: What are your thoughts on the Burnerverse?

Med Gold: I don’t know what this is exactly. I looked it up and it sounds like it’s just about anonymous posters? Let me know.

Subscriber: Hey med not a question here but just a thanks to you. A while back you were writing about real genuine desire and had a post with a clip from the god father and said “this or it’s not real” with Al Pacino staring at his future Italian bride. This post haunted me for weeks because I knew I wasn’t truly in love with my girlfriend. Took a little while but broke up with her a couple weeks ago. Honestly it was probably the best thing to do for her. Didn’t want to waste anymore of her time. Stared down the barrel of settling in a relationship that was just “fine” and refused to pull the trigger. I’ll never put myself in that position again. Thanks med

Med Gold: I’m very happy to hear that. Thank you for sending this.

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